running

Next month will be a year since my car accident.  Almost a year since I ran. 

So, yesterday, during my afternoon walk, I decided to give it a try.  Run, I told myself.  Be brave.  You can do it.  You're okay, now.  The doctor cleared me months and months ago.  I just had not felt the same.  And honestly, I was scared to run.  To push myself physically.      

But, then, I did.  Slowly, I broke into a jog and next thing I knew, I found my rhythm and I was running again.
 
And it felt exhilirating.  I didn't realize how much I missed it until I actually felt the rush of energy in my lungs and the wind against my face.  The feel of the concrete under my feet. 

Even though I've been walking a lot, there's something different about running.  And I had forgotten that difference until now.  When I run I feel connected to every single muscle inside of me.  I feel connected to the ground as my feet pounces on the concrete and I hear the sound of its welcome greeting.  I feel connected to the wind as we constantly collide with one another. 

And I wonder, had it always been that way?  Did running always make me feel freer, happier and more alive?

Perhaps, I've stayed away from it long enough to recognize it.  Maybe that time apart was needed.  So, I could once again appreciate all it had to offer.  So, I could appreciate how much I loved it.  And how much I needed it.

Now, I can't wait for my next run.  :)  

movie under the stars

There's something romantic about watching a movie under the stars.  The misty night air and cool breeze just fills me with blissful giddiness.  Now, add palm trees as a backdrop, tombstones all around, and Scarface ... my heart's been won. 


Hollywood Forever Cemetery

the crowd settling in.

the moon couldn't be more perfect.

It was the perfect Sunday evening.  :)

Perfect end to a great summer.

Perfect beginning to fall (my favorite season).

Looking forward to new adventures.

life's simple joys

Having your favorite author's new book delivered to your doorstep on the day it is released:

There is something especially exciting and joyous about opening a package or envelope that is delivered by the good ol' mail man/woman.  Or UPS/FedEx.  Love it!  

Now, I can't wait to finish this brief so I can start reading ... :)

  

thursday's tune.

I've had this on repeat since Meg posted it on her site.  I can write motions all day to this song.  I can even read another DUI trial transcript (or two) while this song keeps me company.  (Okay, two may be an exaggeration, but I do love this song.)

Happy Thursday, everyone!  Any plans for the long weekend?  I'm so looking forward to it.  How times have changed.  Memorial Day six years ago was when my heart stopped beating for awhile.  When that stabbing pain pierced so deep I couldn't breathe.  When I believed that a part of me died, and I couldn't see past the pain.

Wow!  That was six years ago.  I'm repeating that out loud right now with a smile.  I can't stop smiling.  It must be love, you're thinking.  Right?

Well, of course.  But it's not what you're thinking.  That's the best part of it, in fact.

I found the ending to my book.  :)

Okay, before I go on complete vacation mode, I do have to finish this brief, so if you don't hear from me again until next week, have a fabulous long weekend!     

i love this guy.

when i seek quiet and calmness, poetry is where i go.  and nature.  photographs of nature.  so, this guy's site is where i wander to - where i don't mind getting lost in for hours and hours.   

here's my recent favorites:

via tyler knott

Sometimes

I must carry through

the crazy

to notice

that soon,

a light

would spread

in me.

- Tyler Knott

via tyler knott

he's amazing.  check out tyler knott's site here.

Happy Friday, everyone!!!

another reason to love Zooey.

Thank you, Anna, for posting this quote!  This is just another reason why I love and adore Zooey.

"Being tender and open is beautiful.  As a woman, I feel continually shhh'ed.

Too sensitive.  Too mushy.  Too wishy washy.  Blah blah.  Don't let someone

steal your tenderness.  Don't allow the coldness and fear of others to tarnish

your perfectly vulnerable beating heart.  Nothing is more powerful than

allowing yourself to truly be affected by things.  Whether it's a song, a stranger,

a mountain, a rain drop, a tea kettle, an article, a sentence, a footstep, feel it all -

look around you.  All of this is for you.  Take it and have gratitude. 

Give it and feel love."

(-Zooey Deschanel)

And thank you, Zooey, for this.  

Inspiration and the sky

Want to know a secret?

I'm fascinated with the sky.  It inspires me.  And clouds that fill the sky has always had an unfailing ability to perk me up.  All.  The.  Time.  No.  Matter.  What. 

I think that's why I fell in love with Europe.  When I think of Spain, I remember umbrellas of clouds in varying shapes and sizes.  I felt like I was in heaven.  The way I always imagined heaven to look like.

So, thought I'd share some pics that make me smile.  (Remember, I live in Los Angeles, and as much as I love this city, it is known for, yep, it's that word =SMOG= so I savor every bit of cloud I can get.) 

down the 405

i love the blue!

office view: on a Monday afternoon

Happy Tuesday, everyone!!! 

(And 3 more days until the writing retreat.  I can't wait!!!)

2012 Challenge: Update

There is this mantra I tell myself, especially, when I'm down and I feel as if life is not going as I had planned/hoped/dreamed, and it goes something like this: Do the things you need to do, and do the things you love to do, and everything will eventually fall into place.  In their right time.  

So, I've been keeping up with my 2012 Challenge: reading, writing, walking/hiking (a lot!), exploring, learning, and trying my very best to live in the present.

I've done 2 out of the 42 Secret Stairs Walks, and the last one I did turned out to be a charming discovery of these small, quaint hillside streets adorned with exquisite homes of varied designs and architecture: stone, Spanish style to modern to craftsman.  Here are pictures from that Hollywood Bowl and High Tower Walk.  (Note: I didn't take pictures of the homes.  I didn't want the residents to think I was some paparazzi taking pictures of them early in the morning.  But I took pictures of the stairs and the breathtaking view.)

the first set of stairs (103 steps)

second set of stairs (110 steps)

the view from the top (it wasn't a very clear day, but still beautiful, i think)

high tower

close-up: high tower

Then, last Saturday, I thought I'd go on a little adventure, and so, I went on the (500) Days of Summer Downtown tour.  I took the subway to Downtown L.A., and spent my afternoon with a group of strangers, exploring L.A. and talking about the movie.  Here are a few pictures from the hundred that I took that afternoon:

i love this mural!

i love clouds!  and reflection of clouds on the buildings, picture of heaven!

angel's flight

view from angel knolls park

view (again) from angel knolls park

catching the sunset reflecting from the building

The tour reminded me of how beautiful (and historical) Los Angeles really is.  Now, I'm obsessed with learning more about this city I love and grew up in, but yet, don't know very well.  I guess, it's never too late to start.  Journeys and adventures can happen even in our own backyard.   

balance

Today, I was not at my best.

Although I didn't start out that badly.

I got up early enough to make myself breakfast,

cook my lunch (and dinner), and I even got to

watch Brad Pitt's and Jonah Hill's interview on the Today show.

I drafted (and finished) a pleading.

By noon, I had done quite a bit (a lot).

But, then, I couldn't work anymore.

Almost as if I couldn't function.

It hurt to even sit on my chair.

I just stared at the computer screen,

trying to talk myself into starting the tedious task

of reviewing the five-hundred-page discovery in front of me.

But, I couldn't.

Next thing I knew, it was 1:30.

I had been trying to convince myself to work for over an hour.

So, finally, I just took a deep breath, closed my eyes,

and pulled out my new read for the week:

The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks.

Maybe reading something aside from investigation reports

will rejuvenate me.

It didn't.

As good as the read was, my mind wandered.

I needed to work, but I also didn't want to.

And I couldn't force myself to anymore.

So, I left the office.

And I did yoga.  Then, pilates.

 I realized, it was what I needed.

I've been so busy trying to juggle the additional work

I've taken on, along with book clubs and writing classes,

and not to mention cooking and trying to maintain

my new healthy-eating-habits, that I haven't had

time to really work out.

I mean, I've always been a very busy person.

Or maybe I should rephrase that and say,

I am a person who loves to keep herself very busy.

But that busyness must include certain things I cannot be without.

Because when I don't have those things in my life,

I feel imbalanced.

I feel incomplete.

Aside from working many hours, I need art in my life.

I need to read novels and listen to music and

look at photographs, or take pictures, and

write stories (or blogs).

But I also need physical activity.

I need to take long walks or hikes or go for a run.

I need to stretch until my heart begins to race.

I need to feel the pull in my muscles and my lungs expand.

I need to feel my blood rush through my body.

I need movement.

Movement was what I was lacking.

(I had not been able to work out for a week.)

So, movement was what I gave myself.

It's amazing what an hour of yoga and pilates can do.

I feel at my best again.

Now, I can enjoy the rest of the evening

with The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks.

Have a good night, everyone!

Photo by me.

falling in love

Yesterday, I stepped out of the house early in the morning,

and was immediately greeted by the smell of fall. 

Followed by the embrace of its cool and crisp easy breeze.

I had missed you, I thought.  But now, you're here.

Gone for awhile, but never forgotten.

Because I knew you'd be back.

The same.  But different.

I closed my eyes.  For a brief moment.

And just took it all in.  The familiar smell.

The familiar and safe embrace. 

And I was overcome with feelings of

joy and excitement and hope.  Hope for all this season brings.

And that's when I felt my heart just smile.  I couldn't stop smiling.

And I knew, in my core, I was falling in love once again.

In love with everything around me.

The neighborhood I've gotten to know so well, yet,

everyday I notice something new - a swing in a neighbor's front lawn;

a toy on the porch; a new face walking by with the most adorable black pug.

In love with my family who greets me with the biggest smiles as if they

had just not seen me the week before.

In love with my friends, who in their own, unique ways, show

me they love me and just want to see me happy.

In love with this life I've been blessed with ~

though not one without disappointments, heartbreak and loss ~

it is beautiful.  Because in the midst of all those things I've still

found love.  And I'm grateful that my eyes and heart had been

opened to allow me to see that.  This life full of love.

And I'm grateful that I can fall in love everyday.

Right now, I'm in love with this life I have.

What are you in love with?

Photo: pixelmama 

 

happiness in little (big) things

I will have a dinner party like this one day.



It's Friday, and I've had quite an exhausting week.  And although I still have tons to do, I'm just so giddy and excited for tonight!  My girlfriend is again spoiling me with another date night at the Bowl.  I love the Bowl.  And tonight it's Tchaikovsky (with a fireworks show!).  I can't sit still with excitement.

And then Anna (at Little Reminders of Love) just recommended a book (A Tree Grows in Brooklyn), and since it's Anna (who I think is the most adorable blogperson I know), I have to read it.  Actually, I've heard about the book (numerous times), so I'm finally picking it up.  For a must read.  This quote she posted (after stating that Francie "is a girl young girls should know") just hooked me: 

"People always think that happiness is a faraway thing," thought Francie,

"something complicated and hard to get.  Yet, what little things can make it up;

a place of shelter when it rains - a cup of strong hot coffee when you're blue;

for a man, a cigarette for contentment; a book to read when you're alone -

just to be with someone you love.  Those things make happiness."

Like Francie, I do believe it's the little things that make up happiness.  (Although such little things can actually be BIG when it makes you happy.)  Like Tchaikovsky tonight.  Seeing a smile on the face of the one you love, and hearing that he's happy - even from far away.  Even if he's far away.  Text messages from my nephew.  Hearing my nephew's excited voice.  Talking to my best friend, and hearing him talk about his wife and daughter and new baby on the way.  Wonderful girlfriends.  This beautiful sunny day.  Saturday brunches by the beach.  J.K. Rowling to inspire me.   

Anyhow, gotta go back to work.  Lunch break is over ... and in a few hours, I get to listen to Tchaikovsky!  Heaven! :)   

      

Photo: Happy Weekend

It's about time!

I once dated a guy with a kid.  And as much as he didn't know how to introduce a woman he's dating to his five-year-old son, I didn't know how to introduce a man I was dating to my six-year-old nephew. You see, although I don't have a kid of my own, my nephew is the center of my world.  He's my BFF.  And many times, when I look at him, listen to his fabulous stories and his laughter, I think, this is why I don't have kids.  If I did, I may not be able to have these moments, just as they are, with him.  Just me and him. 

One day, months ago, I tried to broach the subject of me and babies with him.  We were taking a walk, and he was telling me yet another fantastic story.  I asked him, do you want cousins?  He stopped walking, and looked up at me.  What do you mean? he asked.  Well, I told him, if I have a kid, then that kid will be your cousin.  He didn't say a word.  Continued walking.  Then, after a few seconds of silence, he told me a joke.  That was my clue that he didn't want to talk about it.     

This summer, I signed him up for a basketball league.  And every Monday, he goes to work with me, so I can take him to practice in the afternoon.  We start our day off with breakfast time at my desk, while I write his schedule for the day.  He likes to follow that schedule to a tee, thus, reading time does not start until exactly 9:30, and computer time does not start until exactly 10:30.  The best moments of my Mondays are when we just sit there at my desk, have breakfast, lunch and just talk.  I love hearing his stories.  He has the funniest, most amazing stories.

A couple of weeks ago, my cousin and her new baby daughter was at my mom's house.  As I was adoring the beautiful tiny baby, my niece asked her brother how he would feel if I had a baby.  My nephew thought for a moment, then he said, I'd be okay with it.  That'll be fine.  In fact, it's about time.  She's *** years old already!"  (He added a couple of years to my age!)  Then, after stating his approval, he stompered off, leaving everyone shocked at first, before bursting out in laughter.        

I didn't know what to say. 

He's still the center of my world.  And so, have to sign off and watch his basketball game this morning.  I promised myself that I was going to take advantage of every moment that I have with him.  Every moment that I have with him being the number one kid in my life.

I believe that being an aunt is one of the most wonderful jobs in the world.  (The closest thing to actually being a mom.)  Right now, it's my most favorite role.  :) 

Photo: Mamma Mia

life is good ... especially with ice cream

Sleep has been an unfamiliar concept to me lately.

Trying to juggle work, babysitting, work, basketball games,

work, birthday celebrations, work, friends, work, family, work, yoga,

and work work work,

there has not been much time for good ol' sleep.

But I feel good.

And I have found that good ol' water

is a great and reliable companion

to get me through the night ... and day.

But, recently, a client told me I should take a vacation.

I asked whether I looked that tired.

He said, not at all, but you should take one.

You deserve a break.

(Aww ...)

But I do take breaks.

Yesterday evening, I went out with a few old

colleagues, old friends, and had bad-for-us appetizers.

And that delicious Kona Coffee Ice Cream Sundae

(pictured above).

It was heavenly!

My friend then asked me if I could rate my stress level

from 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, what would it be?

I said three.

Really, he asked?

How could that be?

Easy. 

There are many things that should stress me out.

And initially, when they come up (which is often), they do.

But I don't let it last long.

I allow myself a few minutes (sometimes, seconds) to hyperventilate,

to fume, tense up, get angry, resentful, feel sorry for myself,

then, I brush it all off.

Thus, needless to say, I also work really hard 

at not allowing anything to bother

me for too long.

Then, I told him, I feel good.

A year older.

And happier.

And that I have no desire to be 20 again.

No desire to be 25.

No desire to even be 30 again.

I love where I'm at.

And that's an awesome feeling.

p.s. For those who don't know me, it took a long, looooooonng time to get here.  This place of peace with myself.  With life.  But with hard work, it does happen.  I believe that.  So, don't give up. 

havens

Photo: Espacio Vital

I want a nook like this.

So, I can crawl in it right now.  And sleep.

I've only had a 2-hour nap in the last 37 hours.

(So glad I had a lovely weekend. 

Though as predicted, I'm paying for it.)

Surprisingly, my head is not pounding.

I even visited two clients today.

And I did not lose my temper nor my patience.

But I'm tired.

I want to sleep.

In a nook.

Then, wake up and read a book.

Here.

Photo via

But, of course, what would really be nice,

fabulous even,

is this:

Photo via

Bali, take me away!

I must sleep!

A lot accomplished, which always feels amazing!

Thus, I should sleep well.

And dream about Bali.

Good night!

Some things remain the same ...

... like my love for daisies.

I think they're beautiful.

Simple.  Lovely.

Yesterday was awesome!

I felt pampered and spoiled.

Relaxed.  Very relaxed.

I-just-want-to-nap-kinda-relaxed.

So, when I got home last night,

I decided to turn off my phone,

and just read.

No, I didn't work. 

I read through old emails between my cousin and I.

She lives in a different country, so we write.

A lot.  And so, I read emails from 2006.

I was being nostalgic. 

Like I said, birthdays do that to me.

And wow!  I was surprised how things have changed.

I have changed.  A lot.

I'm happy.

I guess, what hit me most was how my heart wasn't

broken anymore.  As I read words I wrote about

someone I loved and lost, I didn't feel anything.

Not longing, not missing, nothing.

And it wasn't the I-don't-want-to-feel-anything-for-him feeling.

I really felt nothing.  Not a pinch in my heart.

I didn't become overwhelmed with nostalgia about him and us anymore.

There was no reflecting.  Nothing.  The words I read

about love, loss and regrets became just words.

And, I really don't know when all of the feelings stopped.

But they did.

Over dessert, my dear, best friend said to me,

I think all of the broken hearts and disappointments

were meant to prepare you for something greater.

I've seen you love and give it your all.

You will do that again.

And the thing I realized last night,

is that things do change.  We change.

But in the midst of change, some things remain the same.

The people I laughed and cried with five years ago,

ten years ago, even twenty years ago,

are still the same people I laugh and cry with now.

And I know that we'll continue to laugh and cry together

until we can no longer stand straight.

Some things remain the same. 

No matter how life has changed us.

And as much I welcome and embrace change,

I also embrace those things that remain the same.

I also know now, that our ability to love

never dies.  It may go in hiding for awhile.

But it'll always be there.

Because broken hearts have the ability to heal.

Our hearts do get restored.

Put back to pieces.

And we can love again.

Today, I celebrate new beginnings.

And an amazing year ahead.

Photo: Kiwi GaL

just let go!

I've officially started my weekend off.

Well, I decided to anyway.  A few hours early.

Funny how I can be so excited to be off

for the weekend.

Isn't that what a weekend is supposed to be for?

Some time off?

(Well, I really don't know how a full day off looks like anymore.)

(And honestly, I feel a little guilty because I should be

working.  You know, that BIG motion due in a few days.)

Then, I heard myself saying ...

encouraging, maybe even justifying ...

that I need this.  So, just let go!

For a few days.

Don't think about work

At.  All.

One of my dearest, best friends booked

us a massage and some calming/detoxing wrap

for this afternoon, followed by a lovely dinner.

She said, just escape.

Savor it.

You deserve it.

So, if she thinks I deserve it,

it's okay, right?

Well, I do feel less guilty.

(Maybe I'll be hitting myself on the head in a few days ...

but let's not look too far ahead.)

And what matters is right now.

This present moment.

And this present moment,

I'm clocking out.

Just looking forward to pure relaxation.

And lots of yummy food.

Sweet dessert.

Good conversation.

Great wine.

Hugs, kisses,

 and, of course,

 lots of laughter.

Isn't that what life is all about?

Photo: Caiti Borruso

a pink balloon

All I want for my birthday is a pink balloon.

I've had an annoying, lingering headache since my trip to Dallas last week.

Work is piling up, and I have deadline after deadline, 

which involves some major legal analyzing.

But my head hurts!

However, I promised my friends that I would take the weekend off.

Since it is my birthday weekend! (Big smile!)

So, serious pressure to get A LOT done this week.

Despite the pounding headache.

But oddly enough, I am in the mood to celebrate.

And that's a first because like I've said

I never was much of a birthday-celebrating-kinda-gal.

But this year calls for a celebration.

Not so much because it's my birthday.

But it's because life is wonderful.

And I'm happy.

I couldn't really say that ten years ago.

I couldn't really say that five years ago.

So, I thought, why not celebrate happiness?

Thus, when asked by family and friends

what I wanted, I just said

quality time with "lots of laughter"

on the menu.

(So, of course, I.  Cannot.  Work.  At.  All.)

And again, just between you and me,

a pink balloon.

I want a pink balloon.

That would make my day just lovely and perfect! 

photo: Brandon Warren

bouncing back.

Yummy!  Yummmmmyyy!!!

I know I've been quite a downer lately.  Sorry.  Not only have I been privy to the recent heartaches and disappointments of friends, but I've been going through my own disappointments.  And those heartbreaks can be a bummer.  A mood killer.  Just plain ol' sucky.  What better way to put it?

But I'm bounc-ing back.  Because I know that there's a reason for everything, and really, all things turn out for the best.  I believe that.  And as sucky as I've been feeling lately, there are still many things that make me smile ... like the yummy french toast and berries and bananas.  (Note: I tried to imitate the photo above, and although mine didn't turn out as pretty, it was quite yummy.  I just decided to post its inspiration because, like I said, it looks much more appetizing.)

And this post from positively present really made me smile today because I am one of those people that do believe in the science (or art) of being positive.

I also had a good run.  And a good cry.  But crying is good.  It cleanses the soul.  I also had a good ten minute meditation.  Reminded me to be centered, grounded and present: things happen for a reason.  Even though I don't understand it now.  This is good.   
 
And of course, yummmy, fruity, french toast.  Love it! :)    

So, things are not that bad.  Sometimes, it's just a matter of perspective.  Or sometimes, we do need a little jolt, a little push, to get back on track.  And sometimes, we just need to experience the bad to better appreciate the good. 

photo: Yusri Yusof

the perfect date.

i'd say yes. 

over

and

over

and

over 

again. 

and again. 

and again.

p.s. i love these lights.  i love trees with lights.  outdoor dining.  this setting.  and of course, the man who knows all of that.  :)  

source: inspiri

sometimes ...

... is all you can say.

sometimes, it's all you need to say.

sometimes, it's all you should say.

i believe those three words together, in its perfect sequence,

in its honest timing, is the most beautiful composition of words.

unfortunately, it's not used enough.  at least when it should be.

such simple words that, sometimes, require so much courage to even utter.

but find the courage.

say it.

i love you.

mean it.

and you'll see what a world of difference it makes.

i love you.

i love you.

do you see? 

do you feel it?

i love you.

*photo via le love