The other day I had this aching need to walk. Around Brooklyn. Wander and get lost amidst the brownstones, shops and trees. Since I got back, walks around my neighborhood have not been the same. I missed Brooklyn. And this thought came over me: it's amazing how love can happen so instantaneously. One day, you're just walking and living life as you always knew it, and the next, you run into something (or someone) you didn't know, but always somehow believed that the moment you met, you'd fall in love.
I just want to come clean and state for the record that I'm not a Twilight fan. I don't understand what all the hype was about. The movie, the story, the characters (actors) just didn't do it for me. But, Vampire Diaries ... that's a different story. My obsession started last June (three seasons late) after spending an exhausting afternoon with my niece, her new baby and my nephew. I came home completely wiped out. Beyond exhausted. And all I wanted to do was sprawl down on my couch and watch TV. Since my sister-in-law had been gushing about Vampire Diaries, thought I'd check it out. I signed up for Netflix, and waaaapooooosh, I was up until midnight watching the show. Yes, I've caught up and have watched all three seasons in a matter of months. (Actually, I watched it in a matter of weeks ... but shhhhh, I don't want anyone thinking I'm that obsessive and that I don't have much of a life. Besides, season 3 just came out ... again, what does that say about me?)
It got me wondering though about what it is about these shows that intrigue us (or people like me - whatever that means or may be). Is it the pretty hot characters who play brothers on the show? Hmmm, I was so pulled into the story that it got me thinking who I would pick if two brothers were in love with me? The good boy or the bad boy? I swear, I do have a life, but sometimes, it's just so interesting living in some make-believe world where vampire brothers are in love with the same girl. Right?
Then, I realized it's the stories and the characters - that's what pulls me into the show. And I thought, that's because of good writing - storytelling - and great actors. If the writers and actors can pull the audience into their make-believe world and make it seem real, then they've done their job. Exceptionally well.
As you know, I've been working on my book, and have actually shared pieces of it to other students and a few friends. A couple of people gave me this comment that I've taken to heart: make us fall in love with him. Him, meaning the guy my main character is in love with. So, during my writing nights, I'd sit in my balcony, with laptop in front of me and earphones in my ears listening to the soundtrack I created for my character's story. And I'd write. About him. The crazy thing is that the more I write about this fictional character, I find that I'm falling in love with him, too. I told my friend that the weird thing is that this character is like no one I know. He was inspired by someone I was once in love with, but the more I write about him (the fictional character), I find that he's nothing like the person he was inspired by. The good thing about this writing process though is that it gave me closure on past loves and broken hearts. How's that, you may wonder? Well, I realized what it is I want and am looking for in a life partner, and who is right for me. My past loves just weren't it.
Okay, I digressed again. But anyhow, I can't wait for season 4 to start! And you know, this time, I'm rooting for the good guy. Not that the "bad boy" is that bad. He's the bad boy with a good-in-him kind. Again, we're talking vampires here. And well, he's hot with mesmerizing eyes, but the good guy (who I should mention can turn crazy evil, too - remember, vampire) is good. He loves her. Well, they both do. But, he really loves her. And I may digress again here, but I just remembered this question my cousin asked me (based on a song) - who would you choose? The one you love or the one who loves you?
Honestly, I didn't understand that question before. When it was asked. But, now I do. Before Vampire Diaries, I should add. I'm not that out of touch with the real world.
There's something romantic about watching a movie under the stars. The misty night air and cool breeze just fills me with blissful giddiness. Now, add palm trees as a backdrop, tombstones all around, and Scarface ... my heart's been won.
Sometimes, my head literally hurts and my brain refuses to work. I'm in the middle of writing a brief, and bam! I'm hit with the worst case of writer's block. I literally feel as if my head hit a wall, and I can't get through it. I can't get to the other side, where words and sentences form together agreeably and in perfect rhythm.
So, I must stop. Let Bocelli work its magic into my mind. Soothe all that hurts.
But, even though this head of mine is pounding, I have something to smile about:
I love jewelry. And what people call "fashion jewelry." Especially rings. Especially vintage. I love these two rings. Looking at them on my fingers is already making my headache subside. :)
Hope you're having a fabulous, headache-free Tuesday!
I wrote this post exactly two years ago, and I thought I'd share it again. I'm happy to say, I still feel the same way.
dear old self
I started this blog two years ago today because I was nostalgic for you. And because I thought that I was losing that hopeful and somewhat idealistic part that was you. I was afraid that somehow I had become jaded, tired and indifferent about the practice of law. And even worst, I thought that indifference was streaming over to all parts of my life because you see, the practice of law has been everything and nothing that we thought it to be.
So, in desperation, I went to find you. I wanted to find that girl who was sure she was going to be a lawyer, but also knew with all of her heart, that she didn't want to be just a lawyer.
Two years later, here we are. You in your old world. Where I found you. Where you belong. And me ... happy to visit with you time and time again, but finally just as happy to return to my place. Right. Here. Where I belong.
And what I want to tell you on this day is thank you ... Thank you for being afraid but willing. For being uncertain but hopeful. For being insecure but idealistic.
I especially thank you for today. This moment - right here - where I'm happy to be. You see, I wouldn't be here without you. Because life, right here, has been everything and nothing that we thought or planned it to be. Yet, still, I know it's where I belong. And that's because of you.
Having your favorite author's new book delivered to your doorstep on the day it is released:
There is something especially exciting and joyous about opening a package or envelope that is delivered by the good ol' mail man/woman. Or UPS/FedEx. Love it!
Now, I can't wait to finish this brief so I can start reading ... :)
I know it's my birth month, but like I've said before, it had always been a month of mishaps or losses or tragedies for me ... and I guess, this time, it's back to its old tricks again.
I started the month with an accidental, and very painful, burn on my wrist. I've been wearing a bandage for two weeks now, struggling while I typed, and well, it'll leave not-very-attractive scars. But, at least it's only on my wrist, I say, every time someone gives me that "oh, poor thing it'll scar very badly" look. It could've been worst. The oil could've splattered to my face, leaving a big blister on my face instead of my wrist. So, I could live with a blister (and a big scar) on my wrist. The bandage is not very sexy, but my nephew thinks it's cool. :)
Then, the other night, while I was working late trying to finish an outline, smoke started to come out of the power cord to my computer. As I pulled the adapter out of the computer (in hopes of saving my work), it started to sparkle and a small flame burned the cord. Now, I'm without a computer at home, which I guess, gives me a very good excuse not to be working late at night.
Yesterday, I grabbed the wrong set of keys and locked myself out of my place. I'm lucky to have a very nice neighbor, who helped me get back in. :)
It's been a weird month so far. And the weather has been weird, too. But last night, the sky was beautiful. And that was enough to bring a smile to my face.
Sometimes, a break after a break is needed. The last couple of days have been wonderful, but they have also been filled with non-stop activities, which left me feeling super-exhausted this morning. I just wanted to stay in bed for at least a little while longer (maybe a day longer).
And now, after hours of filling my brain with research after research of drug abuse and mental health issues (and not necessarily the correlation between the two), the thought of returning to bed seems especially enticing once again. Or I wouldn't mind just sitting by the window above, and soaking in the view of the city.
My friend told me about this show, and after watching all three past episodes on Sunday, I'm hooked! (You can check out the past episodes on the site here.) It's not your typical interview-type show. Amanda de Cadenet really engages with each person she talks to, and they have a "conversation" rather than a Q&A-type of interview.
But, Amanda does end each conversation with the same two questions, which I found rather interesting: (1) What is your favorite sexual position?, and (2) What would you tell your 14-year-old self? I won't answer the former, but the latter got my friend and I thinking.
At first, I thought I wouldn't tell her anything because just like Lady Gaga said in her response to the question, I wouldn't be who I am if I didn't go through everything I went through. So, I wouldn't want to change anything. But, I thought about it again, and again, and again. And well, y'know, if I had a chance to make myself a better and happier 14-year-old, I would. So, here's what I would tell her:
* Don't be so mean to Ms. Fowler.
(You will want to thank her one day.)
* Don't overeat, and don't starve yourself.
* Join the Drama Department, and try out for that play.
* Keep taking piano lessons.
* Don't quit ballet. Dance dance dance.
* Don't go out with boys who steal cars.
* There is nothing wrong with getting good grades.
* You are creative. Embrace it. Practice Practice Practice.
* There is nothing wrong with being different
from your best friends and their new crowds.
* Do your best always. Don't be afraid to succeed.
* It's okay to cry over that boy you've loved since the fifth grade.
Don't think you don't know what love is just because adults tell you you're too young. You will love him for the rest of your life.
You have to figure out what you don't want to find what it is you do want.
It takes a couple of tries to figure out what works and what doesn't.
You change your mind. It happens.
Feelings change. It happens.
You have to take a hard look at yourself, where you went wrong, and then, fix it. Because the only thing you have control over is you. The only thing I have control over is me.
You have to check your motives, and if it's selfless and filled with kindness, then trust yourself. You don't need to convince anyone else.
It feels like everything is falling apart, but you'll be okay.
What once broke your heart to pieces you'll one day be able to talk about and smile.
We need the rain sometimes. I've noticed that the harder it rains, the bigger the storm, the clearer and brighter the sky looks afterwards. The light shines through the clouds. The trees are greener. The bricks are redder. The most beautiful days are the ones after the storm.
I feel different, I told my friend. But the same. Renewed. Released.
It's been a very busy week. I've been juggling multiple cases, and working on one pleading after another. My brain has been spinning and turning. I love it! Especially because I finally realized, I can be creative in law. Law is about being creative. Why the heck had I been fighting it?
So, the last few days, since my late revelation, I've been happily sitting in front of the computer, with my hair up in a messy bun, glasses pressing down my nose, and Moroccan Mint Tea latte by my side. Stacks of treatises and manila folders have formed a circle around me. It's wonderful. I feel found. At home.
I haven't done this in awhile. But I still have a headache. The kind that throbs in the back of my head when I close my eyes because I could feel it burning under my eyelids. So, why not think of the things that make me smile? I need it. Hope it makes you smile, too.
Titanic is coming back! 3D! I love this movie ... as cheesy, girly, and corny as that may sound. But, there was just something magical about it. I do believe that there are some people we meet who just changes our lives, even if they are in it only for a short while. But their presence in our lives stays with us. Our lives are never the same because they had touched it.
I love Tyler Knott's photographs and poems. He's amazing.
But I especially love this one. Something about it touches me much deeper.
Makes me smile even when it's sad.
And what really puts a smile on my face lately, my nature walks, the gems I've discovered in my own backyard, and beautiful skies. (p.s. having fun with the camera ... BIG SMILES!)
