The thing(s) I'm most afraid of

It's Day 7 of the Challenge, and the topics seem to get a little tougher.  Or maybe, I'm just having a difficult time with this one.  Today's topic is "the thing(s) I'm most afraid of."  I guess, I could easily write about how I'm terrified of reptiles and mice, and how just writing that makes me squirm.  Or I could write about how I'm afraid of the dark and can't sleep with the lights off when I'm alone (I can't believe I just admitted that!).  Or I could write about how I'm terribly afraid that one day, I'll look back at my life and wished I had loved more.

I guess the reason I'm having just a tad bit of difficulty with this topic is because I spent a great deal of my life being afraid of many things.  And unfortunately, those fears kept me from pursuing some dreams and letting go of others.  Some things I'll probably always be afraid of and I have no problem with that.  I hate rats, mice and snakes.  They freak me out and I don't have any qualms with that.  I don't think my life will be incomplete just because the sight of them freaks me out.  

But, my fear of disappointments, failure and getting my heart broken again?  Well, those were bigger fears.  Crippling fears that I knew I had to overcome.

And I finally did.

Because I realized that there was something else I feared more.  Most-est.  And that's not loving enough.  Not living enough.  Not doing enough to be happy.  Not living each day to the fullest.  I didn't want to look back at my life and later regret the things I didn't do just because I was afraid ...

Afraid of rejection.  Afraid of getting my heart broken.  Afraid of making a mistake.  Afraid of being disappointed.

Because all of those things are a part of life.  A part of living.  I've been rejected, heartbroken, disappointed, and I've failed.  Many times.  And I will be rejected, heartbroken, disappointed and fail.  Again.  But, I rather know that I tried, and failed, then always wonder what if?  I rather give something my all and be rejected, heartbroken and disappointed, then later regret not doing more.  I rather know what's behind the doors ahead of me, then walk away because I'm afraid that what awaits me will later be a disappointment.  

I learned the hard way that regret can be much more agonizing and painful than someone breaking your heart.  Because when you fail to do or go after something you want due to fear, you're breaking your own heart.