i love new york

Walking around this city does wonders to my soul.

And my heart.

it's fall and back-to-school

It's officially fall.  Yay!  I remember as a student, I didn't care much for summers.  I looked forward to fall, and the new school year.  But, it's been many, many years since I've actually been a student, so I thought, why not go back?  To school. 

Okay, I'm not officially going back to school, but am going to take some writing classes again next month.  I realized that I need it.  It gives me inspiration, and it makes me feel more alive when I'm around other writers.  And since I've been in this quest for learning, I've been going back and reading through the anthologies I kept from college.

I was an English major, but honestly, I felt like a fraud most of the time.  I was an English major, who didn't have much time to read and write.  I worked two to three jobs at a time all throughout college, and thus, working 40-plus hours a week and taking a full course load, was a little tough.  As much as I wanted to immerse myself in the literary college world, I couldn't.  I just needed to get through school, and on with the next phase of my life. 

So sadly, when I think of college, that's what I remember.  Working.  When all I really wanted was to be a student.  An English major, who sat in the library or on the school lawn for hours, reading.  Or writing.  And maybe, that's why I've been looking through those anthologies.  Because I felt I missed a lot of it the first time around, and I know I must have kept them for a reason.  So that maybe one day, I could go back to those stories and poems, and immerse myself in them.

Or maybe, I just needed to go back to those anthologies so I'd remember.

Remember why I love(d) literature.  Because as I touched and looked through the pages of those anthologies, I realized that maybe I wasn't so out-of-touch with the literary world after all.  I saw the sentences I underlined and the notes I made on the margins, and remembered how I loved Beowulf and Paradise Lost.  And as I looked through the books on my bookshelf, I remembered why I fell in love with Baldwin and Wright.  Why Tolstoy's Anna Karenina touched me in such an unexpected way.  And why poems have a way of speaking to me and making me understand the things that didn't make sense.

I underlined and highlighted this line in Beowulf: "Fate often saves an undoomed man when his courage is good."  Interesting.  I wonder what I must have been thinking of when I underlined, highlighted and put a star next to that sentence.

Anyhow, I'm excited for this season.  For my new school term.  (wink wink)  For my upcoming trip to DC and the Big Apple.  And to hopefully finishing a draft of my book.

What are your plans for this season?

               

life's simple joys

Having your favorite author's new book delivered to your doorstep on the day it is released:

There is something especially exciting and joyous about opening a package or envelope that is delivered by the good ol' mail man/woman.  Or UPS/FedEx.  Love it!  

Now, I can't wait to finish this brief so I can start reading ... :)

  

can't wait!

I know the movie is never as good as the book, but I still can't wait to watch this movie.  I loved this book.  It changed me.  In many ways.  As I read it in the middle of the night, I felt myself come out, transform ... Back.  To.  Me.  And I understood.

"I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons.  And maybe we'll never know most of them.  But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there.  We can still do things.  And we can try to feel okay about them." 

And how I loved Sam.  Once upon a time, I had her courage:

"It's just that I don't want to be somebody's crush.  If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real  me, not what they think I am .  And I don't want them to carry it around inside.  I want them to show, so I can feel it too.  I want them to be able to do whatever they want around me."

"It's much easier to not know things sometimes.  Things change and friends leave.  And life doesn't stop for anybody.  I wanted to laugh.  Or maybe get mad.  Or maybe shrug at how strange everybody was, especially me.  I think the idea is that every person has to live for his or her own life and then make the choice to share it with other people.  You can't just sit there and put everybody's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love.  You just can't.  You have to do things.  I'm going to do what I want to do.  I'm going to be who I really am.  And I'm going to figure out what that is.  And we could all sit around and wonder and feel bad about each other and blame a lot of people for what they did or didn't do or what they didn't know.  I don't know.  I guess there could always be someone to blame.  It's just different.  Maybe it's good to put things in perspective, but sometimes, I think that the only perspective is to really be there.  Because it's okay to feel things.  I was really there.  And that was enough to make me feel infinite.  I feel infinite."

(Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky)

thursday's tune.

I know I've posted this song several times on this blog but I just really love this song.  If you haven't already figured out, I'm a big U2 fan.  And I love most of their songs, but this one, this one has got to be up there on my list of all-time favorite songs.  And well, since I'm writing again (outside of this blog, I mean), I thought I'd post this song for celebration and inspiration.  This song makes me want to write.  Everytime I hear it, I feel my heart unfurl.  Slow at first, but by the chorus, no fail, it reaches full bloom, revealing everything I've ever felt and everything I've always wanted to say.

i love this guy.

when i seek quiet and calmness, poetry is where i go.  and nature.  photographs of nature.  so, this guy's site is where i wander to - where i don't mind getting lost in for hours and hours.   

here's my recent favorites:

via tyler knott

Sometimes

I must carry through

the crazy

to notice

that soon,

a light

would spread

in me.

- Tyler Knott

via tyler knott

he's amazing.  check out tyler knott's site here.

Happy Friday, everyone!!!

thursday's tune.

It's been awhile since I posted a U2 song.  Although there are times, that's all I need. 

(I love how Bono introduced this song here.)

Inspiration and the sky

Want to know a secret?

I'm fascinated with the sky.  It inspires me.  And clouds that fill the sky has always had an unfailing ability to perk me up.  All.  The.  Time.  No.  Matter.  What. 

I think that's why I fell in love with Europe.  When I think of Spain, I remember umbrellas of clouds in varying shapes and sizes.  I felt like I was in heaven.  The way I always imagined heaven to look like.

So, thought I'd share some pics that make me smile.  (Remember, I live in Los Angeles, and as much as I love this city, it is known for, yep, it's that word =SMOG= so I savor every bit of cloud I can get.) 

down the 405

i love the blue!

office view: on a Monday afternoon

Happy Tuesday, everyone!!! 

(And 3 more days until the writing retreat.  I can't wait!!!)

"I'm Only Happy When It Rains"

I woke up to the sound of raindrops.

And it was perfect.

The perfect morning.

I love sunny days (I'm a summer baby), but I love the rain just as much.

I've always loved rainy-day-activities ... inside or out.  A small confession: I have a list of activities for a perfect rainy day.  Like today.

How about you?  Do you love rainy days?  What's your favorite rainy day activity?

And he said ...

~ smile ~

p.s. I've had this song on repeat all morning.  U2 in the morning = happiness. :)  Hope you have a beautiful Thursday! 

Photo via



a new leaf

It's Fall!  And although the start of fall means that the year is coming to a close, I still love this season.  The cooler weather, changing leaves, and all the back-to-school sales (even though it has been quite awhile since I've gone to school).  But something about fall smells new, and inspires change.  A new start.  

I know I struggle with looking back at the past.  I refer to it many more times than I really wish to.  Sometimes, it becomes so much a part of my present life that I neglect to notice what's going on now.  The present moment.  I want to change that.  I've been working on changing that.  So, as my fall resolution, to celebrate this season of change and newness, I will strive (extra hard, much harder) to stay present.  Here, and in every aspect of my life.  Maybe that's why the last couple of weeks I've had to take a hard look back, so I can finally say, goodbye.

I know it'll be a challenge, but my friend told me that looking back really means holding on to who we once were, how our loved ones were, which discourages change.  But people change.  We change.  Embrace that change.  Move forward.  Not back.

Happy fall season!  Let's enjoy today.  For all it has to offer.  :)  

Photo: weheartit     

Rome state of mind

One of my best friends just came back from a European vacation with her husband.  I spoke to her a couple of hours ago, and as she told me about her trip, I became nostalgic for Europe.  For Madrid.  Sevilla.  Barcelona.  London.  Amsterdam.  Paris.  Avignon.  Venice.  Florence.  And Rome. 

Rome. 

My friend told me that she kept thinking about me while she was in Rome.  Every restaurant she walked by.  Every street she walked through.  She thought about me.  It's nice to be thought of that way.  Especially since she and I never shared any memories in Rome.  But she knows how much I gush about it.  How much I love everything about the place.       

I took the above photo the last time I was in Rome.  It's the view from the place my friend and I were staying at. 

Aww, I can't wait to go back.  Because I will.  One of these days. 

I think I really need to go on vacation soon.   

Anew

It's September!

I can't believe how fast the year has gone by.

Yet, I can't help but feel excited about

the nearing change in season.

I've always loved fall {autumn}.

It's my favorite time of year.

It makes me think of new beginnings.

That's what it is.

A time to start anew.

The season that embodies hope.

And inspires change.

What does autumn mean to you?

Photo: Giovanni Orlando

It's about time!

I once dated a guy with a kid.  And as much as he didn't know how to introduce a woman he's dating to his five-year-old son, I didn't know how to introduce a man I was dating to my six-year-old nephew. You see, although I don't have a kid of my own, my nephew is the center of my world.  He's my BFF.  And many times, when I look at him, listen to his fabulous stories and his laughter, I think, this is why I don't have kids.  If I did, I may not be able to have these moments, just as they are, with him.  Just me and him. 

One day, months ago, I tried to broach the subject of me and babies with him.  We were taking a walk, and he was telling me yet another fantastic story.  I asked him, do you want cousins?  He stopped walking, and looked up at me.  What do you mean? he asked.  Well, I told him, if I have a kid, then that kid will be your cousin.  He didn't say a word.  Continued walking.  Then, after a few seconds of silence, he told me a joke.  That was my clue that he didn't want to talk about it.     

This summer, I signed him up for a basketball league.  And every Monday, he goes to work with me, so I can take him to practice in the afternoon.  We start our day off with breakfast time at my desk, while I write his schedule for the day.  He likes to follow that schedule to a tee, thus, reading time does not start until exactly 9:30, and computer time does not start until exactly 10:30.  The best moments of my Mondays are when we just sit there at my desk, have breakfast, lunch and just talk.  I love hearing his stories.  He has the funniest, most amazing stories.

A couple of weeks ago, my cousin and her new baby daughter was at my mom's house.  As I was adoring the beautiful tiny baby, my niece asked her brother how he would feel if I had a baby.  My nephew thought for a moment, then he said, I'd be okay with it.  That'll be fine.  In fact, it's about time.  She's *** years old already!"  (He added a couple of years to my age!)  Then, after stating his approval, he stompered off, leaving everyone shocked at first, before bursting out in laughter.        

I didn't know what to say. 

He's still the center of my world.  And so, have to sign off and watch his basketball game this morning.  I promised myself that I was going to take advantage of every moment that I have with him.  Every moment that I have with him being the number one kid in my life.

I believe that being an aunt is one of the most wonderful jobs in the world.  (The closest thing to actually being a mom.)  Right now, it's my most favorite role.  :) 

Photo: Mamma Mia

balloons kinda month

It's my birth month! 

I would normally say that without an exclamation.  Because while most people I know welcome the month of their birth with enthusiasm (and an excuse to celebrate the entire month), I usually greeted this month with sulky defiance.  Why?  Because it has always been a month of challenges for me.  Difficult challenges.  And despite my many efforts to give it a chance to redeem itself (since it is the month I was born), it insisted on daring me even more.  See how much I can take. 

But this year I feel differently.  I'm actually excited.  Not because I have any great plans or I'm expecting something special or magical to happen (because again, I can't remember the last time something especially fabulous happened in this month to serve as a happy birthday present).  But for the first time, in a long time, I just feel ... good.  About this month.

I feel it being a balloons kinda a month.  And if you know me, you know I just love balloons!   Balloons make me smile and happy like a little kid who is celebrating her birthday at the happiest place on earth.  And my happiest place on earth is anywhere filled with balloons.

So, happy July!  Here's to welcoming (and celebrating) this month with joyous anticipation.     

photo: weheartit

the perfect date.

i'd say yes. 

over

and

over

and

over 

again. 

and again. 

and again.

p.s. i love these lights.  i love trees with lights.  outdoor dining.  this setting.  and of course, the man who knows all of that.  :)  

source: inspiri

i love awesome!

these heart-shaped, happy face flowers are pretty awesome.

yes, i'm promoting neil pasricha's book - the book of awesome.  i've had his blog saved on my favorites list for awhile now, but honestly, wasn't aware that the book had come out until a special someone and i walked into urban outfitters and he said, this book is pretty awesome.  so, he purchased it and we looked through it over coffee.  that's when i asked him, what do you think is awesome?

you see, i love awesome!  aside from amazing, it's my next favorite word.  so, i was really excited when i looked through the book.  because awesome things make me happy.  and it was exciting that someone (many people) out there feel the same way.   

sitting in coffee bean at that moment was ... pretty awesome.   

after my very difficult 2010, after losing loved ones unexpectedly and too soon, i vowed to always seek out happy and amazing (and awesome) things around me.  i've learned that despite heartache and loss and disappointment, there is always something to smile about ... if you only take the time to notice it (them).

did i mention that sitting in coffee bean, reading the book of awesome, with someone i was finding to be pretty awesome, was REALLY awesome (amazing)? 

that moment when you look at someone, and discover, awww i think like this, that is awesome.  an awesome feeling!

what do you find awesome?  let's make it a challenge.  write one awesome thing from your day.  for the next 30 days.  see what you discover.  what you learn. 

and if you want some ideas, check out neil pasricha's books: the book of awesome and the book of (even more) awesome.  Enjoy! 

i love awesome!  life is awesome!  you are awesome!

photo = mine :)

wish.

I've always loved this word.  Loved the sound.  There's a certain playfulness to it.  I picture being on a swing and swinging as high as I can go.  Weeee!  I picture playing in the rain.  Dancing and sloshing around as the rain soaks my hair and clothes.  There's such freedom in that.  And in this word.  Wish.

As a little kid, I believed in wishes.  I believed that if you wish really, really hard for something, it will come true.  I believed that if you persistently, day in and day out, believed in its truth, it will one day take its form.

Now, as an adult, I still love the word.  And I still make wishes.  Every year, when I blow my birthday candles.  Every year, when the clock strikes twelve announcing Christmas Day.  And twice, when I threw a coin over my shoulder into the Trevi fountain. 

But now, I also believe that wishes just don't come true.  Just like that.  Maybe some would say I've become a little jaded.  But now, I just believe that in order for wishes to come true, we have to play a part in it.  It takes more than believing in the wish, we have to live the wish.  We need to ride on the swing and dance in the rain in able to see the wish transform into its concrete form.  And actually, in some way, I prefer that.  I think there's more magic in that.

*photo via

book club read: love the one you're with

Had a lovely morning.  Brunch with my book club girls (and our new male-perspective addition) at my favorite café.  We've been reading books by Emily Giffin, one of my favorite authors.  (Yes, lots of favorites!)  Our next book is Love the One You're With.  Although I had read all of Emily's books a first time, reading them for the second time for the book club seem to bring new insight on the characters (and their circumstances).  Well, the second time around, I also paid attention to the details that I quickly glanced over the first time because I just wanted so badly to know what was going to happen next.  Anyhow, I found that my second reading of Something Borrowed and Something Blue also brought new waves of thoughts and emotions.  I realized that reading certain (or all?) books at specific, poignant points in our lives can bring different perspectives and interpretations ... about the characters, their circumstances, the theme ...* 

Well, I'm excited to read this next book.  It's one of my favorites.  The first time I read it, I was heartbroken, confused, and was on my way to Madrid.  This time, no broken heart, no confusion, and I'm home (in the States).  :)  I wonder what my perspective will be this second time around.  (I'll let you know ...)         

And without spoiling the book, I love these quotes.  (Maybe my favorites ... from this book.)  (See, I love favorites!)  I pose these questions to my book club girls and guy. :)  (Something to ponder about ...)

"Sometimes there are no happy endings.  No matter what, I’ll be losing something, someone.  But maybe that’s what it all comes down to.  Love, not as a surge of passion, but as a choice to commit to something, someone, no matter what obstacles or temptations stand in the way.  And maybe making that choice, again and again, day in and day out, year after year, says more about love than never having a choice to make at all."

"After all, isn’t settling about having no options at all?  About taking something because it’s better than nothing?  I finally had a choice.  And I chose."

What do you think?

*Hmmm, in college, my favorite book was Anna Karenina.  Hmmm ... maybe I should read it again and see how I feel about it now.  :)

sometimes ...

... is all you can say.

sometimes, it's all you need to say.

sometimes, it's all you should say.

i believe those three words together, in its perfect sequence,

in its honest timing, is the most beautiful composition of words.

unfortunately, it's not used enough.  at least when it should be.

such simple words that, sometimes, require so much courage to even utter.

but find the courage.

say it.

i love you.

mean it.

and you'll see what a world of difference it makes.

i love you.

i love you.

do you see? 

do you feel it?

i love you.

*photo via le love