Soundtrack: pieces of my heart

Today's topic for the Challenge is five songs or pieces of music that speak to you or bring back memories.  I love this topic since I have this visceral reaction to music.  It speaks directly to my heart.  And makes me realize things I was unaware of before.  Before I heard the song.  Feelings I didn't even know I had.  Or existed.

I used to collect soundtracks, and even though it has been a long time since I've actually bought one, I always pay attention to the music that they choose for particular scenes in television shows and movies.  When I'm working on my novel, I always go to music to inspire specific scenes or feelings.  I actually have a soundtrack specifically for writing time.  I have a soundtrack for my novel.  So, it's no wonder I have a soundtrack that traces the pieces of my heart.

Don't Know Why by Norah Jones

Reminds me of my last semester of law school, and picnic dinners in my barely furnished

apartment with the guy who taught me about being in love.

La Cienega Just Smiled by Ryan Adams

The summer of 2003.  Sometimes the best kind of love is the kind that takes you by surprise.

The Reason by Hoobastank

When things ended with that guy who taught me about being in love, I couldn't listen to this

song without burying my face in my hands and soaking it with tears.  I never thought a song

could break my heart as much as this one did.

Kite by U2

Reminds me that letting go doesn't have to mean that love is forever gone.

Every time I hear this song, it crushes my heart and restores it all at once.  It's amazing.


Myth by Beach House
The pain that comes with realization.
"It's never as it seems."

Okay, I'm cheating on this one and listing more than five because I need to include these songs:

So Cruel by U2

One of my most favorite U2 songs.  Inspires me to write because the lyrics just

rips me to pieces.  I wish I could write such brilliant poetry.

Yellow by Coldplay

Because I love Coldplay.  And every time I hear this song, I just fall in love.

Again and again.

What songs speak to you?

Happy

Day 14 of the Challenge!  Topic: ten things that make you really happy.  It was tough to limit it to ten, but here's mine:

From top left to right:

1.  My nephew and nieces.  Spending time with them makes me really happy.  I lose all concept of time and responsibilities.

2.  Dessert with friends.  Good conversation over ice cream - the best!

3.  A good book.  This is one of my favorite, and I'm so excited to read it again!

4.  Cloud-filled sky.  Makes me giddy with joy!

5.  Coffee (no mind that it's decaf), but sitting in a coffeehouse with a cup of coffee just makes me smile with satisfaction.

6.  A beautiful sunset.  What can I say?  I'm fascinated with the sky.

7.  Green smoothie in the morning while I read the news.  

8.  Cards from my grandma.  She never forgets an occasion.  I look forward to her cards every year, and when I receive them in the mail, I always find myself running up the steps to my apartment so I can sit down and read them.  They make me smile, cry and laugh all at the same time!

9.  New York.  Walking the streets of Manhattan.  This view.  

And yes, I know, I was supposed to list ten but my photo grid allows only 9 pictures, so number 10 has to have its own separate space, which works out since I couldn't find a photograph for this one.

10.  A rainy day(s) and cuddling on my couch watching marathons of my favorite TV show(s).  A piece of relaxation heaven.  

What makes you really happy?    

10 words

Today's Challenge is sell yourself in 10 words or less.  I always find this to be a very difficult question.  But, here's a try.

via weheartit

When I love, I love to the moon and back.

Move and keep moving

photo via Noukka Signe

Day 8 of Blog Every Day in May challenge: "a piece of advice you have for others."

Keep moving.  Physically.  Mentally.  When all else fails, dance, sing, scream, jump, do something.  Move.  Allow movement in your life and be open to change.

I agree with the whole idea of staying still.  Meditating.  And finding peace in quiet moments.  

But, I also believe, very strongly (if not more), in moving.  Moving your body and mind when your heart is so heavy and you just want to lie on the couch, ignore the phone, stare at the television, and try to forget the things that are weighing on you.  A short walk can turn a bad mood into a better one.  It reminds me that if I can make myself get up and move when my whole body and mind feels paralyzed and hopeless, then, I can overcome whatever it is that's making me feel that way.  Looking for the good when things are bad can change a negative state of mind.  

Sometimes, the job calls for me to spend all day looking and reading some pretty horrific things.  Disturbing things that people do to each other.  And when those things start taking a toll on me, I have these go-to photography websites (i.e. Beauty in Everything, Better Than Fine), where I look at happy and beautiful photographs to make me smile.  And they do remind me that there's a lot of beauty in this world.  They restore hope in me.  

And, when something is making me really sad, I go for a run.  Or I dance around my living room to Madonna or JT.  It beats lying on the couch or hiding under my covers hoping the negative feelings that are clouding me go away.  Moving, whether it be my body or my mind, makes me feel stronger.  Makes me feel I can overcome anything. 

    

Don't be afraid to move, shift course and allow change to come into your life.  

The thing(s) I'm most afraid of

It's Day 7 of the Challenge, and the topics seem to get a little tougher.  Or maybe, I'm just having a difficult time with this one.  Today's topic is "the thing(s) I'm most afraid of."  I guess, I could easily write about how I'm terrified of reptiles and mice, and how just writing that makes me squirm.  Or I could write about how I'm afraid of the dark and can't sleep with the lights off when I'm alone (I can't believe I just admitted that!).  Or I could write about how I'm terribly afraid that one day, I'll look back at my life and wished I had loved more.

I guess the reason I'm having just a tad bit of difficulty with this topic is because I spent a great deal of my life being afraid of many things.  And unfortunately, those fears kept me from pursuing some dreams and letting go of others.  Some things I'll probably always be afraid of and I have no problem with that.  I hate rats, mice and snakes.  They freak me out and I don't have any qualms with that.  I don't think my life will be incomplete just because the sight of them freaks me out.  

But, my fear of disappointments, failure and getting my heart broken again?  Well, those were bigger fears.  Crippling fears that I knew I had to overcome.

And I finally did.

Because I realized that there was something else I feared more.  Most-est.  And that's not loving enough.  Not living enough.  Not doing enough to be happy.  Not living each day to the fullest.  I didn't want to look back at my life and later regret the things I didn't do just because I was afraid ...

Afraid of rejection.  Afraid of getting my heart broken.  Afraid of making a mistake.  Afraid of being disappointed.

Because all of those things are a part of life.  A part of living.  I've been rejected, heartbroken, disappointed, and I've failed.  Many times.  And I will be rejected, heartbroken, disappointed and fail.  Again.  But, I rather know that I tried, and failed, then always wonder what if?  I rather give something my all and be rejected, heartbroken and disappointed, then later regret not doing more.  I rather know what's behind the doors ahead of me, then walk away because I'm afraid that what awaits me will later be a disappointment.  

I learned the hard way that regret can be much more agonizing and painful than someone breaking your heart.  Because when you fail to do or go after something you want due to fear, you're breaking your own heart.

 

What I do

Day 6 of the Blog Every Day in May Challenge: "If you couldn't answer with your job, how would you answer the question 'what do you do'?"

I love this question because as much as I do love my job, it's not all that I am and do.  So, when I'm not working (which, I know, is rare these days), I try very hard not to think or talk about work.

Well, then, what do I do other than work?  I create stories and memories.  Sometimes, the stories I create are entirely fictional and sometimes, they are inspired by my daily experiences with my nephew, my family and friends.

I collect stories and memories, as well.  I try to capture the treasures the world around me offers, whether it be a beautiful sunset or a blossoming flower or an adorable baby taking her first steps.  I believe there is a story to be told in everything around us, and if we take the time to look and notice, there is always something to smile about.  In fact, there are many things to smile about.

    
I'm a seeker and collector of those things.

in a nutshell: 250 words

I know I said that I have no time to write these days.  And so, what was my solution to that?  I decided to participate in Jenni's Blog Every Day in May challenge.  I know, I'm a little crazy.  But, I'm always up for a challenge.  So, here it goes.  The first day's topic is "the story of  your life in 250 words or less," which honestly, I always find very difficult to write.  So, I tweaked it a little.  Instead of a short autobiography, I wrote a "who I am" in 250 words. :)

Now, here's me in a nutshell:

I believe ice cream and balloons are the perfect combo for a fabulous, happy birthday.  Roses are beautiful, but daisies and I have a much deeper connection.  The Godfather is one of my all-time favorite movies.  The Godfather II is another top one on that list.  The two have pulled me through some very dark periods in my life.  Music has a way of shaking me to the core.  Want to evoke an emotional reaction from me?  Play a song.  U2 has forever changed me.  Over and over again.  I believe that every chapter in our lives should have a soundtrack.  With that said, mixed tapes (and/or CDs) can never go out of style.  Many, many years ago, I chose law school over a career in writing.  Now, I’ve made a career out of writing as a lawyer.  I’ve been told I’m an old soul.  One of my favorite pastimes is listening to people’s life stories.  My grandmother is my favorite storyteller.  My seven-year-old nephew is a very close second.  I’m horrible with remembering names, but I’ll remember your first boyfriend’s or ex-mother-in-law’s birthdays.  I’m a recovering coffee addict.  I still love the smell, and the taste, but unfortunately, I can’t have any of it.  Unless it’s decaf.  And well, if you’re a real coffee drinker, you know that decaf is not really coffee.  (The no-coffee is my self-imposed prescription for a healthy state of mind.  Maybe I’ll blog about it one day.)  And lastly, the sky makes me happy.