all i know

Today, I think God was sending me a message about "uncertainty".  Let's just say, I started the day by reading my favorite blogs, which is quite routine, but the unusual thing was that the posts were all about uncertainty.  Laura even titled her post: "uncertainty".  (And see Brenda's post here, which the theme happens to be uncertainty.) 

Even my horoscope talked about uncertainty, and used the word uncertainty:  "Exciting travel is in your near future, although it might not be the same journey you had planned.  Let go of your organizational nature and try to let this new adventure unfold naturally.  Give control over to fate.  Things may not be too clear for quite awhile, but you don't have to try to make them clear.  Simply live with the uncertainty.  In some circles, 'uncertain' is just another word for 'spontaneous.'  Incorporate more chance and fate into how you live your life."

Ok, I know it sounds a little absurd to believe or read too much into this horoscope stuff, but still ... I just can't help but find it quite meaningful (?) that my day started with three messages about uncertainty.  And, I know it's silly to think that God is sending me a message through my horoscope, but still ... again ... I can't help but think about the theme of the day: uncertainty.

I guess all of this would make more sense if you knew the background to why all of this seems a little too coincidental - or intentional (?) - to me.  Well, last night, I was thinking about uncertainty.  And I was thinking about how much it drives me a little crazy.  I have this tendency to get ahead of myself and want to predict the ending of a story.  Even my own stories.  In my own life.  But the thing is, life is uncertain.  I just have quite a track record with being impatient when it comes to that uncertainty. 

But not to be too hard on myself, I should say, that I have become better with being patient.  With the future.  With the unknowns.  With uncertainty.  It doesn't mean it still doesn't drive me a little crazy, but I have learned to let go more ... and appreciate the moment.  I mean, this is what this whole blog has been about: finding joy in every moment.  Being in the moment.  In this moment.

So, maybe the messages were reminders.  Because honestly, I have become quite impatient as of late.  And as of late, I've started making my own predictions (again) of certain outcomes in my life.  To be particular, certain outcomes of certain relationships.  But the thing is, I don't know.  I really don't.  Right now, I don't have enough information to know.  And life is full of surprises.  I can feel differently about a situation a year from now.  Who knows?  There is only one thing I really know for sure about the future: I want to be happy.

- via