at a lost

I'm at a lost. 

I should be working on my writing project, but nothing seems to be interesting right now.  All the words seem blah.  The scenes - boring.  The conflict - blah.  The characters - shallow.  Blah.  And I have to turn in ten pages by Sunday.  I can't even get through page one.  I look at the pages that I do have and they just seem blah. 

My lack of a better vocabulary than blah probably demonstrates my lack of creativity this morning.  I need to find a time when I write best.  That's what I've been told.  Try different times of the day, and see what works for you. 

When I was in college, I'd wake up and write at two a.m.  Or at three.  Those were the times that I wrote.  But if I did that now, it'd be hard to function at work.  I'm always rushing to get somewhere, try to beat the traffic.  Put myself in professional mode.  Dress the part.  Speak the part.  Shed myself of the person I was just a few hours ago.

Now that I'm writing again, I'm realizing how detached I was to my surroundings.  My attention to detail on my cases, on the reports I read, is precise - I notice the misspelled words, the change in voice, the date of the incident, the time, the properties that were seized, the names of every witness, the names of the officers.  I could recognize the slight differences from one report to another even though at first glance, they looked identical.

But, once I lifted my eyes from the pages, my attention to detail diminished somehow.  And it's only as of late that I'm realizing that - I'm noticing things around me that I'm sure was there before but somehow, I just never saw them.  The crack on the handle of my favorite "Love from New York" coffee cup.  The dust that have settled underneath my books.  The plants that have overgrown the pots I bought them in.  When did they grow?

Sometimes, I wonder, how much did I miss while I lived in the pages of my profession?

But, I guess, it's never too late to notice.  I realize that to be a writer, you have to be an observer.  You have to watch and know the world in order to describe it, or change the details of it.

I guess, that's my next assignment: to watch.  Pay attention.

Have a wonderful Friday, everyone!