it's our relationships that matter.

Emily Giffin posted this on her Facebook page, and so, I just had to check it out.  It was a good hour spent with these women and my cup of decaf coffee.  My favorite part was when Julianna Margulies said that they are lucky to be doing what they do, but at the end, it's their relationships that matter.  It's coming home to someone after a long day at work and having that person there to share your life with.

And I agree. 

Everything is always better when there's someone to share it with.  I'm one to get consumed with work and the busyness of life, but at the end of the day, it's nice to be greeted with a hug and sit on the couch and cuddle with someone special.  It makes all the hard work worth it.  My former boss used to always tell me that no matter how demanding this profession (law) can get, don't neglect my family and the ones that I love.  Because they are the ones who matter.

And he's right.

springtime inspiration.

Springtime.

Always feels like a re-awakening for me.

I feel different, I told my friend.  But the same.  Renewed.  Released. 

It's been a very busy week.  I've been juggling multiple cases, and working on one pleading after another.  My brain has been spinning and turning.  I love it!  Especially because I finally realized, I can be creative in law.  Law is about being creative.  Why the heck had I been fighting it?     

So, the last few days, since my late revelation, I've been happily sitting in front of the computer, with my hair up in a messy bun, glasses pressing down my nose, and Moroccan Mint Tea latte by my side.  Stacks of treatises and manila folders have formed a circle around me.  It's wonderful.  I feel found.  At home.  

    

the Good Life

When I need a lift-me-up, I listen to this song.  When I need a reminder that "it's not that bad," I listen to this song.  When I just want a beat to bop-my-head, dance-in-my-chair-to, I put on this song.

I've been in a funny sort of mood all day.  My day started out fine, meaning no hassle: had time to straighten my hair, sit and drink my green smoothie while watching the traffic and weather reports, and still got to court by 8:30 (without running two long blocks in four-inch heels!). 

But then, I heard his name directed at me with a question mark, and all of that changed.  My heart started beating just a little faster, and although I tried to mask my sudden jitters, the turn of my head with every footstep heard from the courtroom door probably made my discomposure obvious.  (And as if the clunking of heels would be his!)  I didn't really think he would walk in, that out of all the courtrooms, he'd come into the one I was in.  But there was an unspoken part of me that wanted to see his face.  Just a glimpse of familiarity.  I didn't see him.  But the mention of his name with mine, the words "we" and "us" once upon a time, were enough to bring back that longing for just the slightest touch of his fingers on mine.

So, I've been listening to this song.  Because I needed a lift-me-up, a reminder that life is actually very good, and these feelings are wonderful and should be cherished -because missing someone also means that we had something special.  To miss.

something to be thankful for

... even on days like today,

when I just want to curse attorneys and legislators for

drafting confusing statutes, codes and rules, that make my brain

do cartwheels, and then, left feeling like an overcooked, 

"twirly-twist" pasta at the end of the day.

There is always, always, always something to be thankful for, right?

Like a healthy delivery for my dear friend of her beautiful twin girls.

There is always something to be thankful for.

Even law school.

It warned me.

About days (many days) like this.

You see, on the first day of law school, they warn you,

that by your third year,

the sky will no longer appear blue.

Because a part of our training (law school) is 

to question everything -

and to find that everything is subject to interpretation.

Things are no longer simple.

Thus, the sky is no longer blue.

It is either shades of blue or gray or neither

because it really is just a mirror for the ocean, and thus,

only appears blue (or gray or neither).

Anyhow, since the majority of my day is spent twisting and turning

my brain to form the perfect (or most logical) argument for my case,

I try to simplify everything else in my life.

I no longer sit around trying to figure out what people mean when they say

(or not say) things.  I just take what they say or do (or not say or do) at face value. 

I'm too tired for coded messages.

(p.s. This was on my mind because my girlfriends are always,

always questioning, analyzing, doubting, a certain someone's

actions.  And really?  I'm too tired to participate in that.) 

Because everyday life is not to be analyzed and interpreted.

It is to be lived.

And I'm thankful that I can still do that.

Even on days like this.

Even on nights like tonight.

Because tonight will be a long, long night.

So, I am thankful that I can even take breaks like this to relax my poor, tired brain.

Have a wonderful Wednesday night!

(I will.  Even if it's in front of the computer analyzing jumbled legal jargon.)

Photo: Just Be Splendid

the reason

We do get over it.

You know, that heartache that

squeezed your insides so hard

you couldn't breathe.

That heartache that made

you feel paralyzed.

We do get over it.

You know, that loss that

left you feeling hollow and empty.

You do get over it.

If you try.

If you believe.

Because, sometimes, the things that hurt us the most

has a way of turning out to be best thing that happened to us.

* * *

I tried to work on my book today.

I wrote two sentences.

But I read through pages and pages of journal

entries, old blog posts, and scribbles of half-attempts

at poetry that I had written in the last eight years.

So, I wasn't that unproductive.

There is a lot of learning

 from past loves, past ideas,

past mistakes, and

past broken hearts.

And, I decided to write a completely different story.

You see, sometimes we start off with one goal:

get over the heartache.

But we end up somewhere else:

in love.

I saw him the other night.

He played the guitar while I listened.

And as I watched and listened to him play,

I thought, you're the reason.

The reason it couldn't work out with him.

You were the reason before we even met.

Because I had to meet you.

I don't know how our story will end,

but I am sure of one thing.

I'm glad we met.

(written a long, long time ago

for a boy i met at a halloween party ... long, long ago.)

Photo: Dara Russell

Inspiring morning

boozy banana milkshake by food+words (geez, i even love the name!)

I am seriously addicted to dessert and milkshake recipes (and their yummy photographs)!  My daily routine has been to tempt myself with these photographs before doing yoga (or going for a walk).  Inspires me to work out if I'm going to eat all of these irresistible sweets that I post.  (Hilarious because the last time I really, seriously baked anything was circa 2000.)

But, nonetheless, these photographs inspire me.  One day, I will make each and every one of them.  For someone I love.  (Hopefully, he doesn't get fat). 

I woke up tired (post-date-day with my nephew).  But feeling happy, and a bit nostalgic.  Listening to this song, which I used to blast on repeat in my office (circa 2000, again) ... and it would make me extremely happy: all the small things ... (but, honestly, I don't think I ever listened to the rest of the lyrics, it was just all the small things ... that really mattered to me.  Note: I was having a lot of problems with the ex at that time, and this song became sorta my mantra ... again, I can't remember why.)  Nonetheless, it was a lift-me-up-song.  And it still has that effect on me.  :)

It's a happy day!  Now, how about another photograph of that yummy, delicious (looking) boozy banana milkshake for additional inspiration before yoga?  (I know you can't resist either ... feel free to click on the link, get the recipe and make some for yourself ... and me.)  Happy Saturday!!!

Love it!!!

Photo and recipe source: food+words

i fancy the socks! and the quote, too. :)

I want a pair of these!

And I thought the quote is so-fitting for my current state of (heart) mind.

I was (and still am) so moved by One Day that I can't stop thinking about it.

I can't stop gushing about it to everyone I speak to.

It's a story that will stay with you, I tell my secretary.

It'll make you laugh.  Make you cry. 

Oh, definitely make you cry.

 

Made me cry.

And has definitely stayed with me.

Anyhow, have another long night at the office.

After last night's inspiration, I made a resolution (promise to myself)

that I will try, try, TRY not to work on weekends.  Anymore.

So, if my body allows it, I'll just work longer hours during the week,

and take the weekends off. 

To enjoy. 

The sun.

Write poems.  Take pictures.

Go for walks.  Swim.

Laugh with friends.

Have wine over breakfast.

Write.  My.  Book.

So, I will do that.  :)

On a completely different note, I want a traveling buddy.

All of my good friends are married, and thus, a little difficult to travel with.

(And my single friends ... well, I wouldn't travel with them.  Done that.)

I want a traveling-adventure-buddy ...

someone I can laugh with, be silly with,

have serious talks with, and be silent with.

Someone uber-awesome.

Some place uber-pretty.

Maybe Chicago.

Skyscrapers by the water.

Inspired already! :)

Photo source: ashappyaskings

On being in love. Again.

Last weekend, my girlfriends and I took a roadtrip.  To Vegas.

It was supposed to be a wild-and-oh-so-silly-crazy-bachelorette-weekend.

But we were as tamed as Catholic school girls can be on a field trip with chaperoning nuns.

(meaning: we tried to act wild, but just couldn't do it.)

(We were silly though.  And well, crazy is arbitrary.)

Nonetheless, we had loads of FUN!

I believe girl time is always needed.

We didn't talk about work,

which was surprising, but oh-what-a-relief!

We hardly talked about men,

which was also surprising, but oh-so-refreshing, too!

I just have so many favorite moments from the weekend,

but what I really, really loved - was the drive to Vegas.

It was just me and my very-good-friend-twice-roommate.

It has been over a decade since she and I had taken a roadtrip

together.  But as we talked about life as it is,

and reminisced about life as it was,

I remembered why we were good friends.

(Have been since the tenth grade.)

Complete opposites. 

And thus, life definitely took us on different paths.

But we got each other then.  And we still get each other now.

And even when we don't, we listen to each other.

And I found, that's what matters.

The thing about being around old friends,

we are reminded about the old us.

And reminders of the old us

are the best measure of growth.

By the end of the weekend, I realized

that I really am in love.  Again.

This time with life.  As it is.

And being in love with life

is being in love with everyone and everything in it.

I'm in love with my nephew's voice,

and his laugh and his silly ideas.

I'm in love with the way

my brother always texts me in the middle

of the day with his quirky jokes.

(Father and son are more alike than they realize.)

I'm in love with the way my mom

loves life no matter how hard it has been for her.

I'm in love with the fact that I can work from

anywhere (Internet is the best!),

(but I still try to make it into the office earlier than everyone else).

I'm in love with ice cream at 3pm.

I'm in love with the way my friends and I can

smile (or smirk or frown) at each other and know exactly

what we are thinking.

I'm in love with text kisses and hugs and <3s

that bring a big smile to my face (and tingle to my heart)

anywhere I may be or whatever I may be doing.

I'm in love with the way the wind feels against my face,

the way coffee tastes in the morning, and the fact

that Criminal Minds comforts me and keeps me company.

Life is funny, I told my friend.

Everyday, every moment can bring new surprises.

"Our lives can change with every breath we take."

(By the way, that's from a movie - Where the Heart Is.)

But, I believe it.

So, I told her, your life can change, too.

My life certainly did.

You've seen that.

You knew me then.

Who would have ever guessed I'd be in love with life?

p.s. I'm in love with the peanut butter malted milkshake depicted above.  Yum!

Photo: food+words

just let go!

I've officially started my weekend off.

Well, I decided to anyway.  A few hours early.

Funny how I can be so excited to be off

for the weekend.

Isn't that what a weekend is supposed to be for?

Some time off?

(Well, I really don't know how a full day off looks like anymore.)

(And honestly, I feel a little guilty because I should be

working.  You know, that BIG motion due in a few days.)

Then, I heard myself saying ...

encouraging, maybe even justifying ...

that I need this.  So, just let go!

For a few days.

Don't think about work

At.  All.

One of my dearest, best friends booked

us a massage and some calming/detoxing wrap

for this afternoon, followed by a lovely dinner.

She said, just escape.

Savor it.

You deserve it.

So, if she thinks I deserve it,

it's okay, right?

Well, I do feel less guilty.

(Maybe I'll be hitting myself on the head in a few days ...

but let's not look too far ahead.)

And what matters is right now.

This present moment.

And this present moment,

I'm clocking out.

Just looking forward to pure relaxation.

And lots of yummy food.

Sweet dessert.

Good conversation.

Great wine.

Hugs, kisses,

 and, of course,

 lots of laughter.

Isn't that what life is all about?

Photo: Caiti Borruso

that was then, this is now.

I've been feeling nostalgic.  Happens every year around my birthday.  I think about the person I was.  The dreams I had.  The people who are no longer in my life. 

And in all honesty, my life is not how I had pictured it to be.  Ten years ago, if someone asked me how I saw my life in ten years, it's not this.  This is not what I would've described.  The girl I was ten years ago would not recognize the me now.  But modesty aside, I think she would be proud.   

photo: Lindsay Brynn

sometimes, we just have to trust ...

"Let's just be fabulously where we are and who

we are.  You be you and I'll be me, today and

today and today, and let's trust the future to

  tomorrow.  Let the stars keep track of us.  Let us

ride our own orbits and trust that they will

meet.  May our reunion be not a finding but a

sweet collision of destinies."

- Love, Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli

(- via Little Reminders of Love)

photo via

It's you.

"When I looked at you, my life made sense.

Even the bad things made sense.

They were necessary to make you possible."

(- Jonathan Safran Foer, "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close")

photo via

my unconventional friend

a diary of little things and curiosities: the other kind of friend.: "There's something to be said for the every day sort of friend, the one you see so often they may as well be family--the one you do everythin..."

I love the above post by Laura.  It made me think about my other kind of friend.  I mean, I have several very good friends who I rarely see, I rarely speak to, and probably only exchange text messages with every couple of months.  Nonetheless, when I see them, we spend hours catching up and I remember why I consider them my very good friends.   

But this post (and the person I really thought about when I read Laura's post) is about a certain, special, other kind of friend.  Someone, I should say, I have quite an unconventional friendship with.  We don't see each other much.  He lives in a different state.  We don't even talk on the phone.  But somehow, I always feel connected to him.  Like he's not that far away.  Because no matter how much time has passed from the last time I saw him, his presence is still familiar and comforting, it's as if, not much time has passed at all.  If anything, I feel more of a closeness to him. 

For a long time, I wondered what it was between us.  What the connection was.  Who was he in my life?  Was he really just a friend?  But over the years, I've realized that it's really quite simple: he is my friend.  A different kind of friend who I don't have to see or talk to everyday to know that he's my friend or that he is someone special in my life.  And what I've realized lately, from the last few times I've seen him, is that I love him.  Just for who he is.  Who he has become.  And who is to me: someone who makes me strive to be the best person I can be.  Aren't those the best kinds of people in our lives? 

You know, a friend who inspires us to be our best selves.  And a friendship with no expectations or sense of obligation ~ just love.  And kindness.  And respect.  And trust.  Trust that no matter what, our interests or intentions are never to hurt one another.  That each other's happiness is what matters.  I believe that's what I have with him.  That's who he is to me.  My unconventional (best) friend.

And because of him, I've learned that love and friendship comes in different shapes and forms.  That there is no set design or format about how it should be or look like.  And as long as you each abide by this one criteria: be good to one another, the rest will follow.  The rest being a beautiful, albeit unconventional, friendship.

photo via weheartit         

all i know

Today, I think God was sending me a message about "uncertainty".  Let's just say, I started the day by reading my favorite blogs, which is quite routine, but the unusual thing was that the posts were all about uncertainty.  Laura even titled her post: "uncertainty".  (And see Brenda's post here, which the theme happens to be uncertainty.) 

Even my horoscope talked about uncertainty, and used the word uncertainty:  "Exciting travel is in your near future, although it might not be the same journey you had planned.  Let go of your organizational nature and try to let this new adventure unfold naturally.  Give control over to fate.  Things may not be too clear for quite awhile, but you don't have to try to make them clear.  Simply live with the uncertainty.  In some circles, 'uncertain' is just another word for 'spontaneous.'  Incorporate more chance and fate into how you live your life."

Ok, I know it sounds a little absurd to believe or read too much into this horoscope stuff, but still ... I just can't help but find it quite meaningful (?) that my day started with three messages about uncertainty.  And, I know it's silly to think that God is sending me a message through my horoscope, but still ... again ... I can't help but think about the theme of the day: uncertainty.

I guess all of this would make more sense if you knew the background to why all of this seems a little too coincidental - or intentional (?) - to me.  Well, last night, I was thinking about uncertainty.  And I was thinking about how much it drives me a little crazy.  I have this tendency to get ahead of myself and want to predict the ending of a story.  Even my own stories.  In my own life.  But the thing is, life is uncertain.  I just have quite a track record with being impatient when it comes to that uncertainty. 

But not to be too hard on myself, I should say, that I have become better with being patient.  With the future.  With the unknowns.  With uncertainty.  It doesn't mean it still doesn't drive me a little crazy, but I have learned to let go more ... and appreciate the moment.  I mean, this is what this whole blog has been about: finding joy in every moment.  Being in the moment.  In this moment.

So, maybe the messages were reminders.  Because honestly, I have become quite impatient as of late.  And as of late, I've started making my own predictions (again) of certain outcomes in my life.  To be particular, certain outcomes of certain relationships.  But the thing is, I don't know.  I really don't.  Right now, I don't have enough information to know.  And life is full of surprises.  I can feel differently about a situation a year from now.  Who knows?  There is only one thing I really know for sure about the future: I want to be happy.

- via

"because i'm a sucker for happy endings."

- via observando

her friend said, "i'm rooting for the two of you. 

i want to hear a happy ending."

she said, "it'll be a happy ending.  either way." 

i love awesome!

these heart-shaped, happy face flowers are pretty awesome.

yes, i'm promoting neil pasricha's book - the book of awesome.  i've had his blog saved on my favorites list for awhile now, but honestly, wasn't aware that the book had come out until a special someone and i walked into urban outfitters and he said, this book is pretty awesome.  so, he purchased it and we looked through it over coffee.  that's when i asked him, what do you think is awesome?

you see, i love awesome!  aside from amazing, it's my next favorite word.  so, i was really excited when i looked through the book.  because awesome things make me happy.  and it was exciting that someone (many people) out there feel the same way.   

sitting in coffee bean at that moment was ... pretty awesome.   

after my very difficult 2010, after losing loved ones unexpectedly and too soon, i vowed to always seek out happy and amazing (and awesome) things around me.  i've learned that despite heartache and loss and disappointment, there is always something to smile about ... if you only take the time to notice it (them).

did i mention that sitting in coffee bean, reading the book of awesome, with someone i was finding to be pretty awesome, was REALLY awesome (amazing)? 

that moment when you look at someone, and discover, awww i think like this, that is awesome.  an awesome feeling!

what do you find awesome?  let's make it a challenge.  write one awesome thing from your day.  for the next 30 days.  see what you discover.  what you learn. 

and if you want some ideas, check out neil pasricha's books: the book of awesome and the book of (even more) awesome.  Enjoy! 

i love awesome!  life is awesome!  you are awesome!

photo = mine :)

wish.

I've always loved this word.  Loved the sound.  There's a certain playfulness to it.  I picture being on a swing and swinging as high as I can go.  Weeee!  I picture playing in the rain.  Dancing and sloshing around as the rain soaks my hair and clothes.  There's such freedom in that.  And in this word.  Wish.

As a little kid, I believed in wishes.  I believed that if you wish really, really hard for something, it will come true.  I believed that if you persistently, day in and day out, believed in its truth, it will one day take its form.

Now, as an adult, I still love the word.  And I still make wishes.  Every year, when I blow my birthday candles.  Every year, when the clock strikes twelve announcing Christmas Day.  And twice, when I threw a coin over my shoulder into the Trevi fountain. 

But now, I also believe that wishes just don't come true.  Just like that.  Maybe some would say I've become a little jaded.  But now, I just believe that in order for wishes to come true, we have to play a part in it.  It takes more than believing in the wish, we have to live the wish.  We need to ride on the swing and dance in the rain in able to see the wish transform into its concrete form.  And actually, in some way, I prefer that.  I think there's more magic in that.

*photo via

disconnect to connect.

"We are all Pinocchio: we begin our life, waving to our mother and father with our schoolbooks in hand, hoping to do well.  But we are turned this way and that.  We make mistakes, we move from our course, we falter, flounder, and may suffer remorse, rebellion, or a sense of defeat.  We seem to lose our way.  But no matter!  If we keep our little flame alive, our first feeling of enthusiasm of who we are, without the influence or intervention of others, we will prevail.  And like Pinocchio, despite all his transgressions, find the courage to reunite with our little flame and be rewarded.  And the reward is this: we become ourselves.

"The cricket tells Pinocchio, 'Always let your conscience be your guide.'  These words, by a small insignificant insect, give us all we need.  The best person to tell you who you are, what you should be, is ultimately yourself."  

- Patti Smith, "Keeping the Flame"

Thanks to Laura for posting the above quote.  I do believe that God sends us messages in many different forms and media, and well, this was His means today.  You see, its timing couldn't be any more perfect since yesterday I decided I was going to disconnect for awhile.  Disconnect from my everyday world so that I can connect with myself.  I even told the people in my daily life that I was going "in isolation."  I felt that I need some quiet time, alone, to sort some things out.  Sometimes, everything that needs to be said has been said and all the advice and opinion you can get has been gotten, and all there is left to do is listen.  Listen to that voice inside of you.  To your heart.  And let it guide you.  That's what I felt yesterday.  It was so strong that I knew I had to listen.  

So, self, I'm still listening. 

*photo via

the big little things.

"Sometimes it is the littlest things that impact us in the biggest ways.

Be it a chance encounter, a glance across a crowded room, the sound

of a first hello or the way your body seems shaped and created, molded

to fit their arms.  It's not the screams in this life that pulls us from our

sleepwalking, it's the whispers.  It's always been the whispers."

-- Tyler Knott

A Possibility.

Maybe, just maybe, the reason we cannot say goodbye

is because we're really meant to stay.

*photo via