A useful advice + a short confessional

Day 3 of Blogtember: Pass on some useful advice or information you learned and always remembered. 

Hi, my name is Mae, and I'm a Felicity fanatic.

Please don't judge me by this, but the thing that came to mind when I thought about writing this post was Felicity.  The TV show.  I think I've said it here before (or at least alluded to it) that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that show.  In the present tense.  It doesn't matter that it ended eleven years ago.  I own the DVDs for all four seasons (and have watched it more times than I want to admit).  And now with Netflix, I don't even need to be at home to watch it.  

Okay, I know it seems like I'm digressing but bear with me.  There is a point to this that addresses today's topic.  I promise.  But first, I have the need to give a little background story.

The four years the show aired was the four years I lived with my college/post-college/beginning of law school boyfriend.  Ex, now.  We moved in together a couple of weeks after Felicity first aired, and I moved out five months after the show ended.  And it wasn't an easy relationship - my ex and I.  Living together made it even tougher.  But, Felicity got me through those four years.  (Don't worry, I didn't stay in a bad relationship because of the show.  The timing was just impeccable.)  I never missed an episode - even when I was in law school and hardly watched any television - I watched Felicity.  I lived vicariously through her (yes, I know, she's a fictional character - let's forget that part).  But, I thought she was living my dream, and when times were bad with the ex, I escaped to Felicity's world.  It was my therapy, and a very affordable one.

Okay, now that I'm done with the background story, here's the advice that I got from the show - that stuck with me: "Don’t throw away an opportunity to become a more interesting person out of fear."

That advice was given to Felicity by her counselor, Dr. Pavone (my favorite chain-smoking character).  If you're not familiar with the show, let me offer some context (don't worry, if you want to watch the show, I won't give away what happened after).  So, here it goes: Felicity just got back together with Ben (her soul mate, love of her life, the guy she followed to New York), and was excited about spending the summer with him in Palo Alto (where they are both from).  But, her art history professor offered her an internship to work at a museum in New York (it was supposed to be a once-in-a-lifetime-kind-of-opportunity), which meant, she wouldn't be with Ben, who had a summer job waiting for him in Palo Alto.  And that's when Dr. Pavone said, "Don't throw away an opportunity to become a more interesting person out of fear."  "Fear?" Felicity asked.  "Of losing Ben," Dr. Pavone answered.

So, that's the advice that stuck with me.  

Because, you see, I had an opportunity to study in Spain for a semester during my senior year of college.  I didn't go.  I'm ashamed to admit, I was afraid to lose my boyfriend.  The same boyfriend I had a "not-so-easy" relationship with.  I won't dwell too much on that, but let's just say, I regretted not going.  I regretted it for a long, long time.  And when times were especially hard with him, I resented him for it.  Yes, that wasn't fair, but I really wanted to go to Spain.  So, when Dr. Pavone gave Felicity that advice, it struck a chord with me.  

Felicity's response was: "That’s not why I turned down the internship. I just, I’m choosing to be with Ben. That’s just what I want to do this summer."

And that's when Dr. Pavone told her: "An opportunity like this internship does not come around very often and if you and Ben are gonna work this out, and I hope you do ‘cause I love that kid, then you’ll be there for each other long after this opportunity has come and gone. That’s what love is about."

I wish someone had told me that.  (Dr. Pavone's advice came a couple years too late for me.)

But that's why after my ex and I broke up, and well, after I took the Bar exam (because I had to do that first), I went to Spain.  I spent a month in Europe, and went to all the places I had always wanted to go to.  At the time I was seeing someone, and again, it was new, we were at this pivotal point in our relationship, and I was scared that if I went away for a month, he'd forget me.  I know, he thought that was silly, too, but I couldn't help it, I was afraid of that.  But, I was also afraid that if I didn't go, and I didn't go on my own (meaning without him - the new guy), I'd regret it.  So, I went.

And, so did he.  But apart.  

And it was the best decision I made.  I don't think, in fact, I know, it had nothing to do with why we're not together right now.  That's a whole other story.

So, don't throw away an opportunity to become a more interesting person out of fear.  It speaks volumes, right?  Take risks.  Live life.  What is meant to be will be.  

Here's a picture of my friend and I in Spain that summer.

Excuse my outfit and tired eyes.

But, we looked, and were, very happy.

And that's what matters, right?

What advice has stuck with you?

Felicity photo via

Love yourself

Just had to re-post this quote that Anna posted:

And kid, you’ve got to love yourself.  You’ve got wake up at four in the morning, brew black coffee, and stare at the birds drowning in the darkness of the dawn.  You’ve got to sit next to the man at the train station who’s reading your favorite book and start a conversation.  You’ve got to come home after a bad day and burn your skin from a shower.  Then you’ve got to wash all your sheets until they smell of lemon detergent you bought for four dollars at the local grocery store.  You’ve got to stop taking everything so damn personally.  You are not the moon kissing the black sky.  You’ve got to compliment someones crooked brows at an art fair and tell them that their eyes remind you of green swimming pools in mid July.  You’ve got to stop letting yourself get upset about things that won’t matter in two years.  Sleep in on Saturday mornings and wake yourself up early on Sunday.  You’ve got to stop worrying about what you’re going to tell her when she finds out.  You’ve got to stop over thinking why he stopped caring about you over six months ago.  You’ve got to stop asking everyone for their opinions.  F--- it.  Love yourself, kiddo.  You’ve got to love yourself.

Unknown via Writer's Vineyard

I had quite a busy weekend.  And hardly any sleep.  So, once I recover, I may or may not write about it.  In short (just in case I don't write about it), I had a great time!  ;)  Hope you all had a great weekend, too!  And a fabulous week ahead.

on the real | choosing our commitments

I know I haven't been writing much these days, and haven't written anything close to profound in awhile.  I've had to make some choices lately ... choices about my time and what I do with it.  As much as I love blogging  and writing, I've come to realize that there are days (many days) when I just can't do it.  The time I used to dedicate to blogging (or my novel-writing) has been exchanged to either extra time in the office (see picture above - my life lately) or time to tend to a personal life if I want to make that a happy one.

"There are times when even the best of us have trouble with commitment and we may be surprised at the commitments we're willing to let slip out of our grasp.  Commitments are complicated.  We may surprise ourselves by the commitments we're willing to make.  True commitment takes effort and sacrifice.  Which is why sometimes we have to learn the hard way to choose our commitments very carefully."  (Grey's Anatomy)

Yes, I know, I just went there.  Quoting Grey's Anatomy.  Honestly, I'm not a fan of the show, but my cousin was a big fan and would encourage me to watch it.  I have to admit, they have great monologues.  Anyhow, on one of the times I caved to my cousin's pleadings, it was the episode this quote came from, and it stuck with me somehow.  I think it's because it's something I think about a lot.  And lately, I've been thinking about it a lot more.

Choosing our commitments.

Choosing my commitments is something that I pride in.  Because over time and many trial and errors, I've learned that not only are commitments complicated, but they also require time, energy, and a lot of work and sacrifice.  So, it has become important to me to be selective about the commitments I make.  I know sometimes it takes away from living spontaneously or grasping the moment or being swept away, but commitments should be lasting, and not fleeting.  And only time can tell when something is lasting.  Time has proven that the commitments I did choose carefully are still a part of my life.  And thus, the rewards have definitely been worth the sacrifice.  

I'm not ready to give up blogging yet.  I am still working and trudging along with my novel.  But, right now, until I can figure out where I can fit both in, they will have to take a limited time slot in my schedule.  I'll be back to it.  But, right now, life has thrown other things in the mix - things I've decided I want to commit to.  Let's see where it goes.  I can only pray that I've chosen wisely.

quote of the week

“You must be the person you have never had the courage to be. 

Gradually, you will discover that you are that person, 

but until you can see this clearly, you must pretend and invent.”

-Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes

It's amazing when things fall into place.  When you realize that everything you've been through was meant to happen, so you'd end up here.  Where you're meant to be.

on my mind ...

so love this!

the sams and charlies

I finally watched it!

And I loved it.

I still love the book more, but since Stephen Chbosky

wrote the screenplay, directed, and also produced the film,

he stuck with the story.

Watching the movie made me think a lot about high school.

About growing up and trying to find yourself.

Many times I still think I'm trying to find myself.

Then, I think that's okay.

We evolve.  We change.

And sometimes, it's hard to keep up with ourselves.

Then, there's the parts of us that remain the same.

And that's okay, too.

The Sam part of me is still there.

Will probably be the part of me that remains

even though at times, it gets lost in the Charlie part of me.

Which will probably remain, too.

And that's okay.

***

"I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won't tell them

that people are starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn't

change the fact that they were upset.  And even if somebody else has it much

worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have."

"It's just that I don't want to be somebody's crush.  If somebody likes me,

I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am.  And I don't

want them to carry it around inside.  I want them to show me, so I can feel it too."

"And I guess I realized at that moment that I really did love her.

Because there was nothing to gain, and that didn't matter."

"So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons.  And maybe we'll never

know most of them.  But even if we don't have the power to choose where

we come from, we can still choose where we go from there.  We can still do things.

And we can try to feel okay about them."

"It's great that you can listen and be a shoulder to someone, but what about

when someone doesn't need a shoulder?  What if they need the arms or

something like that?  You can't just sit there and put everybody's lives

ahead of yours and think that counts as love.  You just can't.  You have to do things."

(Quotes from Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky)

***

I don't know why but right now as I write this and thinking about the book/movie, something my brother said at our YA Bible Study came to mind.  He was talking about relationships with people in church but I think it applies to all relationships.  He said that the benefits of loving relationships outweigh the hurt.  Those afraid to love because they are afraid of getting hurt misses out on a lot.  I think that's true.  I also believe that in our attempts to protect ourselves from getting hurt or our good intentions in protecting someone from getting hurt, the consequence is still hurt.  In protecting ourselves, we end up hurting ourselves.  In protecting the other person, we end up hurting him/her.  The thing is, it hurts because we love.  If we didn't love, it wouldn't hurt.  

the love we deserve

photo via

"we accept the love we think we deserve"

-Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Once you realize (believe) that you deserve kindness, respect, consideration, generosity, honesty, loyalty and the other person's unwavering commitment, you won't settle for anything less than the complete sum of all of the above.

I've learned ...

View from Battery Park City.

"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today,

life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.  I've learned that you

can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things:

a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.  I've learned

that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when

they're gone from your life.  I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same

thing as making a 'life.'  I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second

chance.  I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt 

on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back.  I've learned 

that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right 

decision.  I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.  

I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone.  

People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.  I've learned that 

I still have a lot to learn.  I've learned that people will forget what you said, 

people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

~ Maya Angelou

morning run

"He didn't run from something or to something, 

not for anyone or in spite of anyone;

he ran because it was what his body wished to do.  

The restiveness, the self-consciousness,

the need to oppose disappeared.  All he felt was peace."

Laura Hillenbrand, Unbroken

photo via

the vow to risk

"Ultimately, there comes a moment when a decision must be made.

Ultimately, two people who love each other must ask themselves

how much they hope for as their love grows and deepens, and how

much risk they are willing to take.  It is indeed a fearful gamble.

Because it is the nature of love to create, a marriage itself is something

which has to be created, so that, together we become a new creature.

"To marry is the biggest risk in human relations that a person can take. 

If we commit ourselves to one person for life this is not, as many people

think, a rejection of freedom; rather it demands the courage to move

into all the risks of freedom, and the risk of love which is permanent;

into that love which is not possession, but participation.  It takes a lifetime

to learn another person.  When love is not possession, but participation,

then it is part of that co-creation which is our human calling, and

which implies such risk that it is often rejected."

~ Madeleine L'Engle, The Irrational Season"

Let's not reject it.

Take the risk, my love.

can't wait!

I know the movie is never as good as the book, but I still can't wait to watch this movie.  I loved this book.  It changed me.  In many ways.  As I read it in the middle of the night, I felt myself come out, transform ... Back.  To.  Me.  And I understood.

"I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons.  And maybe we'll never know most of them.  But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there.  We can still do things.  And we can try to feel okay about them." 

And how I loved Sam.  Once upon a time, I had her courage:

"It's just that I don't want to be somebody's crush.  If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real  me, not what they think I am .  And I don't want them to carry it around inside.  I want them to show, so I can feel it too.  I want them to be able to do whatever they want around me."

"It's much easier to not know things sometimes.  Things change and friends leave.  And life doesn't stop for anybody.  I wanted to laugh.  Or maybe get mad.  Or maybe shrug at how strange everybody was, especially me.  I think the idea is that every person has to live for his or her own life and then make the choice to share it with other people.  You can't just sit there and put everybody's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love.  You just can't.  You have to do things.  I'm going to do what I want to do.  I'm going to be who I really am.  And I'm going to figure out what that is.  And we could all sit around and wonder and feel bad about each other and blame a lot of people for what they did or didn't do or what they didn't know.  I don't know.  I guess there could always be someone to blame.  It's just different.  Maybe it's good to put things in perspective, but sometimes, I think that the only perspective is to really be there.  Because it's okay to feel things.  I was really there.  And that was enough to make me feel infinite.  I feel infinite."

(Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky)

You have to believe.

This is what I tell myself whenever I hear the LOUD doubts and disbeliefs that follow

whenever I gush about being a published writer one day:

"You have to believe.

Otherwise, it will never happen."

Neil Gaiman, Stardust



photo via Becca

what do you think?

"Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple."

~ Dr. Seuss

photo: Jung W

patience.

Lake Como, Italy
May 2008

Four years ago, I sat at this spot for hours - searching for peace, and praying for strength and patience.

Four years later, my prayers were answered.   

I want to beg you, as much as I can, to be patient toward all that is unresolved in your heart, and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign language.

Do not seek the answers, which cannot be given to you because you would not be able to live them.

And the point is to live everything.  Live the questions now.  Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.

- Rainer Maria Rilke

***

Love is patient

1 Corinthians 13:4

***

Therefore be patient, brethren, until the coming of the Lord.

The farmer waits for the precious produce of the soil, being

patient about it, until it gets the early and late rains.  You too be

patient; strengthen your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is near.

Do not complain, brethren, against one another, so that you

yourselves may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing right at the door.

As an example, brethren, of suffering and patience, take the prophets who

spoke in the name of the Lord.  We count those blessed who endured.

You have heard of the endurance of Job and have seen the outcome

of the Lord's dealings, that the Lord is full of compassion and is merciful.

James 5:7-11

***

It is the lack of patience that makes us hurry things in life,

why we can't stand still.  We tend to look for results rather than the process.

- My brother

it makes sense

Avignon, France
May 2008

"Being free implies choosing your path, and each step can change our destiny - what's very frightening sometimes.  But today, looking back, I see that my days were perfect: whatever I needed came exactly when I needed it.  At the time, all I needed was to read for five years.  I did it and that was essential for me.

"As Schopenhauer says, when you see what you have overcome, you have the impression that you have followed a plot that had already been written.  However, at the moment of action, you seem to be lost in a storm: surprise after surprise, and many times with no time to breathe, having to make decisions all the time.  Only later will you understand that each surprise, each decision, made sense."  ~ Joseph Campbell (See entire article here.)

I've been reading old posts from this blog, and posts from my old blog before I started this one.  Even though I didn't realize it at the time, I was chronicling my journey to here - the present I was struggling to get to.  And it is quite amazing to see that everything does come together.  Decisions, feelings, actions that didn't make sense at the time now do.  It's easy to say if only I knew better then or I wish I knew this then, but you see, we wouldn't be where we are now if we didn't go through the then.  I needed to go through all the messiness, the storms, the heartbreaks and mistakes (so many mistakes!) to get to here.  And here isn't the end either.  There will be more.  As long as I'm breathing, as long as you're breathing, we have to deal with the here, the now.  But what I've finally learned is to be present for it.  To be present in the here.  To embrace it.  Who cares if I said all the wrong things yesterday (or eight years ago)?  I have an opportunity today, right now, to say the right things. 

Let's not allow this moment to pass us by ... I am so in love with this song.  And with right now.  :)

   

some things to smile about

The rain. 

The sky just before the sun sets. 

This song.

Green smoothies.

Second chances.

(the possibility of a second chance)

Forgiveness.

Family.

A church family.

Love.

This quote:

"Love will break you.  Nobody can protect you from that,

and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break

you with its yearning.  You have to love.  You have to

feel.  It is the reason you are here on earth.  You are here

to risk your heart.  You are here to be swallowed up.

And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed,

or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit

by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all

around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness.  Tell

yourself you tasted as many as you could."

(Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum)

our best interests.

"Though we can't always see it at the time,

if we look upon events with some perspective,

we see things always happen for our best interests.

We are always being guided in a way

better than we know ourselves."

(-Swami Satchidananda)

photo: Ca'mont

who we are.

"We never stop being who we are in life.  Instead, we become more of who we

are meant to be through all the changes and challenges we face because from

every battle fought and every trial endured comes the opportunity for us to grow

more.  When our life takes us by surprise, when it doesn't turn out quite how we

expected, we initiate our dreams by implementing our own goals as we are

inspired by what our lives hold for us now.  Sometimes we need to stop

questioning where life is taking us and just go, letting faith lead the way and

making things happen by opening our hearts to love, second chances, and

happiness for when we keep our hearts opened, we see the magic from the

beauty life has start to come alive around us."

(-Jenna Kandyce Linch)

photo: Madrid, Spain 2008



inspiration Friday

I've been needing a lot of reminders lately.  Inspiration.  And when I need those reminders to follow my dream, to follow my heart, I pray to God.  For guidance.  For courage.  For strength.  For patience. 

And then, I read The Alchemist.  I have a list of quotes from the book that I go back to every time I'm in need of a reminder to follow my heart despite the noise in my head and around me.  Here are a few of the quotes that have become my daily mantras:

"What you still need to know is this: before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way.  It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons we've learned as we've moved toward that dream.  That's the point at which most people give up.  It's the point at which, as we say in the language of the desert, one 'dies of thirst just when the  palm trees have appeared on the horizon.'"

(I told a friend that I feel like I'm at this point.  I see the palm trees, I see my dreams materializing in the horizon, but I'm not quite there yet, and many times (more so lately), I just want to turn back or turn a different direction because the obstacles in my path are testing my courage, my patience, and my perseverance.  They are making me question my decisions.  But I need to trust my heart."

"Listen to your heart.  It knows all things, because it came from the Soul of the World and it will one day return there."

"In his pursuit of the dream, he was being constantly subjected to tests of his persistence and courage.  So he could not be hasty, nor impatient.  If he pushed forward impulsively, he would fail to see the signs and omens left by God along his path."

"The secret is here in the present.  If you pay attention to the present, you can improve upon it.  And, if you improve on the present, what comes later will also be better.  Forget about the future, and live each day according to the teachings, confident that God loves his children.  Each day in itself, brings with it an eternity."

"When you want something, the whole universe conspires to help you achieve it."

"Making a decision was only the beginning of things.  When someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision."

So, I tell myself, patience, my dear.  But keep going.  Each step will get you closer.   

photo: Anne SORBES

friday's quote + something to ponder on

Happy weekend, everyone!!! :)