Catching up

The year is quickly winding down, and I've been thinking a lot about my writing plans for the new year. I've been writing a lot more these days. I know I haven't been writing here, but trust me, I've been writing. On that note, I guess I should think about whether I'll continue with this blog since my presence here has become less and less, but honestly, I'm not quite ready to give up this space just yet. I like having it around, to go back to, and write at times like this - when I've had a long, long day and I just want to unwind. Check in with all of you because I've truly missed you!

So, this will be a catch-up kind of post. Full of random tidbits. Mostly a lot about what this year has meant to me because that's what has been occupying my mind lately. When I reflect back on a year, I like to think about themes. This year has been about tidying up, tying up loose ends, and closure. It has also been about finding my voice, and about finally knowing who I am and what I want. You see, I've known for a long time what it is I didn't want - in terms of my career, my personal life - but somehow, knowing what it was or is I did want took much longer to realize. I think it's because I had this idea of who I thought I should be, and that person wasn't always in line with who I am. When I finally let go of the idea, well, acceptance soon followed.

Now, as far as some of the things I learned this year ... I learned that:

What a person says about your relationships say a lot more about them than you.

I can push myself out of my comfort zone, if I really put my mind to it.

Training for a marathon is a lifestyle changer.

As much as I sometimes wish I was more fashionable, I'm quite

happy being basic. I just can't give up a comfortable pair of jeans and T-shirt.

Sometimes history is not enough to sustain a friendship.

Your gut instinct is almost, always, right. With that said, if something just

doesn't sit well in your stomach or gives you that "hmmm-question-mark" feeling, 

well, something is most likely wrong.

You'll know within five minutes of meeting someone whether you'll

want to see that person again.

Wasted talent is one without practice.

Peter Cetera got it right that "everybody needs a little time away ...

from each other/ even lovers need a holiday ..."

But real friendship, real love, can never be broken. 
Even when there's absence, a lapse of time. 
It can never be broken.

Life Lately

Day 15 of Blogtember: Life lately.

Life has been really busy.  But, I guess, that's nothing new.  I'm starting to remind myself of my former boss/mentor.  When I was working for him, every time I called or knocked on his door to ask a question, I'd first ask whether he was busy.  I remember that his customary response was "always."  Now, that's me.  When people asks me how I'm doing or what I'm up to, my response is always "busy."

But, I do hope that I'm also like my mentor in that even though his response was that he was busy, he never turned me away or asked that I call back.  He was busy, but he always made time to answer any questions or concerns I had, sometimes turning what was supposed to be a simple yes or no answer to a half hour conversation.  His advice to me when I first became a lawyer was to always make time for two things: family and vacation.

It's sometimes difficult to do but, I try to make time for the important events.  I try never to miss birthdays or family gatherings and church.  This past weekend my family went to Lake Arrowhead to celebrate my brother and sister-in-law's 10-year wedding anniversary.  It was a lot of fun, and hanging out with my family always reminds me of how blessed I am to have them around and near.  No family is perfect, and we definitely have our ups and downs, but overall, we're there for each other and always happy to celebrate each other's successes and good tidings.

And, let's see, another thing that's taking up a lot of my time because I don't think I'm busy enough - training for my first half marathon.  It's next month, and I'm really excited.  But, training does take a lot of time, planning, and dedication.  Training is teaching me a lot about patience - even though I've been running for awhile now, I couldn't expect myself to be a fast marathon runner over night.  Not even in a week, or two, or three.  But, with consistent training and determination, I've improved not only on time but I'm building up my stamina one mile at a time.  Again, it's really exciting!  Doing something that you couldn't imagine yourself being able to do feels amazing.  

But, training for a marathon (even a half one) can start taking a toll on your body.  And for someone who doesn't get enough sleep (me), it can be an even bigger toll.  So, I'm forcing myself to go to bed earlier.  I realized that today when I was really short with my client.  I realized that I was just exhausted (even after my weekend off), and it's not only because I have a tendency to overextend myself sometimes - lately with work and training - but I don't allow myself to rest.  By rest I mean sleep.  (Which I hardly got any this past weekend because we stayed up late both nights binging on horror movies - so worth it though.)  However, I paid for it today, dragging my feet and not really performing well on my run.  So, I promised myself that from now on, I need to really make time for sleep.  And with that said, I need to end this post, and go to bed.

Have a good night!

Week in food

Today's Blogtember topic is only photos.  So, I decided to do one with my week in food.  Please excuse the blurry pics, but these are taken from my phone and it doesn't always work well in dark places.  (And I just want to add that those chicken tacos was by far the best chicken tacos I've had in a long, long time.)

   

falling into place

This morning, this flower was closed.  Like a bud.  Amazing what a few hours can do.

I had a great weekend.  Last night, I got to see an old high school friend who I haven't seen in a few years.  I met up with her at Malibu Wines, and it was just nice to hang out, relax and catch up.  Our lives have gone on two completely different paths, but that's the special thing about friendship - it doesn't matter.  Once you share that bond, you'll always have it.  And talking to old friends always humbles me.  Gives me back the perspective that I, sometimes, lose.

I was reminded: Everything happens for a reason.  Life is not so bad, not at all.  Enjoy it!

And I will.  As much as I can.  I will.

Now, on a somewhat different note, I've been thinking a lot about this blog and what direction I want to take it.  What role it plays in my life.  I'm not quite sure right now, but I've decided that no matter what, I'll keep writing until I figure it out.  Things eventually fall into place.  The place that they should be.  So, let's see where this takes me.

own it | on seeing and describing the world as it had never been seen and described before

Yesterday was a complete sluggish of a day.  I think all of the activities of the past few weeks, on top of the mountain of work I've had to get through, just got to me.  I was exhausted.  Mentally and physically.  So, by two o'clock, I decided to stop pushing myself.  I surrendered.  Gave in to the exhaustion.  And allowed myself to rest.  

So, I watched Thursday's episodes of The Vampire Diaries and Beauty and the Beast.  Guilty pleasures are the best!  Then, I decided to go for a long walk around the neighborhood.  And take pictures.  As I took photographs to Mat Kearney playing on my iPod, this thought came to me: I used to be a poet.  

But, I haven't written a poem in a very long time.  

I remember telling a dear friend awhile back that writing a poem is not only about the words and how you structure them.  It's not about rhyming.  It's about feelings.  And to write a poem, you have to allow yourself to feel.  Allow yourself to go to this place deep inside of you that no one else has reached, and then pull yourself out of it and allow those feelings to roam around a world you'd never been to, but had always dreamed of and imagined.  It's about allowing yourself to see the world in such a way that had never been seen before.  Then, sharing it for others to see.  

And I realized that although I haven't written a poem, I have photographed poems.  And that there is no such thing as I used to be a poet.  I am a poet.  

I met this writer a couple of weeks ago, and she asked me what kind of story I was working on.  I told her I was trying to write a fiction novel.  She set me straight, and said there is no such thing as trying to write a novel.  You are writing a novel, she said.  Own it.  You are a writer.  It doesn't matter if you've never published a piece of work.  Or you never, ever publish a single word in your life.  You are a writer.  

And I am a poet.  

around the neighborhood | 04.19.13

on the real | choosing our commitments

I know I haven't been writing much these days, and haven't written anything close to profound in awhile.  I've had to make some choices lately ... choices about my time and what I do with it.  As much as I love blogging  and writing, I've come to realize that there are days (many days) when I just can't do it.  The time I used to dedicate to blogging (or my novel-writing) has been exchanged to either extra time in the office (see picture above - my life lately) or time to tend to a personal life if I want to make that a happy one.

"There are times when even the best of us have trouble with commitment and we may be surprised at the commitments we're willing to let slip out of our grasp.  Commitments are complicated.  We may surprise ourselves by the commitments we're willing to make.  True commitment takes effort and sacrifice.  Which is why sometimes we have to learn the hard way to choose our commitments very carefully."  (Grey's Anatomy)

Yes, I know, I just went there.  Quoting Grey's Anatomy.  Honestly, I'm not a fan of the show, but my cousin was a big fan and would encourage me to watch it.  I have to admit, they have great monologues.  Anyhow, on one of the times I caved to my cousin's pleadings, it was the episode this quote came from, and it stuck with me somehow.  I think it's because it's something I think about a lot.  And lately, I've been thinking about it a lot more.

Choosing our commitments.

Choosing my commitments is something that I pride in.  Because over time and many trial and errors, I've learned that not only are commitments complicated, but they also require time, energy, and a lot of work and sacrifice.  So, it has become important to me to be selective about the commitments I make.  I know sometimes it takes away from living spontaneously or grasping the moment or being swept away, but commitments should be lasting, and not fleeting.  And only time can tell when something is lasting.  Time has proven that the commitments I did choose carefully are still a part of my life.  And thus, the rewards have definitely been worth the sacrifice.  

I'm not ready to give up blogging yet.  I am still working and trudging along with my novel.  But, right now, until I can figure out where I can fit both in, they will have to take a limited time slot in my schedule.  I'll be back to it.  But, right now, life has thrown other things in the mix - things I've decided I want to commit to.  Let's see where it goes.  I can only pray that I've chosen wisely.

quote of the week

“You must be the person you have never had the courage to be. 

Gradually, you will discover that you are that person, 

but until you can see this clearly, you must pretend and invent.”

-Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes

It's amazing when things fall into place.  When you realize that everything you've been through was meant to happen, so you'd end up here.  Where you're meant to be.