be brave, my friend.

"'Because,' she said, 'when you're scared

but you still do it anyway, that's brave.'"

(Neil Gaiman)

I never thought of myself as brave.  Even after I walked out of a bad relationship that lasted six years too long.  But now, looking back, I realize, it was brave.  Because I was scared.  But I did it anyway.

I remember sitting on the stairwell of our apartment building, crying, and repeating over and over again in my head, "It's now or never."  Probably after the five hundredth time, it was finally embedded in my head, and I walked into our apartment, and ended it.  I decided, I wasn't going to allow him to hurt me anymore. 

Of course, the break wasn't smooth.  In hindsight, it seemed like it was worst because the words "it's over" was supposed to end any bad treatment from him, but it didn't.  And I didn't stop him.  Because the way he loved me was the only way I thought love was supposed to be.  And since I hurt him, I thought he had every right to hurt me even more.  

I know better.  Now. 

But I was scared then.  I was so scared on that stairwell.  And I was scared for days, weeks, and months after that.  Because every day without him was unfamiliar.  You see, no matter how unhappy he made me, it was familiar.  It felt safe. 

Yet, I trudged on this unfamiliar path, no matter how scared I was.  Tried my best to navigate my way.  Tried to create a new life.  Tried to find what I had lost or perhaps, what I never had but wanted.  

Walking away from a life that you worked so hard to build, even though it was a life that made you feel badly on most days, everyday, is very difficult.  And extremely scary.  But there's courage inside of you, and the first step in finding it is by doing what scares you the most: walking away.

You see, no one has the right to make another person feel badly.  Loving someone does not give them the right to hurt you.  I've learned that since.  And it breaks my heart every time I see someone stay in a relationship that just hurts them.  Relationships are hard, I know.  Not perfect because no two people are.  But when someone purposely, intentionally, hurts another.  That's just not right.  I hope you know that.  Because you deserve kindness, respect, and most of all, love.

So, please, be brave.     

photo: rosie hardy