on being a writer.

It's tough.

But hey, someone told me that anything worth doing can be tough.  Embarking on a new relationship can be tough.  (Is tough.)  Starting a new job, going to college, and well, high school can be tough.  But, the thing is, I'm trying to be a writer, and it's tough.  A writer said that the thing about writing, no one cares if we do it or not.  The world moves on whether we write our novel or we don't.  But we care, okay, I care, and we (writers, to-be-writers, I) is alone in that caring.  Thus, writing is a lonely passion.  We're alone for hours at a time with our words, thoughts, ideas, and characters.  All these words, thoughts, ideas and characters we care so much about but, no one else really does.  I know this is sounding really depressing, and that's not my intention at all.  Because honestly, even during its hardest times, I can't help but love it.  And actually, during the hardest times, the loneliest times, I realize more than ever just how much I really love it.  It's a part of me that I can't really make anyone else understand, and that, I have to accept.

I've been taking a lot of long walks since I arrived in New York, and at the beginning of each walk, doubts, insecurities, and questions about what the heck am I thinking doing this, enter my mind.  But, as I continue to walk, whether it's in the middle of Washington Square Park or the busy streets of Soho, the doubts, insecurities and questions begin to fade until the only thing left is my love for the story.  For the words, and the characters, and for the desire for them to be known.  Yes, no one's life, including my own, depends on whether I write a novel, this novel, or not.  But, I do it anyway.  I want to do it anyway.  And to me that's love.