It doesn't take much to make me happy ...

As I alluded to in my last post, I had a crazy busy week (and weekend) ahead of me, when I wrote the post because now, it's behind me, but oh well .... I apologize in advance if this becomes a rambling mess of a post, but I should really be sleeping right now because I literally worked 28 hours this weekend.  Is that even possible?  Well, I've proven that it is.  But, I guess, other people probably work more than that (for example, doctors), and I've actually worked more than that when I first started practicing ... but I haven't in a really long time, so I'm giving myself some kudos for doing so.  On a beautiful weekend, too, when friends were relaxing out in the sun.

But anyhow, I learned a lot this weekend (other than legal concepts, that is).  One, it doesn't take much to make me happy (thus, the title of my post).  Because despite being stuck indoors in front of the computer, reading and typing away, analyzing case law and statutes and all those good stuff, I felt happy.  Again, is that possible?  Happy working my (bleep) off?  Again, I've proven (to myself) that it is.

Here's my last few days in a nutshell ... it may give you an idea of just how much I enjoyed all of this stuff.  Maybe my friends will be just as jealous as I was a tad bit whenever I took a few seconds (ahem) to check on Facebook and live vicariously through them.  I know, jealousy is not a good trait to have but no worries, I really don't have a strong jealousy gene (past boyfriends actually complained about this - crazy, I know!).  So, before I digress again, here was my weekend in a (picture) nutshell:

Remember my makeshift office space?  Remember how neat it was a few days ago?

Well, by Saturday morning, it looked like this.  Notice the sunlight in this picture, too.

And the Jamba Juice by my laptop (side).

Fourteen (14) hours later, I was still there.  No sunshine, but still with Jamba Juice by my side.

       Then, on Sunday, I moved to my actual office.  This is actually how it looked this morning.

Again, this may make me sound a little nuts, but looking at this makes me happy.

Because that FedEx box you see there?  That means I finished.  

And it was sent to be filed.  Yay!

This I saw when I pulled into a parking space at Staples (the office store).  I know, it's not as exciting as going to watch a basketball game or a Coldplay concert (at the Staples Center), but seeing this as I pulled in really made me happy.  Doesn't it look lovely?  Just puts a smile on my face.

After I sent the briefs off to be filed (and made sure it was not rejected), 

I took care of a few administrative office stuff, then, went home early.  

But, before actually going home, I had to stop by Jamba Juice for their 

Back-to-School special sale.  You see a pattern here?  

Yes, I love Jamba Juice!  And my favorite is what is probably 

their most fattening smoothie: the Peanut Butter Moo'd.

I know I can make the smoothie at home, 

but nothing like someone else making it for me.

And for $2?  I'll take it!

(Again, I was very happy!)

  

I didn't plan on running today because I just felt exhausted.  Even with the smoothie and all that sugar,

my energy level was at a negative zero.  But, after half an hour of lounging on my couch, I

decided to watch Flashdance.  (You see, I wanted to be Jennifer Beals when I was a kid.  I used to

dance around and try to copy her popular dance routine.  Of course, I didn't know that

her character was also a stripper in the movie (I didn't know what a stripper was), but, anyhow,

I watched Flashdance.  And afterwards, I wanted to dance.  But, instead, I went out for a run.

And I'm glad I did because just look at that gorgeous sky!  

Again, I'm obsessed with the sky.  I'm one of those camera-happy people that pulls out their cell phone 

(if I don't have my camera) every time I see something that excites me (which is probably every five seconds).  Here I am pulling out my cell phone in the middle of a run.

But, just beautiful, huh?

This picture (and my amateur photography skills) doesn't do it justice.

But again, just looking at this made me very happy.

It was a happy day.

Hope you had a happy Monday, too!

Happy

Day 14 of the Challenge!  Topic: ten things that make you really happy.  It was tough to limit it to ten, but here's mine:

From top left to right:

1.  My nephew and nieces.  Spending time with them makes me really happy.  I lose all concept of time and responsibilities.

2.  Dessert with friends.  Good conversation over ice cream - the best!

3.  A good book.  This is one of my favorite, and I'm so excited to read it again!

4.  Cloud-filled sky.  Makes me giddy with joy!

5.  Coffee (no mind that it's decaf), but sitting in a coffeehouse with a cup of coffee just makes me smile with satisfaction.

6.  A beautiful sunset.  What can I say?  I'm fascinated with the sky.

7.  Green smoothie in the morning while I read the news.  

8.  Cards from my grandma.  She never forgets an occasion.  I look forward to her cards every year, and when I receive them in the mail, I always find myself running up the steps to my apartment so I can sit down and read them.  They make me smile, cry and laugh all at the same time!

9.  New York.  Walking the streets of Manhattan.  This view.  

And yes, I know, I was supposed to list ten but my photo grid allows only 9 pictures, so number 10 has to have its own separate space, which works out since I couldn't find a photograph for this one.

10.  A rainy day(s) and cuddling on my couch watching marathons of my favorite TV show(s).  A piece of relaxation heaven.  

What makes you really happy?    

still here.

I haven't disappeared.  I've just been a little distracted, savoring in happyland.  The other day, I thought, what's the difference?  Because there hasn't been any major, life-altering changes. ...

Then, I remembered, I'm here.  Immersed in the present.  In the beauty that surrounds me.  And in the faith that tomorrow will take care of itself.  So, the weight of worry has been lifted.  And there's just the combined sense of relief, awe and excitement for the unknown that follows. 

"Two" - taken during one of my neighborhood walks.  (Someone thought I was a bird watcher.  Lol.)

"Rays" - during a September afternoon walk.

"Van Gogh sky" - I'm a big Van Gogh fan, and when I saw this, I felt like I was in a Van Gogh painting.

I can't wait for the official fall season ... just a few more days!  I know it is still super-hot, but the evenings have been a little cooler, and the days have been getting shorter.  But the best part of fall this year is that I'll be in one of my favorite cities!  Can't wait!!!

 

a beautiful day.

it was my kind of day.

simple.

no birthday frills.

but lots of love.

and what better way to end the day

than to get a book by my other favorite author in the mail:

it's been a very inspiring and hopeful day.

what more can i ask for?

hope you all had a wonderful monday, as well. :)

Amazing

I had an amazing weekend.  I wish I could write something more elaborate or eloquent to describe just how amazing this weekend has been, but maybe these pictures will give you a better idea - much better than anything I could write at this moment.

Sunset landing into SF.

Race onto the runway!

Roadtrip to Napa!

Cheers!

A day at the pier.

Then, some playtime ...

... and some ice cream.

The way to my heart.

Another beautiful sunset - view from our hotel.

Fireworks!

more fireworks!

And even more amazing - my niece's baby girl was born today!  As I walked into the waiting room (after rushing through traffic from the airport, and then, running from the parking lot into the hospital), she came out.  :)  And I fell in love all over again! 

I hope you all had an amazing weekend, too!

thursday's tune.

I've had this on repeat since Meg posted it on her site.  I can write motions all day to this song.  I can even read another DUI trial transcript (or two) while this song keeps me company.  (Okay, two may be an exaggeration, but I do love this song.)

Happy Thursday, everyone!  Any plans for the long weekend?  I'm so looking forward to it.  How times have changed.  Memorial Day six years ago was when my heart stopped beating for awhile.  When that stabbing pain pierced so deep I couldn't breathe.  When I believed that a part of me died, and I couldn't see past the pain.

Wow!  That was six years ago.  I'm repeating that out loud right now with a smile.  I can't stop smiling.  It must be love, you're thinking.  Right?

Well, of course.  But it's not what you're thinking.  That's the best part of it, in fact.

I found the ending to my book.  :)

Okay, before I go on complete vacation mode, I do have to finish this brief, so if you don't hear from me again until next week, have a fabulous long weekend!     

wishes come true

Had quite a weekend!  I'm finally home, with my feet up, and ready to go to bed.  Had been running around all day on two-hour sleep.  Yesterday was my niece's baby shower, so was on my feet all day long: setting up, taking pictures, organizing games, and trying to fit in meaningful-conversations in between.  Then, for some insane reason, I decided I wasn't tired enough so, after the baby shower (after more running around cleaning up), I met up with friends for dinner, and had an all-night chat fest.  My friends and I finally went to bed at 4:15 a.m., but I was up 2 hours later, so I can go to church, and then, spend the rest of the afternoon helping my niece prepare her room for the baby.

I'm tired, but happy.  I realized that nothing makes me happier than spending time with my favorite people: my family, especially my niece and nephew.  We laugh together.  After a long, rough couple of weeks, nothing is better than hearing my nephew tell stories, my brothers and I reminiscing, my niece and I talking, and all of us together - laughing.

So, I had a great weekend!  My only regret: I didn't taste the desserts at the shower.  And they looked delish!


the cake

strawberry cupcake

chocolate cupcake

cake pops

the ensemble

 
Check out the adorable diaper cake from my mom:

 wish list

I know this is wish list Sunday, but today, I'm not posting any photos of things that I wish for.  Today is about wishes coming true.  You see, watching my family gathered together this weekend, talking and laughing together, has made me believe that we grow, we change, and with a lot of love and a lot of faith, wishes come true. 

"I'm Only Happy When It Rains"

I woke up to the sound of raindrops.

And it was perfect.

The perfect morning.

I love sunny days (I'm a summer baby), but I love the rain just as much.

I've always loved rainy-day-activities ... inside or out.  A small confession: I have a list of activities for a perfect rainy day.  Like today.

How about you?  Do you love rainy days?  What's your favorite rainy day activity?

Like Crazy

Finally saw it.  And it's painfully.  real.

The thing is we don't choose who we fall in love with.  We just fall.

And I've found that even if it hurts and ends up breaking our hearts, we are still considered lucky if we meet that someone who just fits.  Even if all the circumstances doesn't.  Because even in our saddest moments, he/she still makes us happy for having touched our lives.  Because he/she inspires us to be a better person.  And that, to me, is the core of happiness. 

After the movie, my friend asked me what if she got it wrong?  With her husband.  What if she could be happier?

I told her about a conversation I had with a mutual friend a couple of years ago.  We were talking about loss and relationships.  Life.  And I remember telling him that I was happy, and I realized that as much as it broke my heart to pieces when I let a certain someone go, I believe I had to go through that to be here.  I told him that I didn't think I'd be the person I have become if I didn't go through that.  The kind of pain that made it hard to breathe.  For months afterwards.  The agonizing regret that followed.  It changed me.  And I came out of it a different person.  A person I actually like.  A person I love.  And I'm happy.

He asked, "but what if you could've been happier?  With him?"

And I remember saying, "But I'm really happy now.  Why would I change this for something I don't know?  I can't live on a what if.  What if I could've been happier, but what if I could've been really sad?"

Maybe neither of us had the answer.  Maybe no one does.

All I know is that we can't help how we feel.  But the least we could do for ourselves is be real. 

The truth of the matter was, I told her, I loved him.  But I wasn't happy.  And it didn't feel right.  Something was missing.  And maybe it was just me.  But at the end of the day, I live with me.  Sleep with me.  Wake with me.  So I need(ed) to be okay.  And I wasn't okay.  And now that I'm more than okay, I know more than ever that I did the right thing.  At that moment, when I let him go, I knew I could be happier.  Because I wasn't. 

So, I asked her, are you happy?

Desert Trip

I've always prided myself as being a city girl.  I LOVE the big city.  All the lights, the noise, the people, and the busy-ness of it all.  I feel alive in the big city.  I feel at home.  In my element. 

But this year, I took several trips to the desert.  And during my last trip not too long ago, I found myself drawn to the tranquility of the desert days and nights.  I fell in love with the night sky filled with stars and the sound of the whispering wind.  I felt a different kind of home. 

S, my oldest, best-est friend, asked me if I'd move there.  To the desert.  Well, actually, she said, I should move there.  With no question mark.  And when I saw the look on her face, that she really missed me, I couldn't lie to her: I'd have to have a good reason to.  Not that being closer to my oldest, best friend isn't a good reason, but I have my career and my family and my whole life in the city. 

But, I'd consider it, I told her. 

You see, I've always imagined myself living in two different places.  I just thought those two different places would be Los Angeles and New York.  I'd practice law in Los Angeles.  And I'd write and teach in New York.  I know people who do it.  And I told myself, one day, I will, too. 

But, then, I wouldn't mind writing in the desert either.  Something in the calm spoke to my heart.  My soul.  And touched a part of me that I didn't know existed.  Even the thunder and lightning (that freaked me out) gave me a jolt of inspiration. 

Plus, I love the drive there.  And if I could love that, then, I'm not quite the city girl I claim to be.  Here are some shots from my recent drive to and from the desert ... (I know I shouldn't be taking pictures, but I can't help not capturing the beautiful sky and scenic view.)       

Love it! :)

So, S said I could use her spare room.  Turn it into my office or writing space.  She's trying.  And I was touched.  I told her I'll come back in a couple of weeks.  Try it out and do some writing.  If I'm able to write two chapters, I might just take her up on her offer.  

New adventures are good.  Right?  And sometimes, even when we have no intention of going somewhere, we find ourselves there, and surprise ourselves.    

     

What makes you happy?

I recently asked a friend if she was happy.  She asked me what that meant.  She didn't know what happiness was.

Her response made me sad.  How can she not know what happiness is?

And it got me thinking, do you know what makes you happy?  What happiness is to you?  Because I think happiness is everywhere.  In the little things.  

Waking up in the morning, feeling the sunlight on my face.  Opera on the radio while stuck in traffic.  The guy in the car next to me singing loudly, but passionately, and beautifully out of tune.  The barista smiling behind the counter because he knows exactly how I like my latte.  A stranger's smiling face.  Talking to one of my oldest friends on the way to work.  The sound of the piano by the touch of my fingers.  A really good book.  One Day.  Perks of Being A Wallflower.  The Alchemist.  Harry Potter.  My nephew's excited and happy voice.  Hearing him tell his fabulous stories.  Happy endings.  Because there are.  Many.  Hikes with Enya.  Walking around the neighborhood.  Ice cream.  Breakfast/lunch/dinners with my girls.  Family time.  Even if it's in the hospital.  The smell of coffee in the morning.  In the afternoon.  In the evening.  Fresh, clean sheets.  The Hollywood Bowl.  Classical music.  The lyrical sound of a poem read out loud.  Clouds in the sky.  Fresh flowers by my bed.  In my bathroom.  I can really go on and on and on.  

You see, I do believe in what Tolstoy said: "If you want to be happy, be." 

The other day, I heard this fluttering sound as I was applying mascara.  It was the sound of the brush as it touched and stroked my lashes.  I've applied mascara over a thousand times, and that was the first time I ever heard that sound.  And it made me so happy.  I couldn't help but smile and giggle and laugh by the sound I just discovered.  Experienced.  It was awesome.        

I like to believe that happiness is in the little things.  In the little moments.  That make up this life.  Our present life.  

And if you're wondering or questioning or just lost about what happiness is to you, try doing a handstand.  Somehow, being upside down does wonders.  Turns that frown into a smile.  :)    

        



Photo: midnight charm 

Dreamy state

I'd like to be here right now, curled up in this swing ...

with the sky an illuminating blue ...

Just looking at this picture makes me smile.

Calms my racing mind.

A much-needed break.

Even for a few minutes.

Happy Tuesday, everyone!

(Or is it Tuesday?  Yep, it is!  Sorry, feels like a long week already.)

Anyhow, what are you dreaming about today?

Photo: iamblessed

Remembering our heroes

I had an amazing weekend.  But honestly, I feel a little weird saying that considering that this weekend is the ten-year anniversary of the 9/11 tragedy, when so many lives were lost, and we as a nation grieved for them.  But personally, I think it was also a time when heroes stepped up, and provided hope.  And it is because of those heroes that I thought why not just write about this amazing weekend? 

You see, there are many heroes in our lives although many of them are often unrecognized.  But this weekend, I remembered mine.  And I realized that God does place certain people in our lives, at the precise time when we need them, and those people become our heroes to help us through, and give us hope.

On Friday night, I went to see the Tchaikovsky Spectacular at the Hollywood Bowl.  And just to warn you, you'll probably see the word amazing on this post many times, but it was just AMAZING!  The moment the orchestra started to tell the story of Romeo and Juliet, I felt as if this huge, heavy drape that was over my body began to lift up.  And as the music got louder, intense, and then soften to a romantic melody, I felt the drape drop away from me, and my body was free.  At that moment, I felt every sound, every note, that came from the orchestra.  And by the time Swan Lake began, I was me again.  Me before the tragedies of my life happened.  And I remembered the girl who wasn't afraid to express herself.  The girl who wore faded jeans, peasant tops and mismatched shoes, and always had daisies or sunflowers (or both) in her hair, even when she was often reminded that she was in the wrong decade (and was so out of season).  The girl who took her oversized Keroppi to school, and made sure he had a seat next to her in class (and this was senior year of high school).  The girl who made tape recordings to declare and profess her love to her high school boyfriend.  The girl better known as the memory keeper.  And the girl who was not afraid to stand up for a cause, and speak her mind.  The girl who wanted to be a dancer, an actress, a writer and a lawyer, all at the same time.

The girl before the conglomeration of tragedies. 

You see, the unfortunate consequence of tragedies are these protective layers that start to hover over us .  And the more tragedies that come our way, that protective armor, those huge, heavy drapes, or big, stone walls, become so great that we get lost in them.  And eventually, forgotten.

I became lost in mine.  For a long time.
 
But something happened this weekend.  Maybe it was Tchaikovsky.  Or I've just been reading a lot of old letters and journals.  Or it's the 9/11 anniversary.  However, I realized that we all have our stories and we all have our tragedies, but the tragedies of mine are no longer relevant.  What matters is that I survived them.  Because tragedies happen and will happen, but what matters is what we do with those tragedies.  How do we respond?   Do we fold?  Or do we fight for our lives?  For our happiness?  Now, looking back, I realize that although I was battered, bruised and broken for a long time, I always had some hope.  And when that hope was diminishing, God placed people in my life, to remind me of it.  To give it back to me.  To believe in me when I didn't believe in myself.            

On Saturday night, I went to the Harvest Crusade at the Dodger Stadium.  It was the most humbling experience.  And I felt rejuvenated.  Found.  But most of all, grateful.  And blessed.  As Chris Tomlin sang Amazing Grace, I thought, yes, it's because of God's grace that I'm here.  Happy.  Really happy.

And like the wonder of life, today I came across a treasure.  As I was cleaning up boxes of old documents and letters and books, I came across a manila envelope with the word "Speech" written across it.  Inside were copies of my junior high newspaper with my bylines in them; my elementary school "yearbook" where "lawyer" was written under my ambition; cards from my Speech coach encouraging me to be a winner; and a college letter recommendation from my English teacher.  By the time I finished reading the letter, I was crying.  Because, like I said, life happened and it was not so nice at times, and the letter reminded me of how God placed people in my life to help me through my battles.  My English teacher wrote the letter as a second, special recommendation after I got rejected from the university I really wanted to go to.  I hand delivered that letter to the University head of admissions after sitting in the waiting area outside of his office all day.  I still didn't get into the school.

But I am a lawyer as I aspired.   

And I thank my heroes for that. 


 

Photo: Flavio

happiness in little (big) things

I will have a dinner party like this one day.



It's Friday, and I've had quite an exhausting week.  And although I still have tons to do, I'm just so giddy and excited for tonight!  My girlfriend is again spoiling me with another date night at the Bowl.  I love the Bowl.  And tonight it's Tchaikovsky (with a fireworks show!).  I can't sit still with excitement.

And then Anna (at Little Reminders of Love) just recommended a book (A Tree Grows in Brooklyn), and since it's Anna (who I think is the most adorable blogperson I know), I have to read it.  Actually, I've heard about the book (numerous times), so I'm finally picking it up.  For a must read.  This quote she posted (after stating that Francie "is a girl young girls should know") just hooked me: 

"People always think that happiness is a faraway thing," thought Francie,

"something complicated and hard to get.  Yet, what little things can make it up;

a place of shelter when it rains - a cup of strong hot coffee when you're blue;

for a man, a cigarette for contentment; a book to read when you're alone -

just to be with someone you love.  Those things make happiness."

Like Francie, I do believe it's the little things that make up happiness.  (Although such little things can actually be BIG when it makes you happy.)  Like Tchaikovsky tonight.  Seeing a smile on the face of the one you love, and hearing that he's happy - even from far away.  Even if he's far away.  Text messages from my nephew.  Hearing my nephew's excited voice.  Talking to my best friend, and hearing him talk about his wife and daughter and new baby on the way.  Wonderful girlfriends.  This beautiful sunny day.  Saturday brunches by the beach.  J.K. Rowling to inspire me.   

Anyhow, gotta go back to work.  Lunch break is over ... and in a few hours, I get to listen to Tchaikovsky!  Heaven! :)   

      

Photo: Happy Weekend

some random realizations (or not so random ... or not even a realization)

It's been an exhausting couple of days.  Haven't been getting much sleep no matter how early I try to make it to bed.  Somehow, a phone call or two, or another email that needed a reply, just kept getting in the way of my much-needed sleep.

But, today, in my sleep-deprived state, I learned something.  I no longer need coffee.  I want coffee.  I still love coffee.  But I no longer need coffee.  I don't know when it happened.  When my dependency on the tasty-caffeinated drink stopped.  But, somehow, somewhere, some-when, it did.  And although it made me a little sad, and even a little nostalgic, I thought, it was a good thing.  To not need it anymore.  In that case, I drink it because I want to not because I need to.  And in that case, I appreciate it more.  Embrace and savor each and every sip, and each and every moment I hold the coffee cup in my hands (instead of just mindlessly gulping it while I pray that it wakes me up). 

So, how about that for progress?

Another thing I realized today: I want to be a photographer.

And well, while we're in the topic of realizations, here's a few (random) more:
I look forward to text messages from my nephew.  It makes any time of day ten times better.  I love receiving <3 text messages from a someone I adore.  It makes me smile no matter what state or mood I may be in.  I really love my brothers.  They are the biggest part of my world.  I love pictures (yes, I already mentioned I want to be a photographer!).  No matter how exhausting it can be, I still love the practice of law.  I still love coffee (I just needed to repeat that!).  And I'm happy.  :)

Hope you all enjoyed your Wednesday!  (And did I mention, I just love the name Wednesday!)

Photo: annie.manning {paint the moon}                     

Life plans

"What are  you going to do with your life?"  In one way or another it seemed

that people had been asking her this forever; teachers, her parents, friends

at three in the morning, but the question had never seemed this pressing and

still she was no nearer an answer.  'Live each day as if it's your last', that was

the conventional advice, but really, who had the energy for that?  What if

it rained or you felt a bit glandy?  It just wasn't practical.  Better by far

to be good and courageous and bold and to make a difference. 

Not change the world exactly, but the bit around you.  Cherish your friends,

stay true to your principles, live passionately and fully and well. 

Experience new things.  Love and be loved, if you ever get the chance."

(One Day by David Nicholls)

I was a planner.  Had my whole life planned out by the time I was ten years old - what school I was going to attend for college; at what age I was going to publish my first book; age I was going to get married; age I was going to have my first child; by when I would have my first house, my own law practice, and my own publishing company.  But let's just say that a large percentage of my plans didn't actually pan out as I had imagined.  And contemplated.  And carefully devised.  

Let's just say, I was always disappointed.  About things not being checked off from my life planner.  And there was a time, not so long ago, that I felt really disappointed.  With myself.  With life.  And I was very discouraged.  But that not-so-long-ago-time now feels like a lifetime ago.  

And recently, I've been asked this question several times: how are you so happy? 

Initially, I found it rather sad.  And odd.  That I'd be asked such a question. 

But I've since realized that most, if not all, persons just want to be happy.  And just don't know how. 

So, I tell them that it's because I've let go.  Of trying to control things that are out of my control (which I've learned are many, many things in life).  You see, I've realized that the only thing I have control of is how I live my life.  Everyday.  How I treat the people around me.  How I approach my job.  Whether I get up early in the morning or stay in bed for another hour.  Whether I go to the office at all.  Whether I return my clients' calls or not.  Whether I honk and yell at the guy who cut me off in the freeway.  Whether I go to dinner with my friends or stay in and watch a movie all by my lonesome.  Whether I say 'thank you' to the cashier at the supermarket who appears to be having a bad day and has taken it out on me.  Those things I have control of (even though, sometimes, I much rather blame the alarm clock for not waking me up or some unseen force that made me honk ten times at the very rude driver who cut me off).  But who am I kidding?  I have control of one thing: me. 

And everything else, I don't.  I don't have control of what my clients do with their lives.  I don't have control of whether I get a raise (I can ask for one, but whether I get it depends on another person, who I can't force to give me one ... because that would be called something else).  I don't have control of what my family or friends do and how they live their lives.  I can't will the guy I've been pining for to call me no matter how much I stare at the phone.  And I can't make him love me if he just doesn't.  I don't have control of anyone or anything else.  But me.  

So, I tell those who asked me how I can be so happy, well, I'm happy because I choose to be.  I don't plan every details of my life anymore.  If I do plan anything, I just plan to pay my bills on time, meet all my deadlines at work, save money and pay off debt, and be kind to everyone around me, even the driver who cut me off or the cashier who seemed to be having a bad day and took it out on me.  If I plan anything, it's just to be the best friend, sister, daughter, granddaughter, aunt, and lawyer I can be.  It's just to love those in my life and hold close to my heart whether they love me in return.

So, I'm happy because I choose to be.

And I told them, you could be happy, too.  If you choose to be.        

Photo: ashappyaskings

Inspiring morning

boozy banana milkshake by food+words (geez, i even love the name!)

I am seriously addicted to dessert and milkshake recipes (and their yummy photographs)!  My daily routine has been to tempt myself with these photographs before doing yoga (or going for a walk).  Inspires me to work out if I'm going to eat all of these irresistible sweets that I post.  (Hilarious because the last time I really, seriously baked anything was circa 2000.)

But, nonetheless, these photographs inspire me.  One day, I will make each and every one of them.  For someone I love.  (Hopefully, he doesn't get fat). 

I woke up tired (post-date-day with my nephew).  But feeling happy, and a bit nostalgic.  Listening to this song, which I used to blast on repeat in my office (circa 2000, again) ... and it would make me extremely happy: all the small things ... (but, honestly, I don't think I ever listened to the rest of the lyrics, it was just all the small things ... that really mattered to me.  Note: I was having a lot of problems with the ex at that time, and this song became sorta my mantra ... again, I can't remember why.)  Nonetheless, it was a lift-me-up-song.  And it still has that effect on me.  :)

It's a happy day!  Now, how about another photograph of that yummy, delicious (looking) boozy banana milkshake for additional inspiration before yoga?  (I know you can't resist either ... feel free to click on the link, get the recipe and make some for yourself ... and me.)  Happy Saturday!!!

Love it!!!

Photo and recipe source: food+words

life is good ... especially with ice cream

Sleep has been an unfamiliar concept to me lately.

Trying to juggle work, babysitting, work, basketball games,

work, birthday celebrations, work, friends, work, family, work, yoga,

and work work work,

there has not been much time for good ol' sleep.

But I feel good.

And I have found that good ol' water

is a great and reliable companion

to get me through the night ... and day.

But, recently, a client told me I should take a vacation.

I asked whether I looked that tired.

He said, not at all, but you should take one.

You deserve a break.

(Aww ...)

But I do take breaks.

Yesterday evening, I went out with a few old

colleagues, old friends, and had bad-for-us appetizers.

And that delicious Kona Coffee Ice Cream Sundae

(pictured above).

It was heavenly!

My friend then asked me if I could rate my stress level

from 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, what would it be?

I said three.

Really, he asked?

How could that be?

Easy. 

There are many things that should stress me out.

And initially, when they come up (which is often), they do.

But I don't let it last long.

I allow myself a few minutes (sometimes, seconds) to hyperventilate,

to fume, tense up, get angry, resentful, feel sorry for myself,

then, I brush it all off.

Thus, needless to say, I also work really hard 

at not allowing anything to bother

me for too long.

Then, I told him, I feel good.

A year older.

And happier.

And that I have no desire to be 20 again.

No desire to be 25.

No desire to even be 30 again.

I love where I'm at.

And that's an awesome feeling.

p.s. For those who don't know me, it took a long, looooooonng time to get here.  This place of peace with myself.  With life.  But with hard work, it does happen.  I believe that.  So, don't give up. 

Some things remain the same ...

... like my love for daisies.

I think they're beautiful.

Simple.  Lovely.

Yesterday was awesome!

I felt pampered and spoiled.

Relaxed.  Very relaxed.

I-just-want-to-nap-kinda-relaxed.

So, when I got home last night,

I decided to turn off my phone,

and just read.

No, I didn't work. 

I read through old emails between my cousin and I.

She lives in a different country, so we write.

A lot.  And so, I read emails from 2006.

I was being nostalgic. 

Like I said, birthdays do that to me.

And wow!  I was surprised how things have changed.

I have changed.  A lot.

I'm happy.

I guess, what hit me most was how my heart wasn't

broken anymore.  As I read words I wrote about

someone I loved and lost, I didn't feel anything.

Not longing, not missing, nothing.

And it wasn't the I-don't-want-to-feel-anything-for-him feeling.

I really felt nothing.  Not a pinch in my heart.

I didn't become overwhelmed with nostalgia about him and us anymore.

There was no reflecting.  Nothing.  The words I read

about love, loss and regrets became just words.

And, I really don't know when all of the feelings stopped.

But they did.

Over dessert, my dear, best friend said to me,

I think all of the broken hearts and disappointments

were meant to prepare you for something greater.

I've seen you love and give it your all.

You will do that again.

And the thing I realized last night,

is that things do change.  We change.

But in the midst of change, some things remain the same.

The people I laughed and cried with five years ago,

ten years ago, even twenty years ago,

are still the same people I laugh and cry with now.

And I know that we'll continue to laugh and cry together

until we can no longer stand straight.

Some things remain the same. 

No matter how life has changed us.

And as much I welcome and embrace change,

I also embrace those things that remain the same.

I also know now, that our ability to love

never dies.  It may go in hiding for awhile.

But it'll always be there.

Because broken hearts have the ability to heal.

Our hearts do get restored.

Put back to pieces.

And we can love again.

Today, I celebrate new beginnings.

And an amazing year ahead.

Photo: Kiwi GaL