Fear

... can be debilitating.

... can be the number one factor that holds us back.

But, I've come to realize,

that in the past, I gave fear

too much power.

Too much strength.

Too much control.

And thus, now, this morning,

when it started to creep in,

again,

I decided to meet with it.

Greet fear at the door,

rather than have it come barging in.

Then, I told it to leave.

And, when it refused to,

I walked through it.

And I dared it to follow me.

Outside.

despite the fear.

I've been questioning a lot lately.  This path I have taken with my career.  Whether I should continue on or take a turn on a completely different direction. 

Then, in the midst of all the questions spinning around in my head, I heard my heart speak: Follow your instinct.  Stay.  Follow through.  Be brave.  Don't be afraid to be different.  

  

I found this quote I wrote down awhile back: "And one has to understand that braveness is not the absence of fear but rather the strength to keep on going forward despite the fear."  (- Paulo Coelho)

I think I got my answer. 

photo: Fadzly Mubin

be brave, my friend.

"'Because,' she said, 'when you're scared

but you still do it anyway, that's brave.'"

(Neil Gaiman)

I never thought of myself as brave.  Even after I walked out of a bad relationship that lasted six years too long.  But now, looking back, I realize, it was brave.  Because I was scared.  But I did it anyway.

I remember sitting on the stairwell of our apartment building, crying, and repeating over and over again in my head, "It's now or never."  Probably after the five hundredth time, it was finally embedded in my head, and I walked into our apartment, and ended it.  I decided, I wasn't going to allow him to hurt me anymore. 

Of course, the break wasn't smooth.  In hindsight, it seemed like it was worst because the words "it's over" was supposed to end any bad treatment from him, but it didn't.  And I didn't stop him.  Because the way he loved me was the only way I thought love was supposed to be.  And since I hurt him, I thought he had every right to hurt me even more.  

I know better.  Now. 

But I was scared then.  I was so scared on that stairwell.  And I was scared for days, weeks, and months after that.  Because every day without him was unfamiliar.  You see, no matter how unhappy he made me, it was familiar.  It felt safe. 

Yet, I trudged on this unfamiliar path, no matter how scared I was.  Tried my best to navigate my way.  Tried to create a new life.  Tried to find what I had lost or perhaps, what I never had but wanted.  

Walking away from a life that you worked so hard to build, even though it was a life that made you feel badly on most days, everyday, is very difficult.  And extremely scary.  But there's courage inside of you, and the first step in finding it is by doing what scares you the most: walking away.

You see, no one has the right to make another person feel badly.  Loving someone does not give them the right to hurt you.  I've learned that since.  And it breaks my heart every time I see someone stay in a relationship that just hurts them.  Relationships are hard, I know.  Not perfect because no two people are.  But when someone purposely, intentionally, hurts another.  That's just not right.  I hope you know that.  Because you deserve kindness, respect, and most of all, love.

So, please, be brave.     

photo: rosie hardy

recognizing the good.

"when each day is the same as the next, it's because people

fail to recognize the good things that happen in their lives

every day that the sun rises."

(The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho)

Like I mentioned before, I'm reading The Alchemist.  Again.  It's just one of those books that transports me back to a time when I was braver, when I had no fears.  No reservations.  No doubts.  When I was a child.  Who just dared to dream. 

Needless to say, it's a book that inspires me.  Reminds me to follow my dreams.  And reminds me that although bad things happen, there are many good things happening, as well.  Sometimes, we just allow the bad overshadow the good.  But really, there are more good.  The fact that we're breathing, we're alive, is one.  Probably, the most important one.

So, today (and everyday), I told myself, I will make an effort to recognize the good.  Because really, life is good.  :)         

photo: pixelmama

lessons we learn

Told a friend this today. 

I also told her that, in time, she'll find that the "right" part of this statement prevails. 

So, don't be afraid to do what is hard. 

photo via

what are you afraid of?

"Always do what you are afraid to do." 

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I came across that quote yesterday, and I just had to add it to my growing collection of quotes.  Quotes inspire me.  I've been collecting quotes since I was a little girl.  I was one of those students who always began or ended her essays with a quote.  I know, it can be a little cheesy, but still, I love them.  (Again, may be one of many reasons why I love Criminal Minds ... the show always begins and ends with a quote.)

Anyhow, the quote above made me think and ponder about a lot of things because I know that many times it is fear that holds me back.  Holds me back from taking action sooner than I should have.  I also know that I'm not alone in that.  Fear holds a lot of people back.  Maybe all of us in some way. 

So, what do we do about it?  Well, I always ask myself, what can I live with?  The answer to that question usually begins the end of my long and difficult contemplation period.  And I have found that in the end, fear oftentimes became my ultimate decision-maker.  One way or the other.  And I have also found that most of the time it was the greater of two fears that won my course of action.  

Funny how life works out that way.  And how great is this thing called perspective.  Because oftentimes, later on down the road, no matter how much I sometimes regretted choosing the greater fear over the other, I have always found that the path I was so afraid to take has led me to very wonderful things.   

So, how about you?  What fear will you take on today?

*photo via