on my mind ...

so love this!

Two days ...

... until Christmas.

This year I'm celebrating love and togetherness because there's nothing like it, right?  It has been a whirlwind of a year.  But, Christmas always reminds me to sit back, breathe and be thankful for all that I have.  As my dad says, I don't have a lot of money but I have my children, my family, and that's my wealth and happiness.  

I didn't get everything I wanted this year.  Some plans and dreams failed, as well.  My heart was broken more times than I want to remember.  But, I have a lot of love in my life.  And in the end, the failed dreams, the broken hearts, the unfulfilled wishes, don't really matter as much.  Because I have love.  And that's what matters.

it's pretty awesome ...

via Better Than Fine

"Have you ever just looked at someone and thought, 'I really love you.'  They're just talking or humming or watching a movie or reading a book or laughing or something, and there's something about them in that moment - their body is alive, there's a light in their eyes, something - that makes you think, 'I just really love you.'  It's a weird sensation to think this, but it's pretty awesome that we can feel this way about another being."

via a dreamer's daze

Wednesday

i miss this darlin' cuddler.

the sams and charlies

I finally watched it!

And I loved it.

I still love the book more, but since Stephen Chbosky

wrote the screenplay, directed, and also produced the film,

he stuck with the story.

Watching the movie made me think a lot about high school.

About growing up and trying to find yourself.

Many times I still think I'm trying to find myself.

Then, I think that's okay.

We evolve.  We change.

And sometimes, it's hard to keep up with ourselves.

Then, there's the parts of us that remain the same.

And that's okay, too.

The Sam part of me is still there.

Will probably be the part of me that remains

even though at times, it gets lost in the Charlie part of me.

Which will probably remain, too.

And that's okay.

***

"I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won't tell them

that people are starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn't

change the fact that they were upset.  And even if somebody else has it much

worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have."

"It's just that I don't want to be somebody's crush.  If somebody likes me,

I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am.  And I don't

want them to carry it around inside.  I want them to show me, so I can feel it too."

"And I guess I realized at that moment that I really did love her.

Because there was nothing to gain, and that didn't matter."

"So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons.  And maybe we'll never

know most of them.  But even if we don't have the power to choose where

we come from, we can still choose where we go from there.  We can still do things.

And we can try to feel okay about them."

"It's great that you can listen and be a shoulder to someone, but what about

when someone doesn't need a shoulder?  What if they need the arms or

something like that?  You can't just sit there and put everybody's lives

ahead of yours and think that counts as love.  You just can't.  You have to do things."

(Quotes from Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky)

***

I don't know why but right now as I write this and thinking about the book/movie, something my brother said at our YA Bible Study came to mind.  He was talking about relationships with people in church but I think it applies to all relationships.  He said that the benefits of loving relationships outweigh the hurt.  Those afraid to love because they are afraid of getting hurt misses out on a lot.  I think that's true.  I also believe that in our attempts to protect ourselves from getting hurt or our good intentions in protecting someone from getting hurt, the consequence is still hurt.  In protecting ourselves, we end up hurting ourselves.  In protecting the other person, we end up hurting him/her.  The thing is, it hurts because we love.  If we didn't love, it wouldn't hurt.  

count my blessings

Friends and family have been calling and texting me the last two days to tell me that it was good I got out of New York just in time.  They've been telling me I'm lucky and to count my blessings.  

So, for my readers who were wondering, I am okay.  I'm no where near the storm.  But I still feel the same sadness I felt the day I left.

I pray for everyone who has been affected.

I feel weird calling myself lucky, but I am thankful.  And more than ever, I am reminded why I went to New York.  I am reminded why I want to go back.

brooklyn love.

It's amazing how quickly I fell in love with this place.  Each time I walk the streets, it feels like coming home.  Feels like I'm home.

Brooklyn.

After much anticipation, I'm finally here.  And it's everything and nothing I imagined it would be.

At first, as I walked to the apartment I'd be calling home for a little, I had this longing for familiar things.  Parking my car in the garage.  Being greeted by my red couch.  My neighbor's screaming kids.  I started to doubt what I was doing.  What I had intended to do.  And I started wishing that my stopover in DC wasn't so brief.  I started to miss my godfather's Italian history lessons (which I have to share one day), and my godmother's cooking.  It's amazing how we could be attached to something (someones) in such a brief time.

But, after spending an entire day in Manhattan, I came back to the apartment, sat on the couch, with a mug of hot chocolate in hand, and I felt it.  That feeling of certainty.  That I did the right thing.  By coming here.  To write.  Although honestly, I haven't done that much writing.  But, I've memorized the stops on the F train to downtown Brooklyn, and have gotten lost several dozen times in the city.  I've strolled through Central Park, Bryant Park, Washington Square Park, Prospect Park.  I've walked over the Brooklyn Bridge, and sat and pondered across City Hall.  

And last night I met up with a new friend for dinner.  Shared with her my adventures since arriving here, my plans and ideas, and she said, you're no longer a tourist.  New York suits you.   

As we walked around Greenwich Village, I stopped missing L.A.  And afterwards, on the subway back to Brooklyn, I thought, why didn't I do this before?  Then, I remembered why.  And I realized, as much as I beat myself up for it, I wasn't ready before.  And so, I couldn't do it.

But now I am.            

Come check out the neighborhood with me:

St. Agnes Church up the street from the apartment.

View from Union Street Bridge.

morning run

"He didn't run from something or to something, 

not for anyone or in spite of anyone;

he ran because it was what his body wished to do.  

The restiveness, the self-consciousness,

the need to oppose disappeared.  All he felt was peace."

Laura Hillenbrand, Unbroken

photo via

breakfast in paris.

okay, I didn't actually fly off to Paris for breakfast,

but I can pretend I'm in Paris in this cute and charming café.

as for my breakfast, it was delish!

crepe parisenne - Nutella, bananas and strawberries.  Sweet start to my morning. :)

The lady who worked there thought I was a tourist - on vacation. 

Who sits down for an early breakfast, with a book (and camera) 

in the middle of the week, right?

It was lovely.

Happy Wednesday, everyone!

Vacation is over.  Now, back to work.

photos of Nésmon Café (on Ventura Blvd., between Dixie Cyn. and Fulton)

still here.

I haven't disappeared.  I've just been a little distracted, savoring in happyland.  The other day, I thought, what's the difference?  Because there hasn't been any major, life-altering changes. ...

Then, I remembered, I'm here.  Immersed in the present.  In the beauty that surrounds me.  And in the faith that tomorrow will take care of itself.  So, the weight of worry has been lifted.  And there's just the combined sense of relief, awe and excitement for the unknown that follows. 

"Two" - taken during one of my neighborhood walks.  (Someone thought I was a bird watcher.  Lol.)

"Rays" - during a September afternoon walk.

"Van Gogh sky" - I'm a big Van Gogh fan, and when I saw this, I felt like I was in a Van Gogh painting.

I can't wait for the official fall season ... just a few more days!  I know it is still super-hot, but the evenings have been a little cooler, and the days have been getting shorter.  But the best part of fall this year is that I'll be in one of my favorite cities!  Can't wait!!!

 

it's possible.

 a gem in the neighborhood.

It's possible, you know. 

To wake up one day and realize that you're living your dream. 

That there's nothing you'd take back or do over

because you're happy with where you're at.

And you know that you got there (here)

because of the path you took,

because of the things and people

that touched you along the way.

movie under the stars

There's something romantic about watching a movie under the stars.  The misty night air and cool breeze just fills me with blissful giddiness.  Now, add palm trees as a backdrop, tombstones all around, and Scarface ... my heart's been won. 


Hollywood Forever Cemetery

the crowd settling in.

the moon couldn't be more perfect.

It was the perfect Sunday evening.  :)

Perfect end to a great summer.

Perfect beginning to fall (my favorite season).

Looking forward to new adventures.

sky snaps

If you know me, you know I love the sky.  My friends think I have this unnatural obsession with it.  Pretty much, they think I'm weird because I'm always taking pictures of the sky.  But, when I went to the Annenberg House a couple of weeks ago, I saw this exhibit:

So, it looks like I'm not the only one obsessed with the sky. 

Anyhow, today was a good sky day.  Actually, a very beautiful sky day. 

Enough to make this day even more awesome.  :) 

Hope you had a wonderful Wednesday!  And hope you got to see the amazing sky, and that it put a big smile on your face. 

By the way, do you see the fox running?

because it still applies

I wrote this post exactly two years ago, and I thought I'd share it again.  I'm happy to say, I still feel the same way.

dear old self

I started this blog two years ago today because I was nostalgic for you. And because I thought that I was losing that hopeful and somewhat idealistic part that was you. I was afraid that somehow I had become jaded, tired and indifferent about the practice of law. And even worst, I thought that indifference was streaming over to all parts of my life because you see, the practice of law has been everything and nothing that we thought it to be.

So, in desperation, I went to find you. I wanted to find that girl who was sure she was going to be a lawyer, but also knew with all of her heart, that she didn't want to be just a lawyer.

Two years later, here we are. You in your old world. Where I found you. Where you belong. And me ... happy to visit with you time and time again, but finally just as happy to return to my place. Right. Here. Where I belong.

And what I want to tell you on this day is thank you ... Thank you for being afraid but willing. For being uncertain but hopeful. For being insecure but idealistic.

I especially thank you for today. This moment - right here - where I'm happy to be. You see, I wouldn't be here without you. Because life, right here, has been everything and nothing that we thought or planned it to be. Yet, still, I know it's where I belong. And that's because of you.

So, again, thank you.

a beautiful day.

it was my kind of day.

simple.

no birthday frills.

but lots of love.

and what better way to end the day

than to get a book by my other favorite author in the mail:

it's been a very inspiring and hopeful day.

what more can i ask for?

hope you all had a wonderful monday, as well. :)

thursday's tune.

This should be this blog's theme song.  Whatcha think? 

On a side note, I'm not liking this gloomy July (summer) weather.  I mean, it's not like I can go and spend time out in the sun and just lay out at the beach.  But, it's summer ... and it's nice to feel the sun on my face while I'm typing away in front of the computer.

in need of rest.

I hate to admit this because the proud and stubborn part of me wants to believe that I'm superwoman.  But I'm not.  What I am is tired.  Actually, I think there's another word for it - fatigued.  I'm fatigued. 

I feel weak.  I don't even have the energy to make my morning smoothie.  Sometimes, I feel too exhausted to think.  To breathe.  I don't even want to write.  Writing this is just my attempt to get this off my chest, and to put it in writing: I'm taking a break.  Well, I'm slowly taking a break because, unfortunately, I'm not in any position to just take off (deadlines, deadlines, deadlines) - but, I promised to slow down.  Because, lately, it's been exhausting to even walk up my staircase.  The thought of working out or running makes me want to collapse.  So, I'm going to slow down, and then, take off.  Sleep on a hammock by the lake.  Sleep on a sandy beach.  Sleep on a rooftop garden.  I just want to sleep until I regain my strength. 

I shall go to bed now.

But geez, "Gaslight" just came on.  And I've been wanting to watch this old Ingrid Bergman classic.

But, I should really go to sleep.

Good night.

Sunday wish list: 

via

I've always wanted to live in house that had a porch that went around it.  I want to sit on that bench,
with a blanket over my knees, and a book in my hands. 

via

Now, there's my hammock.  Waiting for me.  Calling me.

Okay, I'm going to bed.  And dream of my hammock.  The "Gaslight" can wait for another day.  I guess, that's what DVDs are for.  :)

Fear

... can be debilitating.

... can be the number one factor that holds us back.

But, I've come to realize,

that in the past, I gave fear

too much power.

Too much strength.

Too much control.

And thus, now, this morning,

when it started to creep in,

again,

I decided to meet with it.

Greet fear at the door,

rather than have it come barging in.

Then, I told it to leave.

And, when it refused to,

I walked through it.

And I dared it to follow me.

Outside.

patience.

Lake Como, Italy
May 2008

Four years ago, I sat at this spot for hours - searching for peace, and praying for strength and patience.

Four years later, my prayers were answered.   

I want to beg you, as much as I can, to be patient toward all that is unresolved in your heart, and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign language.

Do not seek the answers, which cannot be given to you because you would not be able to live them.

And the point is to live everything.  Live the questions now.  Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.

- Rainer Maria Rilke

***

Love is patient

1 Corinthians 13:4

***

Therefore be patient, brethren, until the coming of the Lord.

The farmer waits for the precious produce of the soil, being

patient about it, until it gets the early and late rains.  You too be

patient; strengthen your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is near.

Do not complain, brethren, against one another, so that you

yourselves may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing right at the door.

As an example, brethren, of suffering and patience, take the prophets who

spoke in the name of the Lord.  We count those blessed who endured.

You have heard of the endurance of Job and have seen the outcome

of the Lord's dealings, that the Lord is full of compassion and is merciful.

James 5:7-11

***

It is the lack of patience that makes us hurry things in life,

why we can't stand still.  We tend to look for results rather than the process.

- My brother