life as of late

Busy. 

It's what I do when I'm happy.  It's what I do when I'm sad.  I keep busy.  But lately, I'm just keeping busy because I'm trying to make my dream come true.  And be a writer.  

And in doing that, I'm also busy embracing life.  I went out for a night in the city a couple of nights ago, and I fell in love. 

It's amazing what you discover by just opening your eyes.  When you open your heart. 

Love may just make its way in.   

Remembering our heroes

I had an amazing weekend.  But honestly, I feel a little weird saying that considering that this weekend is the ten-year anniversary of the 9/11 tragedy, when so many lives were lost, and we as a nation grieved for them.  But personally, I think it was also a time when heroes stepped up, and provided hope.  And it is because of those heroes that I thought why not just write about this amazing weekend? 

You see, there are many heroes in our lives although many of them are often unrecognized.  But this weekend, I remembered mine.  And I realized that God does place certain people in our lives, at the precise time when we need them, and those people become our heroes to help us through, and give us hope.

On Friday night, I went to see the Tchaikovsky Spectacular at the Hollywood Bowl.  And just to warn you, you'll probably see the word amazing on this post many times, but it was just AMAZING!  The moment the orchestra started to tell the story of Romeo and Juliet, I felt as if this huge, heavy drape that was over my body began to lift up.  And as the music got louder, intense, and then soften to a romantic melody, I felt the drape drop away from me, and my body was free.  At that moment, I felt every sound, every note, that came from the orchestra.  And by the time Swan Lake began, I was me again.  Me before the tragedies of my life happened.  And I remembered the girl who wasn't afraid to express herself.  The girl who wore faded jeans, peasant tops and mismatched shoes, and always had daisies or sunflowers (or both) in her hair, even when she was often reminded that she was in the wrong decade (and was so out of season).  The girl who took her oversized Keroppi to school, and made sure he had a seat next to her in class (and this was senior year of high school).  The girl who made tape recordings to declare and profess her love to her high school boyfriend.  The girl better known as the memory keeper.  And the girl who was not afraid to stand up for a cause, and speak her mind.  The girl who wanted to be a dancer, an actress, a writer and a lawyer, all at the same time.

The girl before the conglomeration of tragedies. 

You see, the unfortunate consequence of tragedies are these protective layers that start to hover over us .  And the more tragedies that come our way, that protective armor, those huge, heavy drapes, or big, stone walls, become so great that we get lost in them.  And eventually, forgotten.

I became lost in mine.  For a long time.
 
But something happened this weekend.  Maybe it was Tchaikovsky.  Or I've just been reading a lot of old letters and journals.  Or it's the 9/11 anniversary.  However, I realized that we all have our stories and we all have our tragedies, but the tragedies of mine are no longer relevant.  What matters is that I survived them.  Because tragedies happen and will happen, but what matters is what we do with those tragedies.  How do we respond?   Do we fold?  Or do we fight for our lives?  For our happiness?  Now, looking back, I realize that although I was battered, bruised and broken for a long time, I always had some hope.  And when that hope was diminishing, God placed people in my life, to remind me of it.  To give it back to me.  To believe in me when I didn't believe in myself.            

On Saturday night, I went to the Harvest Crusade at the Dodger Stadium.  It was the most humbling experience.  And I felt rejuvenated.  Found.  But most of all, grateful.  And blessed.  As Chris Tomlin sang Amazing Grace, I thought, yes, it's because of God's grace that I'm here.  Happy.  Really happy.

And like the wonder of life, today I came across a treasure.  As I was cleaning up boxes of old documents and letters and books, I came across a manila envelope with the word "Speech" written across it.  Inside were copies of my junior high newspaper with my bylines in them; my elementary school "yearbook" where "lawyer" was written under my ambition; cards from my Speech coach encouraging me to be a winner; and a college letter recommendation from my English teacher.  By the time I finished reading the letter, I was crying.  Because, like I said, life happened and it was not so nice at times, and the letter reminded me of how God placed people in my life to help me through my battles.  My English teacher wrote the letter as a second, special recommendation after I got rejected from the university I really wanted to go to.  I hand delivered that letter to the University head of admissions after sitting in the waiting area outside of his office all day.  I still didn't get into the school.

But I am a lawyer as I aspired.   

And I thank my heroes for that. 


 

Photo: Flavio

It's about time!

I once dated a guy with a kid.  And as much as he didn't know how to introduce a woman he's dating to his five-year-old son, I didn't know how to introduce a man I was dating to my six-year-old nephew. You see, although I don't have a kid of my own, my nephew is the center of my world.  He's my BFF.  And many times, when I look at him, listen to his fabulous stories and his laughter, I think, this is why I don't have kids.  If I did, I may not be able to have these moments, just as they are, with him.  Just me and him. 

One day, months ago, I tried to broach the subject of me and babies with him.  We were taking a walk, and he was telling me yet another fantastic story.  I asked him, do you want cousins?  He stopped walking, and looked up at me.  What do you mean? he asked.  Well, I told him, if I have a kid, then that kid will be your cousin.  He didn't say a word.  Continued walking.  Then, after a few seconds of silence, he told me a joke.  That was my clue that he didn't want to talk about it.     

This summer, I signed him up for a basketball league.  And every Monday, he goes to work with me, so I can take him to practice in the afternoon.  We start our day off with breakfast time at my desk, while I write his schedule for the day.  He likes to follow that schedule to a tee, thus, reading time does not start until exactly 9:30, and computer time does not start until exactly 10:30.  The best moments of my Mondays are when we just sit there at my desk, have breakfast, lunch and just talk.  I love hearing his stories.  He has the funniest, most amazing stories.

A couple of weeks ago, my cousin and her new baby daughter was at my mom's house.  As I was adoring the beautiful tiny baby, my niece asked her brother how he would feel if I had a baby.  My nephew thought for a moment, then he said, I'd be okay with it.  That'll be fine.  In fact, it's about time.  She's *** years old already!"  (He added a couple of years to my age!)  Then, after stating his approval, he stompered off, leaving everyone shocked at first, before bursting out in laughter.        

I didn't know what to say. 

He's still the center of my world.  And so, have to sign off and watch his basketball game this morning.  I promised myself that I was going to take advantage of every moment that I have with him.  Every moment that I have with him being the number one kid in my life.

I believe that being an aunt is one of the most wonderful jobs in the world.  (The closest thing to actually being a mom.)  Right now, it's my most favorite role.  :) 

Photo: Mamma Mia

lovely

Yesterday was just lovely!

Life is so much better when you love,

and allow yourself to be loved.

I got to spend time with those I wanted to spend time with.

And those I didn't see didn't seem too far away.

I am grateful.

Thank you!!!

<3 <3 <3

Photo: Ronaldo Cabuhat

Some things remain the same ...

... like my love for daisies.

I think they're beautiful.

Simple.  Lovely.

Yesterday was awesome!

I felt pampered and spoiled.

Relaxed.  Very relaxed.

I-just-want-to-nap-kinda-relaxed.

So, when I got home last night,

I decided to turn off my phone,

and just read.

No, I didn't work. 

I read through old emails between my cousin and I.

She lives in a different country, so we write.

A lot.  And so, I read emails from 2006.

I was being nostalgic. 

Like I said, birthdays do that to me.

And wow!  I was surprised how things have changed.

I have changed.  A lot.

I'm happy.

I guess, what hit me most was how my heart wasn't

broken anymore.  As I read words I wrote about

someone I loved and lost, I didn't feel anything.

Not longing, not missing, nothing.

And it wasn't the I-don't-want-to-feel-anything-for-him feeling.

I really felt nothing.  Not a pinch in my heart.

I didn't become overwhelmed with nostalgia about him and us anymore.

There was no reflecting.  Nothing.  The words I read

about love, loss and regrets became just words.

And, I really don't know when all of the feelings stopped.

But they did.

Over dessert, my dear, best friend said to me,

I think all of the broken hearts and disappointments

were meant to prepare you for something greater.

I've seen you love and give it your all.

You will do that again.

And the thing I realized last night,

is that things do change.  We change.

But in the midst of change, some things remain the same.

The people I laughed and cried with five years ago,

ten years ago, even twenty years ago,

are still the same people I laugh and cry with now.

And I know that we'll continue to laugh and cry together

until we can no longer stand straight.

Some things remain the same. 

No matter how life has changed us.

And as much I welcome and embrace change,

I also embrace those things that remain the same.

I also know now, that our ability to love

never dies.  It may go in hiding for awhile.

But it'll always be there.

Because broken hearts have the ability to heal.

Our hearts do get restored.

Put back to pieces.

And we can love again.

Today, I celebrate new beginnings.

And an amazing year ahead.

Photo: Kiwi GaL

The good life

Okay, I'm about to leave for my oh-so-relaxing (spoil me), spa-luxurious afternoon.  (And oh, it's such a beautiful day, too!)  But anyhow, before I sign off, thought I'd share this song - I've made it my official birthday (and life) theme song!

Happy Friday, everyone!  It is a good life!  Enjoy!

just let go!

I've officially started my weekend off.

Well, I decided to anyway.  A few hours early.

Funny how I can be so excited to be off

for the weekend.

Isn't that what a weekend is supposed to be for?

Some time off?

(Well, I really don't know how a full day off looks like anymore.)

(And honestly, I feel a little guilty because I should be

working.  You know, that BIG motion due in a few days.)

Then, I heard myself saying ...

encouraging, maybe even justifying ...

that I need this.  So, just let go!

For a few days.

Don't think about work

At.  All.

One of my dearest, best friends booked

us a massage and some calming/detoxing wrap

for this afternoon, followed by a lovely dinner.

She said, just escape.

Savor it.

You deserve it.

So, if she thinks I deserve it,

it's okay, right?

Well, I do feel less guilty.

(Maybe I'll be hitting myself on the head in a few days ...

but let's not look too far ahead.)

And what matters is right now.

This present moment.

And this present moment,

I'm clocking out.

Just looking forward to pure relaxation.

And lots of yummy food.

Sweet dessert.

Good conversation.

Great wine.

Hugs, kisses,

 and, of course,

 lots of laughter.

Isn't that what life is all about?

Photo: Caiti Borruso

lovin' it all!

Did you know that July is National Ice Cream Month?

No wonder I love ice cream!!!

Anyhow, I'm still a little tired from my two-day business trip.

But nothing yoga and a good hearty breakfast couldn't fix.

Now, I feel refreshed.

And guess what???

I got a raise!

Isn't that awesome?

I opened the envelope.

And there it was.

My pleasant surprise.

Things aren't bad.

Not at all.

Around this time last month

I was sorta heartbroken,

from what I can recall.

Remember?

But now, I'm just lovin' it all.

My life.  My friends.  My family.

Ice cream.

My job.

Chocolate.

Yoga.

My spinach and red onions omelet.

Home.

And that heart text message from a special someone.

Sometimes, we just have to ride out the bad.

And never lose sight of the big picture.

Never stop appreciating each moment

of our lives.

Good or bad.

But definitely enjoy the good.

Relish it.

Sometimes, bad things happen

to make us better appreciate the good.

Sometimes, we need to get our hearts broken

to recognize (and realize) what is really love.

By the way, my new blog obsession: food + words.

Love it!

Of course!

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

p.s. I'll be working.  And although I don't mind it so much, I'm in that so-happy mood that a BIG part of me wishes I just splurged, and took that weekend trip to the desert. :)  Besides, I did get a raise!  Oh well, I'll still enjoy this weekend for all it has to offer.  Smile! 

Photo: food + words

it's the little things

This looks deliciously splendid!

Makes me smile just looking at it.

Just what I need after a very exhausting two days!

Yes, it's been exhausting.

But an experience that I am grateful for.

I feel so grown-up all of a sudden.

(wink wink)

And something happened last night

that made me appreciate

how it really is the little things,

the simple things,

that mean a lot.

You see, I had the worst headache last night.

But although I was beyond exhausted,

it hurt too much to close my eyes.

Then, I got this text: "<3".

The last text I received for the night.

And it seemed to make my headache subside.

Because I was able to smile.

And I got this soothing, comforting feeling ~

the snuggling with a warm blanket and hot chocolate

kind of soothing, comforting feeling.

And sleep soon followed.

I actually slept very well.

It's the little things.

That heart was all I needed.

Photo: Always With Butter

a whole lotta sweetness

I had an amazing weekend!

For starters, 'twas my nephew's birthday weekend

so there was a whole lotta family ... and lovin'.

He wanted to go camping, so

(we) they went camping.

(Camping is not really my thing, so I visited, they camped.)

And I won something!

Not at the camping trip.

Last week, I entered a contest,

and got an email on Friday that I won!

Wow!  Okay, it's just a book and a box of biscotti

but still, it made me sooo happy!

I was just telling someone last week how I've never

won anything except a box of blotters when I went

to play Bingo with my grandparents for my 21st birthday.

(By the way, that was an awesome night!)

(This person I was talking to won a trip to Hawaii, thus, my comment.)

And, to end my weekend just ever-more sweetly,

a darlin' little girl went up to me while

I was waiting at Coffee Bean to tell me

she loved my toes (you see, I always have these elaborate

flower designs on them thanks to my amazing pedicurist.)

And how she liked my shirt.

And that she thought I was pretty.

Aww, she melted my heart.

I told her she was beautiful.

I know the above photo has nothing to do with this post,

but I have this obsession with food lately.

And it just looked so good ... and sweet.

So, well, that makes it very fitting.

Photo: ariane chan

happy

I love daisies.  I love its beautiful, charming simplicity.

Today, I am happy.

I got to spend time with my favorite, amazing, little man - my nephew.  And I was reminded how I love being an aunt.  Then, I had an afternoon date with my favorite young woman, my beautiful niece.  And, I thought, I'm really lucky.

You see, there is so much love.  Everywhere.

I just need to recognize it.  Hold on to it.  And never forget it.  

photo: Kim

i love awesome!

these heart-shaped, happy face flowers are pretty awesome.

yes, i'm promoting neil pasricha's book - the book of awesome.  i've had his blog saved on my favorites list for awhile now, but honestly, wasn't aware that the book had come out until a special someone and i walked into urban outfitters and he said, this book is pretty awesome.  so, he purchased it and we looked through it over coffee.  that's when i asked him, what do you think is awesome?

you see, i love awesome!  aside from amazing, it's my next favorite word.  so, i was really excited when i looked through the book.  because awesome things make me happy.  and it was exciting that someone (many people) out there feel the same way.   

sitting in coffee bean at that moment was ... pretty awesome.   

after my very difficult 2010, after losing loved ones unexpectedly and too soon, i vowed to always seek out happy and amazing (and awesome) things around me.  i've learned that despite heartache and loss and disappointment, there is always something to smile about ... if you only take the time to notice it (them).

did i mention that sitting in coffee bean, reading the book of awesome, with someone i was finding to be pretty awesome, was REALLY awesome (amazing)? 

that moment when you look at someone, and discover, awww i think like this, that is awesome.  an awesome feeling!

what do you find awesome?  let's make it a challenge.  write one awesome thing from your day.  for the next 30 days.  see what you discover.  what you learn. 

and if you want some ideas, check out neil pasricha's books: the book of awesome and the book of (even more) awesome.  Enjoy! 

i love awesome!  life is awesome!  you are awesome!

photo = mine :)