Two days ...

... until Christmas.

This year I'm celebrating love and togetherness because there's nothing like it, right?  It has been a whirlwind of a year.  But, Christmas always reminds me to sit back, breathe and be thankful for all that I have.  As my dad says, I don't have a lot of money but I have my children, my family, and that's my wealth and happiness.  

I didn't get everything I wanted this year.  Some plans and dreams failed, as well.  My heart was broken more times than I want to remember.  But, I have a lot of love in my life.  And in the end, the failed dreams, the broken hearts, the unfulfilled wishes, don't really matter as much.  Because I have love.  And that's what matters.

my space

The guy who cleaned my carpet said that my place speaks volumes about the person who lives in it, i.e. me: lover of books, photographs, travel and the color red.

I never really gave it much thought about what my place says about me, but this stranger seemed to get it right.

The truth is it took me awhile to settle in here.  It took awhile before I painted the walls and hung pictures and even added furniture.  But, I think that's because when I moved in here, I didn't really know me.  I came from a long relationship, where I had lost myself, to here.  So, when I first moved into this place (my first place on my own), I didn't know what kind of art I liked or whether I preferred dark wood to cherry wood to oak wood. I couldn't even figure out what to have for dinner much more figure out what kind of bed sheets should go on my bed.  I know it sounds pathetic, but those were sad and unfortunate times.  That part of history I'd prefer to forget but was necessary in the growing process.

And well, over time, I started finding pieces of me.  As I did, furniture began to fill the space, and the walls began to blossom with color and art, creating a collage of my journey.  I guess what the carpet cleaner guy saw was finally a complete space, a finally complete me.  

my vision board/zen area.

i love black and whites with a splash of yellow.

my summer writing nights.

calm.

Does your place say something about you?  If so, what does it say?

life in pictures: winter 2012

January

February

Lake Hollywood

March

sometimes, all it takes is putting one foot in front of the other ...

and before you know, you'll be right where you belong.

breakfast in paris.

okay, I didn't actually fly off to Paris for breakfast,

but I can pretend I'm in Paris in this cute and charming café.

as for my breakfast, it was delish!

crepe parisenne - Nutella, bananas and strawberries.  Sweet start to my morning. :)

The lady who worked there thought I was a tourist - on vacation. 

Who sits down for an early breakfast, with a book (and camera) 

in the middle of the week, right?

It was lovely.

Happy Wednesday, everyone!

Vacation is over.  Now, back to work.

photos of Nésmon Café (on Ventura Blvd., between Dixie Cyn. and Fulton)

movie under the stars

There's something romantic about watching a movie under the stars.  The misty night air and cool breeze just fills me with blissful giddiness.  Now, add palm trees as a backdrop, tombstones all around, and Scarface ... my heart's been won. 


Hollywood Forever Cemetery

the crowd settling in.

the moon couldn't be more perfect.

It was the perfect Sunday evening.  :)

Perfect end to a great summer.

Perfect beginning to fall (my favorite season).

Looking forward to new adventures.

a beautiful day.

it was my kind of day.

simple.

no birthday frills.

but lots of love.

and what better way to end the day

than to get a book by my other favorite author in the mail:

it's been a very inspiring and hopeful day.

what more can i ask for?

hope you all had a wonderful monday, as well. :)

back to its old tricks again

I know it's my birth month, but like I've said before, it had always been a month of mishaps or losses or tragedies for me ... and I guess, this time, it's back to its old tricks again. 

I started the month with an accidental, and very painful, burn on my wrist.  I've been wearing a bandage for two weeks now, struggling while I typed, and well, it'll leave not-very-attractive scars.  But, at least it's only on my wrist, I say, every time someone gives me that "oh, poor thing it'll scar very badly" look.  It could've been worst.  The oil could've splattered to my face, leaving a big blister on my face instead of my wrist.  So, I could live with a blister (and a big scar) on my wrist.  The bandage is not very sexy, but my nephew thinks it's cool.  :)

Then, the other night, while I was working late trying to finish an outline, smoke started to come out of the power cord to my computer.  As I pulled the adapter out of the computer (in hopes of saving my work), it started to sparkle and a small flame burned the cord.  Now, I'm without a computer at home, which I guess, gives me a very good excuse not to be working late at night. 

Yesterday, I grabbed the wrong set of keys and locked myself out of my place.  I'm lucky to have a very nice neighbor, who helped me get back in.  :)

It's been a weird month so far.  And the weather has been weird, too.  But last night, the sky was beautiful.  And that was enough to bring a smile to my face.

forty-five minutes later:

Happy Thursday!!! :)

wish list + things that made me smile

I had a rough week.  But, in some ways, it was good.  Forced me to stop, listen, and think.  Re-evaluate things.  And I learned a lot about myself.  My ability to bounce back.  My ability to smile despite the things I've been through and the things I've seen.  My ability to hold on to hope.  And faith.  No matter what.

And because of everything I've been through, I'm a firm believer that every new day is an opportunity to change our lives.  Sometimes, it just takes awhile.  But every step we take is one step closer to where we want to be.  And even if where we want to be changes, that's okay.  Life is about change.  Every day is a different day. 

Anyhow, thought I'd start this new series on my blog called the "wish list."  Every Sunday, I'd post something new.  For inspiration.  I need visual inspiration.  So, here's my first set of the wish list:

wish list: 

the outfit

via prepfection

the ring

via ijeOma

travels

via pretty rosetta

vacation home

via nantucketyouth

+ the things that made me smile:

Background: I have young parents.  Well, they got married young.  Had kids young.  Got divorced young.  So, it was hard.  I feel as if we all had to grow up together.  For a long time, I felt as if I didn't have parents.  At least, the parents I imagined parents to be.  But this week, my parents became mom and dad: the two people I could count on to be there for me and to love me no matter what. 

My dad sent me this text last night: I don't want you to move away from me because that would break my heart. 

And today, my mom whispered to me: Don't worry.  It'll be okay. 

Those were enough to make me smile.  Those were enough to re-assure me that things will be okay.

springtime inspiration.

Springtime.

Always feels like a re-awakening for me.

I feel different, I told my friend.  But the same.  Renewed.  Released. 

It's been a very busy week.  I've been juggling multiple cases, and working on one pleading after another.  My brain has been spinning and turning.  I love it!  Especially because I finally realized, I can be creative in law.  Law is about being creative.  Why the heck had I been fighting it?     

So, the last few days, since my late revelation, I've been happily sitting in front of the computer, with my hair up in a messy bun, glasses pressing down my nose, and Moroccan Mint Tea latte by my side.  Stacks of treatises and manila folders have formed a circle around me.  It's wonderful.  I feel found.  At home.  

    

this week in rewind + things to be grateful for

Time seems to pass much faster the older we get.  Doesn't it?  February came and went.  Just like that. 

But, this week, I thought, rather than thinking, "geez, it's already March," probably the way to look at it is, wow, it's only March!  Because truth is, a lot has happened since the start of the year.  A lot has happened since the first of February.  Life is ever-moving.  Each new day brings in new possibilities.  New discoveries.  New beginnings.  And endings.  I am in love with life.  And I fall deeper and deeper in love with it everyday. 

At the start of this year, I told myself, that despite the heavy weight on my heart, I will begin and end every day with thank you.  But, of course, there are days when I don't feel very grateful.  I had a lot of those days (moments) this week.  Especially the latter part of the week.  But, I willed myself to sit still, even for just a few minutes, and take a hard look at life, my life, and I realized there is much to be grateful for every day.  Even on my bad days.  During Wednesday's prayer meeting, one of the boys said he was grateful for just being there.  His friend passed away on Monday.  He just didn't wake up.  They were playing football Sunday afternoon, he experienced chest pains Sunday night, and his parents were going to take him to the doctor on Monday.  But he didn't wake up.  He was eighteen years old.  

So, I'm grateful for this morning.  The ability to write this post.   

And, I'm grateful for ...

... this song.  Mat Kearney has been a comforting companion this week.

... the realization that although friendships change (painfully), as well, and someone who was once your best friend can turn into a fleeting presence in your life, there is someone else who gladly takes her place, and becomes the person whose words make everything better. 

... Annie Hall.  Someone once told me that he was surprised I had never seen this movie because it's definitely a movie I'd love.  I watched it for the first time on Friday night.  He was right.  It's my recent addition to my list of favorite movies.

... beautiful weather, beautiful views and long walks.

Los Feliz - Griffith Park Loop

Distance: 3.8 miles

Steps: 463

Happy Sunday, everyone!  Enjoy your day.  

 

finding creativity

As one of my many new year's resolutions this year, I started taking writing classes again.  And after one of our ten-minute writing exercises, inspired by words and phrases around us, I came up with this:

It was a chain reaction
our heated and passionate
talks in the hallway
turned into sinfully good
times in our own created
enchanting island.

We were native souls,
flirty without a hint of care
but inspired at every turn
from the leather bound books
that embraced us to my
dangling braids the color of honey.

Sadie said I was dragging her old habit,
but the apple of my cheeks
still craved for your lips.

And oh, wasn't it a universal appeal?

She said stop fretting over that summer.
But what is less understood is that I didn't.
I just missed the chocolate deliveries
and honey-glazed turkey we shared.

After this writing exercise, I was tickled.  It was the closest thing to a poem that I've written in a VERY LONG TIME.  And probably not my best work.  We had ten minutes to flip through magazines and books for phrases that jumped at us.  And another ten minutes to put it all in one piece.  But still, I wrote a poem.  It was a breakthrough. 

Because you see, I have always believed that in able to write a poem, you have to be courageous enough to delve into your soul, tear your heart apart and pull it outside of you.  Let the world touch it and influence it.  Let the world break it, dissect it, and put it back to pieces.  You have to allow yourself to be vulnerable.   

After that class, I felt alive again.  Me again. 

And yesterday, I took these pictures during my hike.  I wanted to capture the remains of raindrops on a flower.  Not bad, I say.  :)

falling in love

Yesterday, I stepped out of the house early in the morning,

and was immediately greeted by the smell of fall. 

Followed by the embrace of its cool and crisp easy breeze.

I had missed you, I thought.  But now, you're here.

Gone for awhile, but never forgotten.

Because I knew you'd be back.

The same.  But different.

I closed my eyes.  For a brief moment.

And just took it all in.  The familiar smell.

The familiar and safe embrace. 

And I was overcome with feelings of

joy and excitement and hope.  Hope for all this season brings.

And that's when I felt my heart just smile.  I couldn't stop smiling.

And I knew, in my core, I was falling in love once again.

In love with everything around me.

The neighborhood I've gotten to know so well, yet,

everyday I notice something new - a swing in a neighbor's front lawn;

a toy on the porch; a new face walking by with the most adorable black pug.

In love with my family who greets me with the biggest smiles as if they

had just not seen me the week before.

In love with my friends, who in their own, unique ways, show

me they love me and just want to see me happy.

In love with this life I've been blessed with ~

though not one without disappointments, heartbreak and loss ~

it is beautiful.  Because in the midst of all those things I've still

found love.  And I'm grateful that my eyes and heart had been

opened to allow me to see that.  This life full of love.

And I'm grateful that I can fall in love everyday.

Right now, I'm in love with this life I have.

What are you in love with?

Photo: pixelmama 

 

What makes you happy?

I recently asked a friend if she was happy.  She asked me what that meant.  She didn't know what happiness was.

Her response made me sad.  How can she not know what happiness is?

And it got me thinking, do you know what makes you happy?  What happiness is to you?  Because I think happiness is everywhere.  In the little things.  

Waking up in the morning, feeling the sunlight on my face.  Opera on the radio while stuck in traffic.  The guy in the car next to me singing loudly, but passionately, and beautifully out of tune.  The barista smiling behind the counter because he knows exactly how I like my latte.  A stranger's smiling face.  Talking to one of my oldest friends on the way to work.  The sound of the piano by the touch of my fingers.  A really good book.  One Day.  Perks of Being A Wallflower.  The Alchemist.  Harry Potter.  My nephew's excited and happy voice.  Hearing him tell his fabulous stories.  Happy endings.  Because there are.  Many.  Hikes with Enya.  Walking around the neighborhood.  Ice cream.  Breakfast/lunch/dinners with my girls.  Family time.  Even if it's in the hospital.  The smell of coffee in the morning.  In the afternoon.  In the evening.  Fresh, clean sheets.  The Hollywood Bowl.  Classical music.  The lyrical sound of a poem read out loud.  Clouds in the sky.  Fresh flowers by my bed.  In my bathroom.  I can really go on and on and on.  

You see, I do believe in what Tolstoy said: "If you want to be happy, be." 

The other day, I heard this fluttering sound as I was applying mascara.  It was the sound of the brush as it touched and stroked my lashes.  I've applied mascara over a thousand times, and that was the first time I ever heard that sound.  And it made me so happy.  I couldn't help but smile and giggle and laugh by the sound I just discovered.  Experienced.  It was awesome.        

I like to believe that happiness is in the little things.  In the little moments.  That make up this life.  Our present life.  

And if you're wondering or questioning or just lost about what happiness is to you, try doing a handstand.  Somehow, being upside down does wonders.  Turns that frown into a smile.  :)    

        



Photo: midnight charm 

happiness in little (big) things

I will have a dinner party like this one day.



It's Friday, and I've had quite an exhausting week.  And although I still have tons to do, I'm just so giddy and excited for tonight!  My girlfriend is again spoiling me with another date night at the Bowl.  I love the Bowl.  And tonight it's Tchaikovsky (with a fireworks show!).  I can't sit still with excitement.

And then Anna (at Little Reminders of Love) just recommended a book (A Tree Grows in Brooklyn), and since it's Anna (who I think is the most adorable blogperson I know), I have to read it.  Actually, I've heard about the book (numerous times), so I'm finally picking it up.  For a must read.  This quote she posted (after stating that Francie "is a girl young girls should know") just hooked me: 

"People always think that happiness is a faraway thing," thought Francie,

"something complicated and hard to get.  Yet, what little things can make it up;

a place of shelter when it rains - a cup of strong hot coffee when you're blue;

for a man, a cigarette for contentment; a book to read when you're alone -

just to be with someone you love.  Those things make happiness."

Like Francie, I do believe it's the little things that make up happiness.  (Although such little things can actually be BIG when it makes you happy.)  Like Tchaikovsky tonight.  Seeing a smile on the face of the one you love, and hearing that he's happy - even from far away.  Even if he's far away.  Text messages from my nephew.  Hearing my nephew's excited voice.  Talking to my best friend, and hearing him talk about his wife and daughter and new baby on the way.  Wonderful girlfriends.  This beautiful sunny day.  Saturday brunches by the beach.  J.K. Rowling to inspire me.   

Anyhow, gotta go back to work.  Lunch break is over ... and in a few hours, I get to listen to Tchaikovsky!  Heaven! :)   

      

Photo: Happy Weekend

some random realizations (or not so random ... or not even a realization)

It's been an exhausting couple of days.  Haven't been getting much sleep no matter how early I try to make it to bed.  Somehow, a phone call or two, or another email that needed a reply, just kept getting in the way of my much-needed sleep.

But, today, in my sleep-deprived state, I learned something.  I no longer need coffee.  I want coffee.  I still love coffee.  But I no longer need coffee.  I don't know when it happened.  When my dependency on the tasty-caffeinated drink stopped.  But, somehow, somewhere, some-when, it did.  And although it made me a little sad, and even a little nostalgic, I thought, it was a good thing.  To not need it anymore.  In that case, I drink it because I want to not because I need to.  And in that case, I appreciate it more.  Embrace and savor each and every sip, and each and every moment I hold the coffee cup in my hands (instead of just mindlessly gulping it while I pray that it wakes me up). 

So, how about that for progress?

Another thing I realized today: I want to be a photographer.

And well, while we're in the topic of realizations, here's a few (random) more:
I look forward to text messages from my nephew.  It makes any time of day ten times better.  I love receiving <3 text messages from a someone I adore.  It makes me smile no matter what state or mood I may be in.  I really love my brothers.  They are the biggest part of my world.  I love pictures (yes, I already mentioned I want to be a photographer!).  No matter how exhausting it can be, I still love the practice of law.  I still love coffee (I just needed to repeat that!).  And I'm happy.  :)

Hope you all enjoyed your Wednesday!  (And did I mention, I just love the name Wednesday!)

Photo: annie.manning {paint the moon}                     

the Universe answers

Sometimes you ask a question to no one in particular ~ it's just a question that you send out there to the Universe, for which you don't really expect an answer.

But sometimes (and actually, I have found, oftentimes), the Universe responds.

Let me begin with a background story.  Last Saturday night, I met up with a friend I haven't seen or spoken to in months ... many months.  So, while we tried our best to catch up as much as possible, and tried our best not to forget any details, she asked me something that made me wonder, what was it specifically about L that made me like him?  Made me want to date him?     

I guess it was a question I had coming since I oftentimes spoke about how he had all the strikes, and we didn't seem to have much in common other than the fact that we were both attorneys.  He only reads non-fiction, while I was all about fiction.  He watched Fox News, and I was more of a CNN-type of girl (if I watched the news on television at all).  He reads the newspaper (the actual paper) while waiting around in court, and I read the latest posts on my favorite blogsites from my phone.  He loves foreign films, and I'm not much into subtitles.  He's a Republican, and I voted for Obama.  So, you can say, we were very different from each other.     

So, what was it? 

Well, since I was passed the point of feeling, and was at the point of reflecting, I gave my friend a more "analytical" response.  The thing about analytical responses, however, they sound more like justifications lacking any real emotions.  He was a good guy.  He was an awesome father to his son.  He treated me well.  BLAH BLAH BLAH...

While the real response was lost in the Universe.

But, for some reason only it knows, the Universe decided to give that answer back tonight.

I was working late, feeling quite sorry for myself, hence I took the picture above to capture the beautiful sky I could only experience from my office window.  And after a few minutes of taking that picture, my phone rang.  When I saw his name appear on my cell phone, I heard the Universe's answer. 

It's been awhile since L and I last spoke, but the moment I heard his voice, I was immediately reminded of his openness, candidness and honesty.  As he updated me on the grueling court battle between him and the ex, I remembered why I was drawn to him despite the drama of his life that I didn't want.  It was because from the very beginning, he was clear about who he was, what he wanted, what he thought and how he felt.  I remembered that when we were finally introduced to each other (after how many months of planning by our mutual friends), he told me, within the first five minutes of our conversation, that he was divorced, he had a five year old son, he wanted to take me out and was interested in getting to know me.  Honestly, I was quite surprised (and maybe a little frightened), but more than anything, it was very refreshing.

After many years of wondering how a certain someone I had been pining for felt (feels) about me, it was such a relief to meet someone who just told me what he was thinking and feeling, without any prying on my part.  Every moment that L and I were together, I knew what he was thinking and feeling when it came to me and us.  And although he was right that his candidness (oftentimes) made me nervous and a bit uncomfortable, it didn't stop him from letting me know what he thought and felt.  And as time went on, it made me less nervous and uncomfortable.

So, when I spoke to him tonight, I remembered.

It was very simple.

I asked the question.  And he answered.     

Inspiring morning

boozy banana milkshake by food+words (geez, i even love the name!)

I am seriously addicted to dessert and milkshake recipes (and their yummy photographs)!  My daily routine has been to tempt myself with these photographs before doing yoga (or going for a walk).  Inspires me to work out if I'm going to eat all of these irresistible sweets that I post.  (Hilarious because the last time I really, seriously baked anything was circa 2000.)

But, nonetheless, these photographs inspire me.  One day, I will make each and every one of them.  For someone I love.  (Hopefully, he doesn't get fat). 

I woke up tired (post-date-day with my nephew).  But feeling happy, and a bit nostalgic.  Listening to this song, which I used to blast on repeat in my office (circa 2000, again) ... and it would make me extremely happy: all the small things ... (but, honestly, I don't think I ever listened to the rest of the lyrics, it was just all the small things ... that really mattered to me.  Note: I was having a lot of problems with the ex at that time, and this song became sorta my mantra ... again, I can't remember why.)  Nonetheless, it was a lift-me-up-song.  And it still has that effect on me.  :)

It's a happy day!  Now, how about another photograph of that yummy, delicious (looking) boozy banana milkshake for additional inspiration before yoga?  (I know you can't resist either ... feel free to click on the link, get the recipe and make some for yourself ... and me.)  Happy Saturday!!!

Love it!!!

Photo and recipe source: food+words