the sams and charlies

I finally watched it!

And I loved it.

I still love the book more, but since Stephen Chbosky

wrote the screenplay, directed, and also produced the film,

he stuck with the story.

Watching the movie made me think a lot about high school.

About growing up and trying to find yourself.

Many times I still think I'm trying to find myself.

Then, I think that's okay.

We evolve.  We change.

And sometimes, it's hard to keep up with ourselves.

Then, there's the parts of us that remain the same.

And that's okay, too.

The Sam part of me is still there.

Will probably be the part of me that remains

even though at times, it gets lost in the Charlie part of me.

Which will probably remain, too.

And that's okay.

***

"I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won't tell them

that people are starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn't

change the fact that they were upset.  And even if somebody else has it much

worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have."

"It's just that I don't want to be somebody's crush.  If somebody likes me,

I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am.  And I don't

want them to carry it around inside.  I want them to show me, so I can feel it too."

"And I guess I realized at that moment that I really did love her.

Because there was nothing to gain, and that didn't matter."

"So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons.  And maybe we'll never

know most of them.  But even if we don't have the power to choose where

we come from, we can still choose where we go from there.  We can still do things.

And we can try to feel okay about them."

"It's great that you can listen and be a shoulder to someone, but what about

when someone doesn't need a shoulder?  What if they need the arms or

something like that?  You can't just sit there and put everybody's lives

ahead of yours and think that counts as love.  You just can't.  You have to do things."

(Quotes from Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky)

***

I don't know why but right now as I write this and thinking about the book/movie, something my brother said at our YA Bible Study came to mind.  He was talking about relationships with people in church but I think it applies to all relationships.  He said that the benefits of loving relationships outweigh the hurt.  Those afraid to love because they are afraid of getting hurt misses out on a lot.  I think that's true.  I also believe that in our attempts to protect ourselves from getting hurt or our good intentions in protecting someone from getting hurt, the consequence is still hurt.  In protecting ourselves, we end up hurting ourselves.  In protecting the other person, we end up hurting him/her.  The thing is, it hurts because we love.  If we didn't love, it wouldn't hurt.  

movie under the stars

There's something romantic about watching a movie under the stars.  The misty night air and cool breeze just fills me with blissful giddiness.  Now, add palm trees as a backdrop, tombstones all around, and Scarface ... my heart's been won. 


Hollywood Forever Cemetery

the crowd settling in.

the moon couldn't be more perfect.

It was the perfect Sunday evening.  :)

Perfect end to a great summer.

Perfect beginning to fall (my favorite season).

Looking forward to new adventures.

can't wait!

I know the movie is never as good as the book, but I still can't wait to watch this movie.  I loved this book.  It changed me.  In many ways.  As I read it in the middle of the night, I felt myself come out, transform ... Back.  To.  Me.  And I understood.

"I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons.  And maybe we'll never know most of them.  But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there.  We can still do things.  And we can try to feel okay about them." 

And how I loved Sam.  Once upon a time, I had her courage:

"It's just that I don't want to be somebody's crush.  If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real  me, not what they think I am .  And I don't want them to carry it around inside.  I want them to show, so I can feel it too.  I want them to be able to do whatever they want around me."

"It's much easier to not know things sometimes.  Things change and friends leave.  And life doesn't stop for anybody.  I wanted to laugh.  Or maybe get mad.  Or maybe shrug at how strange everybody was, especially me.  I think the idea is that every person has to live for his or her own life and then make the choice to share it with other people.  You can't just sit there and put everybody's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love.  You just can't.  You have to do things.  I'm going to do what I want to do.  I'm going to be who I really am.  And I'm going to figure out what that is.  And we could all sit around and wonder and feel bad about each other and blame a lot of people for what they did or didn't do or what they didn't know.  I don't know.  I guess there could always be someone to blame.  It's just different.  Maybe it's good to put things in perspective, but sometimes, I think that the only perspective is to really be there.  Because it's okay to feel things.  I was really there.  And that was enough to make me feel infinite.  I feel infinite."

(Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky)

This morning: I want to believe that.

You know that feeling?

That feeling when you just want the right thing to fall into the right place,

not only because it's right,

but because it will mean that such a thing is still possible?

I want to believe that.

(Quote from Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist)

Photos: Better Than Fine

amazing life.

*photo via

I'm a busy body with a multi-tasking addiction.  A workaholic, who is feeling pretty burnt out these days.  A busy body, multi-tasking, workaholic who recently noticed that lately, she has not been very productive because it has been taking double the time to finish a task.  No wonder I was working extra extra hours.  

So, after admitting that I may (do) have a problem, I decided, I need a change.  I need to change.  My lifestyle.  I need to stop and ... breathe.  Stop and look around.  Stop and think.  Stop and feel.  Stop and breathe.  

And it's been one week.  One week of no Criminal Minds (or any television shows) to keep me company while I washed the dishes or cooked or blog.  One week of only eating while I ate, meaning no television, no Internet, no books while I had a fork in my hand.*  And one week of paying attention to what it is that helps me clear my head -- to what brings me joy and peace of mind. 

I finally turned on my little fountain after four years of silence.  Vanilla-scented candles always bring me comfort and warmth, so I'm sure to always have them around.  And watching a movie, while only watching the movie, is quite a liberating experience.  I saw The Proposal last night.  I laughed and cried so hard.  It felt amazing.

So, I start week 2 tomorrow.  I can't wait.  I can't wait to discover what other amazing things there are.  But before I get ahead of myself and start wondering about tomorrow, I'm going to log off, and get ready for the amazing thing that awaits me in 15 minutes: Brothers and Sisters.  

Then, a good night sleep.  Sweet dreams!  

*Okay, this was especially difficult and I relapsed a couple of times, but not for very long.        

i've been outed.

Okay, I admit.  I love this.  Always does it for me. :)

Sometimes, it's as easy (or, okay, difficult) as asking one question - what do you want?  Ask it anyway.  Sometimes, it's as difficult as saying, I want you no matter what.  Say it anyway. 

Letters to Juliet (disclaimer: there may be spoilers!)

I was hesitant to watch this movie.  I just haven't been in the mood for hopeless romantic fantasy-films, and well, this one just seemed to have such an impossible story line that I couldn't even grasp the idea of watching it.  I'm all for fiction, but when it comes to stories about traveling around with a stranger in a foreign country and falling in love with that person in a matter of days, I'm a hard sell.* 

C'mon.  A girl finds a letter from fifty years ago written to Juliet, answers it, and ends up going on a road trip with the aged author of the letter and her grandson to find the aged woman's lost love.  How realistic is that?  Wasn't she afraid that they were crazy lunatics and could've killed her along the way?  Okay, I sound quite cynical.  I can be sometimes.  It comes with the day (and night) job.  

But I was willing to give the movie a chance.  Until she falls in love with the grandson!  And he falls in love with her!  C'mon.  C'mon.  Really?  Is it really that easy?**

Yet to my surprise (who am I kidding? - surprise), I liked the movie.  And yes, as I suspected (expected), it is the kind of movie that enable hopeless romantics to persevere.  The kind of movie that feeds the hearts of hopeless romantics with so much hope and dreams and all that true love stuff.  All the stuff that I wasn't really in the mood for.  But there I was, falling for it ... the movie and its message.  About true love.  I even got teary-eyed as I folded my laundry and watched the aged Claire look for her Lorenzo.***  Ah! 

And it was this part that sealed it for me ... when Claire read the letter that Juliet (Sophie) wrote.  Because even though this story about the search for true love is as far from realistic as Cinderella-and-her-glass-slippers story,**** I believe what "Juliet" wrote in this letter is true.

Dear Claire,

"What" and "If" are two words as non-threatening as words can be.  But put them together, side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life.  "What if?"  "What if?"  "What if?"  I don't know how your story ended but I know that if what you felt then was love - "true love", then it's never too late.  If it was true love then, why wouldn't it be true now?  You need only the courage to follow your heart. 

I don't know what a love like Juliet's feels like; a love to leave loved ones for, a love to cross oceans for.  But I'd like to believe if I ever were to feel it, that I'd have the courage to seize it.  And Claire, if you didn't, I hope one day that you will.

All my love,

Juliet

*Okay, I love "The Notebook," but they spent a summer together so they're hardly strangers.  And that was supposed to be real!  Right?

**Yeah.

**Okay, I was crying mid-laundry-folding, but ... how can you not cry?  Fifty years is a long time to wonder and wait!

***Cinderella is the fairytale of all fairytales.  But shh, I still love it!

*photo via weheartit