green smoothies, writing and some personal time (-off)

This morning I woke up tired exhausted.  And since I've been falling asleep much earlier than my usual bedtime (I actually passed out on the couch the other night), I knew that something was off.  So, I made the decision to take a personal day (one of the perks of working on my own), and forced myself out of bed.  Then, I dragged my feet to the kitchen, and made myself a green smoothie.

In the last year, the green smoothie has been the best armor in my times of need.  Or those times I just needed a pick-me-up.  Or just whenever.

I remember reading about it from different blogs, but decided to finally try it out after watching a documentary on Kris Carr almost a year ago.  After that, I went to the market, bought a bag of spinach, bananas, blueberries and flax seed.  Every day for four months, I made myself a green smoothie for breakfast.  And it changed my life.  I didn't get any asthma attacks during the winter season and I actually stopped drinking coffee.  Now the latter was not even a conscious decision I made.  Weeks after drinking the green smoothie every day, I realized I had not had a cup of coffee.  And my body didn't crave for it.  I actually had energy.  And my eating habits changed.  I seemed to eat a lot more but my body was pickier about what I ate - I craved for veggies and fruits and more veggies.  I felt like a changed woman.

But, after four months of daily commitment to the green smoothie, I began to stray.  Or just got lazy.  So, I'd have it a couple of times a week rather than everyday.  And lately, I've been having it only once a week, if that.  So, when I felt exhausted this morning, I knew my body needed the green smoothie.  And I was right.  I feel much better.  

Anyhow, just in case you're interested, here's the green smoothie recipe (and I'm not a health expert by any means, but not only did the green smoothie give me energy and immunized me from any asthma related symptoms last winter, but also improved the texture of my skin and my uncle keeps telling me that it has brightened my eyes, which makes me look much younger than I already do):

2 cups (or handful) of spinach (sometimes, I use kale to mix it up)
1 banana (can also add blueberries, mangoes, pineapple, or whatever fruit you want to add)
1 tablespoon of flax seed
1 cup of water (or milk, soy, or Almond)
ice  

... and just blend away.

Okay, I know it doesn't look as good, but it really is delish and refreshing!

And because the title of this blog calls for it: I've been writing a lot more this week.  On Sunday, I had a writing class with this amazing author and after speaking to him, I realized that I had become very regimented in my writing - (what can I say, I think it's the lawyer in me).  I mean this author didn't tell me my writing was regimented, but listening to him and the way his mind just created scenes and characters awed me, and I thought, I think I used to be able to do that.  So, when I got home, I pulled out all of my writing notebooks from college, and read through them.  I was right.  I wasn't as regimented. So, afterwards, I looked around the room, and just started scribbling words that sparked something in me, and then, scenes began to develop, and characters were born.  Before I knew it, I had pages filled of ideas and stories that I wanted to write.  It felt amazing.  My little joys in life.

Here's how my evenings have been looking like lately:

Happy Friday, everyone!

NaNoWriMo | Book Challenges | and a whole lotta busyness

November will be a busy month.  First, it's National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo), and so, I thought that it's a good way to challenge and discipline myself to commit to writing everyday.  Commit to finishing the novel I've been telling myself I'll finish for the last seven plus years.  Also, I'm supposed to submit three pieces for my writing group submission party/challenge by Thanksgiving, and I'm still at zero.  I know, I really need to get going on this thing.  So, in the spirit of NaNoWriMo, I will commit to writing.  Everyday.  (Sorry, if you hear a lot of this kind of ranting for the month, but I sometimes use this blog as a my drawing board/inspiration page - and if I write it here, it pushes me to do it since I'm telling all of you that I'm going to.)

And it's as if I wasn't busy enough with writing a novel (and writing classes), but I thought I'd participate in a winter Book Challenge, too.  If you're interested in participating, I included the rules and categories on a separate page above, so check it out.  I know it's crazy, but I also know that to be a good writer, I must be an avid reader (and not just an avid reader of case law and statutes and investigation reports).  I must be an avid reader of stories.  Different genre of stories, and thus, my commitment to the Book Challenge.

With all of that said, my job, of course, keeps me busy.  And since it's what pays the bills and supports my writing classes and artistic passion, I need to keep working hard at it, which leaves very little time for anything else (but my loves, of course).  However, I'm having fun and that's the point of it all, right?

Anyhow, I can't believe it's already November in a few hours!  This has been quite a year - awesome in many respects, but very challenging, too.  There has been many ups, but also many downs.  But, I'm happy to report that I've kept up with the promise I made myself at the beginning of the year, and that's to keep moving.  Because during the very "down times," it's easy to curl up on the couch and hide from the world.  I didn't want to do that, and thus, I created my list of challenges - the things I wanted to do whether it's to hike every Saturday morning or take a writing class or take photographs of the sky - to keep myself moving.  Forward.  And I've found that with each move, each step, not only brought more smiles to my face but the calm and at-ease feeling of I'm right where I belong.

Now, again, because it's NaNoWriMo starting tomorrow, I thought I'd share this list I found about why we'll always need a good story:

Ten Reasons Why We'll Always Need a Good Story by Scott Russell Sanders

1.  We delight in stories because they are a playground for language, an arena for exercising this extraordinary power.
2.  Stories create community.  They link teller to listeners, and listeners to one another.
3.  Stories help us to see through the eyes of other people.  Through stories we reach across the rifts not only of gender and age, but also of race and creed, geography and class, even the rifts between species or between enemies.
4.  Stories show us the consequences of our actions.  To act responsibly, we must be able to foresee where our actions might lead; and stories train our sight.
5.  Stories educate our desires.  Instead of playing on our selfishness and fear, stories give us images for that which is truly worth seeking, worth having, worth doing.
6.  Stories help us dwell in place.  Stories of place help us recognize that we belong to the earth, blood and brain and bone, and that we are kin to other creatures.
7.  Stories help us dwell in time.  History is public, a tale of influences and events that have shaped the present; the mind's time is private, a flow of memory and anticipation that continues, in eddies and rapids, for as long as we are conscious.  Narrative orients us in both kinds of time, public and private.
8.  Stories help us deal with suffering, loss, and death.  Stories reek with our obsession with mortality.
9.  Stories teach us how to be human.  We are creatures of instinct, but not solely of instinct.  More than any other animal, we must learn how to behave.
10.  Stories acknowledge the wonder and mystery of Creation.  [They] give us hope of finding meaning within the great mystery.  

I know it's almost over but Happy Halloween!!!

on being a writer.

It's tough.

But hey, someone told me that anything worth doing can be tough.  Embarking on a new relationship can be tough.  (Is tough.)  Starting a new job, going to college, and well, high school can be tough.  But, the thing is, I'm trying to be a writer, and it's tough.  A writer said that the thing about writing, no one cares if we do it or not.  The world moves on whether we write our novel or we don't.  But we care, okay, I care, and we (writers, to-be-writers, I) is alone in that caring.  Thus, writing is a lonely passion.  We're alone for hours at a time with our words, thoughts, ideas, and characters.  All these words, thoughts, ideas and characters we care so much about but, no one else really does.  I know this is sounding really depressing, and that's not my intention at all.  Because honestly, even during its hardest times, I can't help but love it.  And actually, during the hardest times, the loneliest times, I realize more than ever just how much I really love it.  It's a part of me that I can't really make anyone else understand, and that, I have to accept.

I've been taking a lot of long walks since I arrived in New York, and at the beginning of each walk, doubts, insecurities, and questions about what the heck am I thinking doing this, enter my mind.  But, as I continue to walk, whether it's in the middle of Washington Square Park or the busy streets of Soho, the doubts, insecurities and questions begin to fade until the only thing left is my love for the story.  For the words, and the characters, and for the desire for them to be known.  Yes, no one's life, including my own, depends on whether I write a novel, this novel, or not.  But, I do it anyway.  I want to do it anyway.  And to me that's love.

it's fall and back-to-school

It's officially fall.  Yay!  I remember as a student, I didn't care much for summers.  I looked forward to fall, and the new school year.  But, it's been many, many years since I've actually been a student, so I thought, why not go back?  To school. 

Okay, I'm not officially going back to school, but am going to take some writing classes again next month.  I realized that I need it.  It gives me inspiration, and it makes me feel more alive when I'm around other writers.  And since I've been in this quest for learning, I've been going back and reading through the anthologies I kept from college.

I was an English major, but honestly, I felt like a fraud most of the time.  I was an English major, who didn't have much time to read and write.  I worked two to three jobs at a time all throughout college, and thus, working 40-plus hours a week and taking a full course load, was a little tough.  As much as I wanted to immerse myself in the literary college world, I couldn't.  I just needed to get through school, and on with the next phase of my life. 

So sadly, when I think of college, that's what I remember.  Working.  When all I really wanted was to be a student.  An English major, who sat in the library or on the school lawn for hours, reading.  Or writing.  And maybe, that's why I've been looking through those anthologies.  Because I felt I missed a lot of it the first time around, and I know I must have kept them for a reason.  So that maybe one day, I could go back to those stories and poems, and immerse myself in them.

Or maybe, I just needed to go back to those anthologies so I'd remember.

Remember why I love(d) literature.  Because as I touched and looked through the pages of those anthologies, I realized that maybe I wasn't so out-of-touch with the literary world after all.  I saw the sentences I underlined and the notes I made on the margins, and remembered how I loved Beowulf and Paradise Lost.  And as I looked through the books on my bookshelf, I remembered why I fell in love with Baldwin and Wright.  Why Tolstoy's Anna Karenina touched me in such an unexpected way.  And why poems have a way of speaking to me and making me understand the things that didn't make sense.

I underlined and highlighted this line in Beowulf: "Fate often saves an undoomed man when his courage is good."  Interesting.  I wonder what I must have been thinking of when I underlined, highlighted and put a star next to that sentence.

Anyhow, I'm excited for this season.  For my new school term.  (wink wink)  For my upcoming trip to DC and the Big Apple.  And to hopefully finishing a draft of my book.

What are your plans for this season?

               

thursday musings

I just want to come clean and state for the record that I'm not a Twilight fan.  I don't understand what all the hype was about.  The movie, the story, the characters (actors) just didn't do it for me.  But, Vampire Diaries ... that's a different story.  My obsession started last June (three seasons late) after spending an exhausting afternoon with my niece, her new baby and my nephew.  I came home completely wiped out.  Beyond exhausted.  And all I wanted to do was sprawl down on my couch and watch TV.  Since my sister-in-law had been gushing about Vampire Diaries, thought I'd check it out.  I signed up for Netflix, and waaaapooooosh, I was up until midnight watching the show.  Yes, I've caught up and have watched all three seasons in a matter of months.  (Actually, I watched it in a matter of weeks ... but shhhhh, I don't want anyone thinking I'm that obsessive and that I don't have much of a life.  Besides, season 3 just came out ... again, what does that say about me?)

It got me wondering though about what it is about these shows that intrigue us (or people like me - whatever that means or may be).  Is it the pretty hot characters who play brothers on the show?  Hmmm, I was so pulled into the story that it got me thinking who I would pick if two brothers were in love with me?  The good boy or the bad boy?  I swear, I do have a life, but sometimes, it's just so interesting living in some make-believe world where vampire brothers are in love with the same girl.  Right? 

Then, I realized it's the stories and the characters - that's what pulls me into the show.  And I thought, that's because of good writing - storytelling - and great actors.  If the writers and actors can pull the audience into their make-believe world and make it seem real, then they've done their job.  Exceptionally well.

As you know, I've been working on my book, and have actually shared pieces of it to other students and a few friends.  A couple of people gave me this comment that I've taken to heart: make us fall in love with him.  Him, meaning the guy my main character is in love with.  So, during my writing nights, I'd sit in my balcony, with laptop in front of me and earphones in my ears listening to the soundtrack I created for my character's story.  And I'd write.  About him.  The crazy thing is that the more I write about this fictional character, I find that I'm falling in love with him, too.  I told my friend that the weird thing is that this character is like no one I know.  He was inspired by someone I was once in love with, but the more I write about him (the fictional character), I find that he's nothing like the person he was inspired by.  The good thing about this writing process though is that it gave me closure on past loves and broken hearts.  How's that, you may wonder?  Well, I realized what it is I want and am looking for in a life partner, and who is right for me.  My past loves just weren't it.

Okay, I digressed again.  But anyhow, I can't wait for season 4 to start!  And you know, this time, I'm rooting for the good guy.  Not that the "bad boy" is that bad.  He's the bad boy with a good-in-him kind.  Again, we're talking vampires here.  And well, he's hot with mesmerizing eyes, but the good guy (who I should mention can turn crazy evil, too - remember, vampire) is good.  He loves her.  Well, they both do.  But, he really loves her.  And I may digress again here, but I just remembered this question my cousin asked me (based on a song) - who would you choose?  The one you love or the one who loves you? 

Honestly, I didn't understand that question before.  When it was asked.  But, now I do.  Before Vampire Diaries, I should add.  I'm not that out of touch with the real world. 

Follow Your Passion

I wasn't going to take another writing class until Fall because I wanted to give myself a break, i.e. focus on work.  Then, during Sunday's service about facing the future, about putting things off for a tomorrow that might not be there, I decided, I've put off my writing long enough.  I've ran out of excuses why I shouldn't just do it. 

So, there I was, in class, late last night, tired from a long, eventful weekend and a long Monday at the office.  I know that the reason I didn't want to take another class for awhile was because I was afraid of exhausting myself, spreading myself too thin, and failing.  At everything.  Because I've spread myself too thin.

But, then I remembered, I've done worst than this.  Worked two or three jobs at a time while carrying a full load at school.  Writing poems and short stories at 3 a.m. while I had to be at work four hours later.  Working eight hours a day, then going to class, only to return to work for another couple of hours.  I know I wasn't an attorney then.  I have more responsibilities now and much more at stake.  But again, I also have years of maturity and wisdom that I didn't have at 21.   

The thing is, I told my best friend yesterday during the drive to class, I've put off a lot of things.  Waiting for a certain life that just didn't or hasn't happened.  And there's nothing I can do about that or the time I wasted waiting.  But, I can do something about this.  Right now.  And I just don't want to put it off anymore.  I love to write.  I love to create with words.  I love seeing a story evolve on paper.  I love taking something as simple as a coffee mug and creating a story about it.  I love being able to describe the wrinkles on my character's dress and how it got there.  I love that I can find a story in everything.   

I love art.  It's what fuels the fire inside of me.  And honestly, for a long time, that fire was dead.  I felt dead.  But now, since I started taking these writing classes, being around writers, and just the mere fact that I'm writing, I feel alive again.  Back in my skin.

But I also understand where my dear loved ones are coming from.  They worry that something else has occupied my time.  For years, they competed with law school and then, my job.  And the fact that I'm super-busy also means less of a social life.  Thus, they really worry.  But, I repeated the pastor's sermon: Don't be anxious for nothing.  Don't be anxious about tomorrow.

And, in my own words, I reassured them, I shall not be idle.  And as absurd as this may sound, God has always told me, I'm going to marry an artist.

photo via

Writing. And life.

Replica of how I look most nights and mornings these last couple of weeks.
Minus the fancy wardrobe and decor, of course.  And the beautiful curls.
 

Last night was the last day of my writing class series.  And before we all parted, we read this quote by Anne Lamott:

"E.L. Doctorow once said that 'Writing a novel is like driving a car at night.  You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.'  You don't have to see where you're going, you don't have to see your destination or everything you will pass along the way.  You just have to see two or three feet ahead of you.  This is right up there with the best advice on writing, or life, I have heard." (Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life)

This morning, as I carried my multiple book bags (one filled with client files and the other with notebooks filled with drafts of my story), down the stairs of my apartment, this feeling came over me - I have no idea what tomorrow or the next day or the next week or the next year will bring.  I can fall flat on my face.  Completely fail.  Have people hate my work.  Never get anything published.  I can try and fail.  And feel horrible.  And rejected.  Or I can not try at all so that I never have to feel that sense of rejection and failure.  But, I want to keep trying.  I want to keep writing.  I want to keep doing this.  Right now, I'm just loving this process.  Of writing again.  Of being immersed in this world of writers.  And right now, I'm just going to embrace that as much as I can. 

I'm leaving it up to God to take care of tomorrow. 

photo via Everything Lovely

(disclaimer: Not a picture of me.  But I wished I looked that lovely while I'm in the midst of work.)

You have to believe.

This is what I tell myself whenever I hear the LOUD doubts and disbeliefs that follow

whenever I gush about being a published writer one day:

"You have to believe.

Otherwise, it will never happen."

Neil Gaiman, Stardust



photo via Becca

lessons from the young writer

Funny how a little fellow can teach me so much.  Can bring me back to the person that I am. 

Jordan wrote a story the other day.  He was mighty proud because it was over 600 words (according to the word count on the computer).  And as my family and I gathered around to listen to him read it to us, I thought, here's my little writer.  He doesn't have to wait for one day to be a writer; he's already a writer.  An amazing writer.  At six years old.  And I reminded him of that: you're a great writer, babe.  (Yep, he's my babe.)  Keep writing.

That day, I learned these things from Jordan:

(1) Be proud of your voice.  He read that story with such conviction.  He didn't let the giggles from the room sway him; he kept on reading.   

(2) Tell the stories you want to tell, and in the way you want to tell them.  There's always basketball in Jordan's stories.  But he can tell a basketball story in many different ways. 

(3) Just write.  Let your creativity flow.  When I got to my mom's house on the 4th, Jordan was on the computer typing away.  When I went over to say hello to him, he told me that he was writing a story and I couldn't read it until he was done.  Then, he went back to his writing.  He was in a zone.  No one could disturb him. 

(4) Just write and the story will come.  Although Jordan finally learned to write in sentences, using punctuation marks, he still doesn't do paragraph breaks.  So, the story was one long paragraph.  But that long paragraph had a story.  It had characters.  It had dialogue.  It had conflict.  It had a resolution.  And it even had a lesson.  Patience.  Pretty amazing, huh?

(5) Know what you love and do it.  At six, Jordan knows he loves to read and write.  And he loves basketball.  Sometimes, we have to pull him away from the computer or from all the notebooks that he has compiled.  (He started writing journals when he was four.)  Sometimes, we have to tell him that he can't keep dribbling the ball or spend so many hours practicing his shots.  That he has to do something else.  Sometimes, we try to get him to play other sports or play games with the other kids.  But, he's adamant.  His love is basketball.  It's the only sport he wants to play.  And he loves to read and write.  Playing games with other kids is just not his thing.  It bores him.  He loves to create stories.  That's what he wants to do.  And the other day, I thought, why not just let him?  I realized that what you want to be when you're young, before all the pressures and influences of life, before you've been disappointed and told you can't do that, is really a reflection of your true self.  The purest, truest YOU. 

When I was young, I wanted to be a writer. 

at a lost

I'm at a lost. 

I should be working on my writing project, but nothing seems to be interesting right now.  All the words seem blah.  The scenes - boring.  The conflict - blah.  The characters - shallow.  Blah.  And I have to turn in ten pages by Sunday.  I can't even get through page one.  I look at the pages that I do have and they just seem blah. 

My lack of a better vocabulary than blah probably demonstrates my lack of creativity this morning.  I need to find a time when I write best.  That's what I've been told.  Try different times of the day, and see what works for you. 

When I was in college, I'd wake up and write at two a.m.  Or at three.  Those were the times that I wrote.  But if I did that now, it'd be hard to function at work.  I'm always rushing to get somewhere, try to beat the traffic.  Put myself in professional mode.  Dress the part.  Speak the part.  Shed myself of the person I was just a few hours ago.

Now that I'm writing again, I'm realizing how detached I was to my surroundings.  My attention to detail on my cases, on the reports I read, is precise - I notice the misspelled words, the change in voice, the date of the incident, the time, the properties that were seized, the names of every witness, the names of the officers.  I could recognize the slight differences from one report to another even though at first glance, they looked identical.

But, once I lifted my eyes from the pages, my attention to detail diminished somehow.  And it's only as of late that I'm realizing that - I'm noticing things around me that I'm sure was there before but somehow, I just never saw them.  The crack on the handle of my favorite "Love from New York" coffee cup.  The dust that have settled underneath my books.  The plants that have overgrown the pots I bought them in.  When did they grow?

Sometimes, I wonder, how much did I miss while I lived in the pages of my profession?

But, I guess, it's never too late to notice.  I realize that to be a writer, you have to be an observer.  You have to watch and know the world in order to describe it, or change the details of it.

I guess, that's my next assignment: to watch.  Pay attention.

Have a wonderful Friday, everyone!
  

the writer

"The writer, perhaps more than any of his fellow artists, has access

to the human subconscious.  His words sink deep, shaping dreams,

easing the pain of loneliness, banishing incantations and omens,

keeping alive the memories of the race, providing intimations of

immortality, nourishing great anticipations, sharpening the instinct

for justice, and imparting respect for the fragility of life.  These

functions are essential for human evolution."

(- Norman Cousins)

(Photo taken during writing retreat at Idyllwild.  Playing with the exposure - wanted to capture and emphasize on the blue hues of the sky during sunset.) 

How writers write

I'm always curious about how writers write.  When I read this from Paulo Coelho's blog (and if you know me, you know I absolutely love Coelho!), I was inspired.  And reassured. 

See the original on his blog here.

But, thought I'd share it on my page, too.  (As a reminder for me!)  Here is what Coelho had to say about how he writes:

On Inspiration: "I procrastinate, check some emails ... then, I start.  I write my books very quickly because I cannot stop."

On Confidence: "You cannot sell your next book by underrating your book that was just published.  Be proud of what you have."

On Simplicity:  "What counts in a good story is the person inside.  Keep it simple."

On Trust:  "Trust your reader.  Don't try to describe things.  Give a hint and they will fulfill this hint with their own imagination."

On Writing:  "I write the book that wants to be written.  Behind the first sentence is a thread that takes you to the last."

On Expertise:  "You cannot take something out of nothing.  When you write a book, you use your experience."

On Critics:  "Writers want to please their peers.  They want to be recognized.  Forget about this.  Who cares?  You should care to share your soul and not to please other writers who will write a review that nobody is going to read."

On Overcoming Stagnation:  "If I don't feel inspired, I need to move forward.  You need to have be disciplined."

On Research:  "If you overload your book with a lot of research, you are going to be very boring to yourself and to your reader.  Books are not there to show how intelligent you are.  Books are there to show your soul."

On Notetaking:  "I use notes to take them out of my head.  I will never use them the next day - they will be useless."

On Story Arcs:  "There are only four types of stories: love story between 2 people, love story between 3 people, a struggle for power, and a journey."

On Style:  "Don't try to innovate storytelling.  Tell a good story and it is magical.  I see people trying to work so much in style, finding different ways to tell the same thing.  It is like fashion.  Style is the dress, but the dress does not dictate what is inside the dress.  What counts is the person."

On Notetaking II:  "If you want to capture ideas, you are lost.  You are going to be detached from emotions and forget to live your life.  You will be an observer and not a human being living his or her life.  Forget notetaking.  What is important remains, what is not important goes away."


This reminded me of why I love Coelho.  And why (how) I write, as well ... although I struggle with the whys and hows.  But, this reassured me.  Share your soul.  Be proud of your voice.  Share your soul.  
 

Photo by Jason Tavares