the sams and charlies

I finally watched it!

And I loved it.

I still love the book more, but since Stephen Chbosky

wrote the screenplay, directed, and also produced the film,

he stuck with the story.

Watching the movie made me think a lot about high school.

About growing up and trying to find yourself.

Many times I still think I'm trying to find myself.

Then, I think that's okay.

We evolve.  We change.

And sometimes, it's hard to keep up with ourselves.

Then, there's the parts of us that remain the same.

And that's okay, too.

The Sam part of me is still there.

Will probably be the part of me that remains

even though at times, it gets lost in the Charlie part of me.

Which will probably remain, too.

And that's okay.

***

"I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won't tell them

that people are starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn't

change the fact that they were upset.  And even if somebody else has it much

worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have."

"It's just that I don't want to be somebody's crush.  If somebody likes me,

I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am.  And I don't

want them to carry it around inside.  I want them to show me, so I can feel it too."

"And I guess I realized at that moment that I really did love her.

Because there was nothing to gain, and that didn't matter."

"So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons.  And maybe we'll never

know most of them.  But even if we don't have the power to choose where

we come from, we can still choose where we go from there.  We can still do things.

And we can try to feel okay about them."

"It's great that you can listen and be a shoulder to someone, but what about

when someone doesn't need a shoulder?  What if they need the arms or

something like that?  You can't just sit there and put everybody's lives

ahead of yours and think that counts as love.  You just can't.  You have to do things."

(Quotes from Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky)

***

I don't know why but right now as I write this and thinking about the book/movie, something my brother said at our YA Bible Study came to mind.  He was talking about relationships with people in church but I think it applies to all relationships.  He said that the benefits of loving relationships outweigh the hurt.  Those afraid to love because they are afraid of getting hurt misses out on a lot.  I think that's true.  I also believe that in our attempts to protect ourselves from getting hurt or our good intentions in protecting someone from getting hurt, the consequence is still hurt.  In protecting ourselves, we end up hurting ourselves.  In protecting the other person, we end up hurting him/her.  The thing is, it hurts because we love.  If we didn't love, it wouldn't hurt.  

can't wait!

I know the movie is never as good as the book, but I still can't wait to watch this movie.  I loved this book.  It changed me.  In many ways.  As I read it in the middle of the night, I felt myself come out, transform ... Back.  To.  Me.  And I understood.

"I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons.  And maybe we'll never know most of them.  But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there.  We can still do things.  And we can try to feel okay about them." 

And how I loved Sam.  Once upon a time, I had her courage:

"It's just that I don't want to be somebody's crush.  If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real  me, not what they think I am .  And I don't want them to carry it around inside.  I want them to show, so I can feel it too.  I want them to be able to do whatever they want around me."

"It's much easier to not know things sometimes.  Things change and friends leave.  And life doesn't stop for anybody.  I wanted to laugh.  Or maybe get mad.  Or maybe shrug at how strange everybody was, especially me.  I think the idea is that every person has to live for his or her own life and then make the choice to share it with other people.  You can't just sit there and put everybody's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love.  You just can't.  You have to do things.  I'm going to do what I want to do.  I'm going to be who I really am.  And I'm going to figure out what that is.  And we could all sit around and wonder and feel bad about each other and blame a lot of people for what they did or didn't do or what they didn't know.  I don't know.  I guess there could always be someone to blame.  It's just different.  Maybe it's good to put things in perspective, but sometimes, I think that the only perspective is to really be there.  Because it's okay to feel things.  I was really there.  And that was enough to make me feel infinite.  I feel infinite."

(Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky)

the creation of fictional characters

"When we read fiction, we pour our own particular store of emotions -

say, the sense of loss we feel for those disappeared from our lives -

into the characters set before us.  We take the few words with which

the writer sketches these characters, the things he said, the pain she

felt, where they were, and our own emotional stockpile magically creates

people.  As the human eye fleshes out the pixilated image.  Fictional

characters are highly sophisticated Rorschach blots, and we, along with

their author, are their authors.  When you read a fictional character,

you too are creating her."

(Chandler Burr, You or Someone Like You)

Photo: Zachary Su

i fancy the socks! and the quote, too. :)

I want a pair of these!

And I thought the quote is so-fitting for my current state of (heart) mind.

I was (and still am) so moved by One Day that I can't stop thinking about it.

I can't stop gushing about it to everyone I speak to.

It's a story that will stay with you, I tell my secretary.

It'll make you laugh.  Make you cry. 

Oh, definitely make you cry.

 

Made me cry.

And has definitely stayed with me.

Anyhow, have another long night at the office.

After last night's inspiration, I made a resolution (promise to myself)

that I will try, try, TRY not to work on weekends.  Anymore.

So, if my body allows it, I'll just work longer hours during the week,

and take the weekends off. 

To enjoy. 

The sun.

Write poems.  Take pictures.

Go for walks.  Swim.

Laugh with friends.

Have wine over breakfast.

Write.  My.  Book.

So, I will do that.  :)

On a completely different note, I want a traveling buddy.

All of my good friends are married, and thus, a little difficult to travel with.

(And my single friends ... well, I wouldn't travel with them.  Done that.)

I want a traveling-adventure-buddy ...

someone I can laugh with, be silly with,

have serious talks with, and be silent with.

Someone uber-awesome.

Some place uber-pretty.

Maybe Chicago.

Skyscrapers by the water.

Inspired already! :)

Photo source: ashappyaskings

young dreams die hard

 

          




















I finished the book!  And I'm a tad bit embarrassed to admit, but it made me cry.  Actually, it made me break down and cry.  Almost sobbing to the point that I had to stop for awhile (a few times) to wipe my tears, catch my breath, before I could continue.  Until the end. 

I haven't read a book that has made me feel that way.  Where I felt like I really knew the characters as I experienced their lives, apart and together, with them.  As if they were lifelong friends who I laughed and cried with.  As if I were them.  Because I felt the emotions that they felt.  Experienced their happiness, their disappointments, their pain, their loss, their love for each -- 20 years of these two characters' lives.  It was quite a journey ...

... that has inspired me to write.  Once again.  To continue writing.  Even if it's just here for now.  Until I find the time to write the stories I've been wanting to tell.  Honestly, sometimes, I think I may seem a little silly, y'know, keeping this blog ... but this blog keeps my passion for words, for photographs, for art, alive.  And David Nicholls, through his wonderfully crafted novel, has re-lit the fire inside my heart.  In a way, I felt like he read my journals and created Emma's character from them.  Y'know, her desire to be a writer.  Her young dreams of changing the world through words.

I can relate to that.

And her loyalty to love.  To loving Dex.

I could relate to that, too.     

I can't wait to watch the movie!

destiny.

I'm reading The Alchemist.  Again.  I wanted a reminder.  About following our dreams.  I love this passage in the book:

The boy didn't know what a person's "destiny" was.

"It's what you have always wanted to accomplish.  Everyone,

when they are young, knows what their destiny is.

"At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything

is possible.  They are not afraid to dream, and to yearn for 

everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives.

But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them

that it will be impossible for them to realize their destiny."

None of what the old man was saying made much sense to the boy.

But he wanted to know what the "mysterious force" was;

the merchant's daughter would be impressed when he told her

about that!

"It's a force that appears to be negative, but actually shows you

how to realize your destiny.  It prepares your spirit and your will,

because there is one great truth on this planet: whoever you are,

or whatever it is that you do, when you really want something,

it's because that desire originated in the soul of the universe.

It's your mission on earth."

"Even when all you want to do is travel?  Or marry

the daughter of a textile merchant?"

"Yes, or even search for treasure.  The Soul of the World

is nourished by people's unhappiness.  And also by

unhappiness, envy, and jealousy.  To realize one's

destiny is a person's only real obligation.  All things

are one.

"And, when you want something, all the universe

conspires in helping you to achieve it."

Isn't that great?  Love it!

photo via LeLove

    

we can still choose.

i finally read the perks of being a wallflower. 

and now, i get it. 

it's the kind of book i wish everyone i love would read.

maybe it's because it explains a lot.

without really trying to explain.

it conveys a beautiful lesson.

without trying so hard to teach the lesson.

but it's the kind of lesson i want to hold on to

for the remainder of 2010,

for the upcoming year,

and for always.

or sometimes we just need to be reminded.

about the charlies and sams of the world.

of our lives.

of who we are.

and that's what this book does.

"i guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons.  and maybe

we'll never know most of them.  but even if we don't have the power

to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we

go from there.  we can still do things.  and we can try to

feel okay about them."

(from perks of being a wallflower by stephen chbosky)

If you haven't read it, I hope you do.

                                  

*photo by Rachel

book club read: love the one you're with

Had a lovely morning.  Brunch with my book club girls (and our new male-perspective addition) at my favorite café.  We've been reading books by Emily Giffin, one of my favorite authors.  (Yes, lots of favorites!)  Our next book is Love the One You're With.  Although I had read all of Emily's books a first time, reading them for the second time for the book club seem to bring new insight on the characters (and their circumstances).  Well, the second time around, I also paid attention to the details that I quickly glanced over the first time because I just wanted so badly to know what was going to happen next.  Anyhow, I found that my second reading of Something Borrowed and Something Blue also brought new waves of thoughts and emotions.  I realized that reading certain (or all?) books at specific, poignant points in our lives can bring different perspectives and interpretations ... about the characters, their circumstances, the theme ...* 

Well, I'm excited to read this next book.  It's one of my favorites.  The first time I read it, I was heartbroken, confused, and was on my way to Madrid.  This time, no broken heart, no confusion, and I'm home (in the States).  :)  I wonder what my perspective will be this second time around.  (I'll let you know ...)         

And without spoiling the book, I love these quotes.  (Maybe my favorites ... from this book.)  (See, I love favorites!)  I pose these questions to my book club girls and guy. :)  (Something to ponder about ...)

"Sometimes there are no happy endings.  No matter what, I’ll be losing something, someone.  But maybe that’s what it all comes down to.  Love, not as a surge of passion, but as a choice to commit to something, someone, no matter what obstacles or temptations stand in the way.  And maybe making that choice, again and again, day in and day out, year after year, says more about love than never having a choice to make at all."

"After all, isn’t settling about having no options at all?  About taking something because it’s better than nothing?  I finally had a choice.  And I chose."

What do you think?

*Hmmm, in college, my favorite book was Anna Karenina.  Hmmm ... maybe I should read it again and see how I feel about it now.  :)

decisions.

"I've found that love can be a decision.  Forgiveness, too."

- from Belong to Me by Marisa de los Santos

*photo via

the truth.

"In certain situations, you can't worry about how people will react.

You just have to be as honest as you can and

let what happens afterward happen."

- Love Walked In by Marisa de los Santos

*photo by Cheyenne-Blue

never judge a book by its cover.

Isn't that how the saying goes?

During a trial, before a jury is presented with evidence, the jurors are given several instructions.  They are told to keep an open mind, and to not allow bias, sympathy prejudice or public opinion influence their decision.  They are told to decide the case only on the facts they are given.  They are not to do any research on their own.  And in a criminal trial, the jurors are told that they are not to be biased against the defendant just because he has been arrested, charged and brought to trial.  Defendants are presumed innocent until proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt.  (I won't even go through the definition of reasonable doubt!)

But as human beings, individuals, with life experiences, it's difficult to free ourselves of all bias, opinions or pre-conceived judgments.  Jurors don't enter a courtroom as empty shells the same way we don't enter a room, setting, situation or circumstance without our own sets of experiences, hang-ups, baggage, history or opinions.  It's common to attach stereotypes to labels and images.  Unfortunately. 

The danger, however, is when we don't bother - don't bother to listen, don't bother to learn.  The danger is when we immediately draw conclusions before we are even presented with all the evidence.  Because, oftentimes, we get something wrong.  That is why once a jury is impaneled and are presented a case, they are instructed before each break that they are not to form any opinions or decide the case until the prosecution and defense have both rested, meaning they have been presented with all the evidence, and until they are excused for deliberation.  Only then, can they discuss the case and form an opinion.  After both sides have had an opportunity to present their case.  It is the single instruction that is repeated over and over again.

Anyhow, I say this because, lately, I have become privy to some pre-conceived judgments about me.  Not all too bad.  Fortunately.  But not all too true either.  A lot of them were arrived at because I'm a lawyer.  I'm a woman.  In my mid-thirties.  Single.  And I'm a lawyer.  Do you get the idea?

The thing is, sometimes, when we judge before we know, we can lose out on what's real.  Lose the opportunity of getting to know someone.  And maybe even lose the chance of a friendship, a love ... or simply an amazing and memorable moment.

A long time ago I met someone who I had judged the very moment I laid eyes on him.  Judged him before he even said hello to me.  Judged him by his look.  His stand.  His mannerisms.  I had him all figured out.  And I thought, never.  Never would we be friends.  Never would he even look at me. 

Then, he said hello.  And for a first conversation, we spoke as if we were old friends who had not seen each other in a long time but were picking up where we had left off.  He proved me wrong.  In all respects.  And I gained a beautiful friendship.       
    
So, since then, I try, try very hard not to "judge a book by its cover."  And more often than not, I gain something wonderful.  Or at the very least, I learn something new.  So, take a look, or at least a peek, before you decide.  Whether this book is worth your time or not.     
 

* photo via

i love this!

"'And love is always complicated. But still humans must

try to love each other, darling. We must get our hearts

broken sometimes. This is a good sign, having a broken heart.

It means we have tried for something.'

"I said, 'My heart was broken so badly last time that it still hurts.

Isn't that crazy? To still have a broken heart almost two years

after a love story ends?'

"'Darling, I'm southern Brazilian. I can keep a broken heart going

for ten years over a woman I never even kissed.'"

(from of course - EAT PRAY LOVE by the lovely Elizabeth Gilbert)

Oh, I just love love it ~ a broken heart being a good sign!

... it is.

*photo by via

freedom.

*photo by Rosemarie via weheartit

I am so promoting Eat Pray Love! If you haven't already noticed the last couple of posts have been quotes from the book. Yes, I have picked it up (again) since the movie is coming out this weekend. And I so love the book!

I remember that it was highly recommended to me a couple of years ago. Actually, it was prescribed to me as a MUST read ... something about breakdowns in the bathroom in the middle of the night, epiphanies about being unhappy in the life (relationship) she thought she wanted, bitter divorce (break-up), meeting and falling in love with incredibly handsome man but still feeling empty. Thus, very painful decision to let go. To search. For God. For inner peace. Spiritual meaning. For self. My friend thought I could relate. Don't know why ... hmmm ... ;-) However, since she said it was a MUST-READ ... I picked it up.

But, to be completely honest, I didn't finish the book. Although I breezed through and enjoyed Italy (eat), and somewhat struggled, but loved loved India (pray), I couldn't make it to Indonesia (love). So, last night, I turned off the computer early, cleared my head of work, tucked myself comfortably in bed, and opened the book to Love.

As I found myself smiling, tickled, through the first few pages of Liz's journey in Bali, I realized that, perhaps, I wasn't quite ready for Love a couple of years ago when I first picked up the book, and thus, I closed it and put it away for later. For now. When I can finally understand. Love. (big smile)

But just to reflect a little, thought I'd share these instructions from Pray ... I repeated these over and over for awhile ... I think it worked. (bigger smile)

INSTRUCTIONS FOR FREEDOM

"1. Life's metaphors are God's instructions.

2. You have just climbed up and above the roof. There is nothing

between you and the Infinite. Now, let go.

3. The day is ending. It's time for something that was beautiful

to turn into something else that is beautiful. Now, let go.

4. Your wish for resolution was a prayer. Your being

here is God's response. Let go, and watch the stars

come out - on the outside and on the inside.

5. With all your heart, ask for grace, and let go.

6. With all your heart, forgive him, FORGIVE YOURSELF,

and let go.

7. Let your intention be freedom from useless suffering.

Then, let go.

8. Watch the heat of day pass into the cool night. Let go.

9. When the karma of a relationship is done,

only love remains. It's safe. Let go.

10. When the past has passed from you at last, let go.

Then climb down and begin the rest of your life.

With great joy."

(from Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert)