Hello, October!

October is one of my favorite months.  Maybe because I was conceived in October.  (Okay, not something I really want to think about, but there is something about this month that just speaks to me.)  The last couple of weeks have been ... sort of weird.  But, I believe God has a way of speaking to us in different ways.  And some of those ways can be through heartbreak or disappointments.  I might not always like the message or the lesson, but I trust that He knows better than I do.  And in many ways, that's comforting.  Because if I got everything I had wished or prayed for, my life may be a mess.  And not a beautiful one.

I heard that God has three answers for our prayers: yes, no, or not right now.  I've gotten a lot of "nos", but I have a feeling that it's because a big "yes" is waiting around the corner.  And I wouldn't recognize it, or appreciate it as much, if I hadn't gotten all those nos.

Anyhow, since October is one of my favorite months, is's no surprise that fall is my favorite season.  Although I'm slightly very disappointed I won't be making it to NY this fall, I thought I'd embrace the season here.  I think I'm meant to.

So, hello October!  I'm ready for a whole new season.
 

Don't Stop Believing

Turn your broken heart into a success story.  

God doesn't give you trials you can't handle.

Our bad days remind us to appreciate good ones.

That there will be a good one.  Many.

So this too shall pass.

In the meantime, go for that run.

Believe.

Life Lately

Day 15 of Blogtember: Life lately.

Life has been really busy.  But, I guess, that's nothing new.  I'm starting to remind myself of my former boss/mentor.  When I was working for him, every time I called or knocked on his door to ask a question, I'd first ask whether he was busy.  I remember that his customary response was "always."  Now, that's me.  When people asks me how I'm doing or what I'm up to, my response is always "busy."

But, I do hope that I'm also like my mentor in that even though his response was that he was busy, he never turned me away or asked that I call back.  He was busy, but he always made time to answer any questions or concerns I had, sometimes turning what was supposed to be a simple yes or no answer to a half hour conversation.  His advice to me when I first became a lawyer was to always make time for two things: family and vacation.

It's sometimes difficult to do but, I try to make time for the important events.  I try never to miss birthdays or family gatherings and church.  This past weekend my family went to Lake Arrowhead to celebrate my brother and sister-in-law's 10-year wedding anniversary.  It was a lot of fun, and hanging out with my family always reminds me of how blessed I am to have them around and near.  No family is perfect, and we definitely have our ups and downs, but overall, we're there for each other and always happy to celebrate each other's successes and good tidings.

And, let's see, another thing that's taking up a lot of my time because I don't think I'm busy enough - training for my first half marathon.  It's next month, and I'm really excited.  But, training does take a lot of time, planning, and dedication.  Training is teaching me a lot about patience - even though I've been running for awhile now, I couldn't expect myself to be a fast marathon runner over night.  Not even in a week, or two, or three.  But, with consistent training and determination, I've improved not only on time but I'm building up my stamina one mile at a time.  Again, it's really exciting!  Doing something that you couldn't imagine yourself being able to do feels amazing.  

But, training for a marathon (even a half one) can start taking a toll on your body.  And for someone who doesn't get enough sleep (me), it can be an even bigger toll.  So, I'm forcing myself to go to bed earlier.  I realized that today when I was really short with my client.  I realized that I was just exhausted (even after my weekend off), and it's not only because I have a tendency to overextend myself sometimes - lately with work and training - but I don't allow myself to rest.  By rest I mean sleep.  (Which I hardly got any this past weekend because we stayed up late both nights binging on horror movies - so worth it though.)  However, I paid for it today, dragging my feet and not really performing well on my run.  So, I promised myself that from now on, I need to really make time for sleep.  And with that said, I need to end this post, and go to bed.

Have a good night!

Week in food

Today's Blogtember topic is only photos.  So, I decided to do one with my week in food.  Please excuse the blurry pics, but these are taken from my phone and it doesn't always work well in dark places.  (And I just want to add that those chicken tacos was by far the best chicken tacos I've had in a long, long time.)

   

"you made a difference"

Day 6 of Blogtember: Describe a distinct moment when your life took a turn.



My life has taken several turns, most of which I don't really want to write about because they are quite heavy and deep, and I wanted to stray from some serious stuff for awhile.  So, I decided to skip this prompt and just move on to some light matters like online shopping (tomorrow's prompt).  Then, during my run earlier at my old high school tracks, I was reminded of a distinct moment in high school that turned my life around for the better.  Although it includes some serious and slightly heavy content, I decided that it's something worth sharing, not for me, but the man who changed my life and to this day, I thank every time I'm reminded of how my life could have been.

The moment was during my junior year of high school.  Up until then, I spent a lot of time trying to be the "bad kid."  The rebel.  The poor, mediocre student.  There were a lot of things going on in my young life, and I was not very happy.  I took it out on random people around me, but most of all, I took it out on myself.

Then, one day, after missing several classes in a row, my counselor said to me: "Your education will be your freedom from this life."  By "this life" he was talking about the things in my life that made me feel trapped and miserable.  He told me that my education will be my key to living the kind of life I wanted, and that with it, I would never have to depend on anyone or anything.  Mr. Higgins words' struck me, and thereafter, I worked extra hard to get my grades up.  I joined clubs at school and even started one of my own.  I did everything I could to make sure I graduated from high school with good enough grades and a number of extracurricular activities to get into college.

I never forgot Mr. Higgins' words.  I carried them with me throughout college, especially during times when I thought it would be easier to just fail or drop out.  His words stayed with me during the dismal days of law school.  But, I believe his words did more than just encourage me to graduate from high school, and pursue higher learning.  His words became my guiding light whenever I was tempted to go astray.

I haven't seen or spoken to Mr. Higgins since my high school graduation.  And although I gave him a card then with a long letter thanking him for everything he had done for me - for all the lunches he missed listening to me whine and cry in his office - I still wish I could let him know now that he really made a difference in my life.  I think sometimes teachers and counselors are not appreciated enough.  There are really amazing ones out there, and they do make a difference in their students' lives.  That's why I love Glee.  I know, I'm back there again with that show, but I do love it because it's not only a show about the students but also about the teachers and counselors who touch the students' lives.  It shows how we're a cause and effect on each other.  Teachers and students learning from one another.

Anyhow, I know I've said this before, but I will say it again and again: I was blessed with really amazing teachers and counselors.  Mr. Higgins was one of them.  I want to thank him wherever he is, and say: you made a difference.

 

The time I could've died because of pizza

Day 4 of Blogtember: A story about a time you were very afraid.

It was a hot Sunday afternoon.  My family and I just returned from a camping trip, and stopped by Pizza Hut on the way to my dad's.  It was one of those take-out only stores, and so, after we ordered our pizza, we waited in the car.  Everyone was feeling lethargic and hungry and in so need of a shower.  Needless to say, we were all quite cranky.

After 15 or so minutes, my dad told me to check on the pizza.  I grudgingly stepped out of the car into the scorching heat, and dragged my feet to the store.  When I got to the door, I realized it was locked.  I peered through the glass and didn't see anyone inside.  So, I knocked.  I knew the store could not have closed in the last 15 minutes.  They couldn't.  We didn't have our pizza yet!  After I knocked a few more times, I saw the cashier who took our order get up from underneath the counter.  Then, I watched her walk to the door.  She opened it, and told me to come in.

"Is our pizza ready?" I asked.

"Come in," she said again.  "Please."

I sensed that something was wrong.

"Just come in," she said for the third time.

"I just want our pizza," was my response.

Then, I saw a shadow appear behind the counter.  I could tell it was of a tall man, who was undoubtedly holding a shotgun pointed towards the cashier and me.

"Get your (bleep) (bleep) in here, you (bleep)!" the tall shadow yelled.

"Please come in," the cashier said to me.

"No," I said, without taking my eyes off the shotgun.

The man was no more than 20 feet away, but he was a blur to me.  The gun was another story.  I thought, if I went inside, I could die.  He could shoot me, and I could die.  But if I refused, he could still shoot me, and he was close enough not to miss.

The shadow continued to yell obscenities and threats.  He was going to shoot if I didn't come in.

"No," I told the cashier, who pleaded with me to just listen to the orders behind her.

Then, as the man with the shotgun continued to threaten me, the brave cashier pushed me and ran out of the store.  Everything after that was a blur.  I don't know how I got from standing outside that Pizza Hut door to the front seat of our car, but I did.  And when I finally realized where I was, I just kept touching my arms and face to make sure I was really there, safe in the car, and not dead.  Then, I started hearing annoyed voices asking me what was going on and where was the pizza.  I didn't think I could feel so grateful for being barraged with complaints by my cranky brothers and tired dad.

I later learned that the cashier had spotted a police car driving by, so she pushed me out of the way, ran out of the store and waved for the police to stop.  The police interviewed me afterwards, but I never saw the man's face.  He was just a shadow with a big shotgun.

The whole incident couldn't have lasted more than five minutes, but I was really afraid.  On the bright side, no one got hurt (the man ran out through the back of the store without shooting anyone), and we got free pizza.    

A useful advice + a short confessional

Day 3 of Blogtember: Pass on some useful advice or information you learned and always remembered. 

Hi, my name is Mae, and I'm a Felicity fanatic.

Please don't judge me by this, but the thing that came to mind when I thought about writing this post was Felicity.  The TV show.  I think I've said it here before (or at least alluded to it) that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that show.  In the present tense.  It doesn't matter that it ended eleven years ago.  I own the DVDs for all four seasons (and have watched it more times than I want to admit).  And now with Netflix, I don't even need to be at home to watch it.  

Okay, I know it seems like I'm digressing but bear with me.  There is a point to this that addresses today's topic.  I promise.  But first, I have the need to give a little background story.

The four years the show aired was the four years I lived with my college/post-college/beginning of law school boyfriend.  Ex, now.  We moved in together a couple of weeks after Felicity first aired, and I moved out five months after the show ended.  And it wasn't an easy relationship - my ex and I.  Living together made it even tougher.  But, Felicity got me through those four years.  (Don't worry, I didn't stay in a bad relationship because of the show.  The timing was just impeccable.)  I never missed an episode - even when I was in law school and hardly watched any television - I watched Felicity.  I lived vicariously through her (yes, I know, she's a fictional character - let's forget that part).  But, I thought she was living my dream, and when times were bad with the ex, I escaped to Felicity's world.  It was my therapy, and a very affordable one.

Okay, now that I'm done with the background story, here's the advice that I got from the show - that stuck with me: "Don’t throw away an opportunity to become a more interesting person out of fear."

That advice was given to Felicity by her counselor, Dr. Pavone (my favorite chain-smoking character).  If you're not familiar with the show, let me offer some context (don't worry, if you want to watch the show, I won't give away what happened after).  So, here it goes: Felicity just got back together with Ben (her soul mate, love of her life, the guy she followed to New York), and was excited about spending the summer with him in Palo Alto (where they are both from).  But, her art history professor offered her an internship to work at a museum in New York (it was supposed to be a once-in-a-lifetime-kind-of-opportunity), which meant, she wouldn't be with Ben, who had a summer job waiting for him in Palo Alto.  And that's when Dr. Pavone said, "Don't throw away an opportunity to become a more interesting person out of fear."  "Fear?" Felicity asked.  "Of losing Ben," Dr. Pavone answered.

So, that's the advice that stuck with me.  

Because, you see, I had an opportunity to study in Spain for a semester during my senior year of college.  I didn't go.  I'm ashamed to admit, I was afraid to lose my boyfriend.  The same boyfriend I had a "not-so-easy" relationship with.  I won't dwell too much on that, but let's just say, I regretted not going.  I regretted it for a long, long time.  And when times were especially hard with him, I resented him for it.  Yes, that wasn't fair, but I really wanted to go to Spain.  So, when Dr. Pavone gave Felicity that advice, it struck a chord with me.  

Felicity's response was: "That’s not why I turned down the internship. I just, I’m choosing to be with Ben. That’s just what I want to do this summer."

And that's when Dr. Pavone told her: "An opportunity like this internship does not come around very often and if you and Ben are gonna work this out, and I hope you do ‘cause I love that kid, then you’ll be there for each other long after this opportunity has come and gone. That’s what love is about."

I wish someone had told me that.  (Dr. Pavone's advice came a couple years too late for me.)

But that's why after my ex and I broke up, and well, after I took the Bar exam (because I had to do that first), I went to Spain.  I spent a month in Europe, and went to all the places I had always wanted to go to.  At the time I was seeing someone, and again, it was new, we were at this pivotal point in our relationship, and I was scared that if I went away for a month, he'd forget me.  I know, he thought that was silly, too, but I couldn't help it, I was afraid of that.  But, I was also afraid that if I didn't go, and I didn't go on my own (meaning without him - the new guy), I'd regret it.  So, I went.

And, so did he.  But apart.  

And it was the best decision I made.  I don't think, in fact, I know, it had nothing to do with why we're not together right now.  That's a whole other story.

So, don't throw away an opportunity to become a more interesting person out of fear.  It speaks volumes, right?  Take risks.  Live life.  What is meant to be will be.  

Here's a picture of my friend and I in Spain that summer.

Excuse my outfit and tired eyes.

But, we looked, and were, very happy.

And that's what matters, right?

What advice has stuck with you?

Felicity photo via

NYC, here I come!

Day 2 of Blogtember: If you could take three months off from your current life and do anything in the world, what would you do?

I seriously had too much fun with this topic!  I've been thinking about it ever since the Blogtember topics list came out.  There's just so much I would love to do if I could take time off from my current life: run around the green hillsides of Ireland, stroll the cobblestone streets of Oxford, read a book at a cafe in Paris, ride a gondola in Venice, go bike riding in Amsterdam, wine tasting in Tuscany and eat lots of gelato in Rome.  But, as those dreams bounce around in my head, there's one place that my mind (and heart) just keeps going back to - New York City.

I've always wanted to live in Manhattan.  There is something about the energy of the city that speaks to me.  Then, last year, I stayed in Brooklyn for a week and immediately fell in love.  So, if I could take three months off to do anything in the world, I would go to NYC.  Alternate between living in a Manhattan penthouse apartment and a Brooklyn brownstone.  Where I'll write, write, and write.  Both places stimulate my psyche and imagination in different ways, and when I'm there, I just want to soak up everything, and then, describe it to the world.

Then, when I'm not writing, I want to have dinner parties in the rooftop garden of the fabulous apartment I'll be staying at, listen to live music at a cafe, sit quietly at the Met, and read a book in the center of Washington Square Park.

I want to wake up early in the morning and run across the Brooklyn Bridge.

Or around Battery Park.

Or get lost in the crowd in Central Park.

I want to spend afternoons sitting next to a friend and looking at this view.

Or this.

Or under this massive tree.

And some days, I may just want to escape it all, and take the ferry to Staten Island:

So, that's what I would do (and so much more) if I had three months to do anything in the world - I would live in NYC and fall in love every single day.

What would you do?
 

A tribute

It's Day 1 of Blogtember, and today's topic is to describe where or what you come from - the people, places and factors that make you who you are.

I didn't think this would be such a difficult topic to write about since I'm always writing about myself, right?  This blog is pretty much an encyclopedia of where or what I come from.  And I've been documenting my life for a long while.  See those journals above?  That's not even half of what I've written about me, me, me.

Now, I feel really self-centered.  I should really think of other things to write about.  But, I guess, since I'm participating in this challenge, that will have to wait.  For now, I have to stay with the topic at hand, which again, I found quite difficult to answer because well, I didn't know where to start.  There are so many people and places and factors that have made me who I am.      

I'm a believer that we're consistently becoming.  Evolving to the person we are meant to be.  I believe that I'm a culmination of the people who have touched my life, the places I have been to, and the experiences and lessons I've learned from all of them.  So, I think the best way to describe where or what I come from is to pay tribute to some of the significant people in my life:

Foremost, I thank God for blessing me with some pretty amazing people.  For parents who sacrificed their own comforts when they immigrated to the U.S. with very little, but with much hopes and dreams.  Parents who were young and imperfect, but loved my brothers and I more than my young, rebellious teenage self ever realized.  For grandparents who were like second parents to me, and always gave me comfort and guidance whenever I needed them.  For teachers and counselors who went over and beyond and out of their way to make sure I never strayed too far from the line.  For childhood friends who taught me the meaning of enduring and everlasting.  For my brothers and sister - for being the constants in my life and being the best parts of me.  For my nieces and nephew, who have taught me the meaning of unconditional love and true joy.  

I haven't lived in too many different places, but have traveled quite a lot.  Ten years ago, I traveled around western Europe for a month, and one day, I'd love to write about how that changed me.  It was the start of a major shift in my life.

I've also loved hard and had my heart broken quite a few times.  I think I write about them quite often, so I won't dwell too much on them here except to say that as painful as broken hearts can be, I'm grateful for them because I think they've helped me become a better person.

So, that's my short tribute.  I could really go on and on, which makes me feel even more blessed and grateful for this life.  Because although it can sometimes be tough, painful, sad and filled with trials, there is always something to be grateful for.  Sometimes, all it takes is a moment to sit still and recognize the good.  There's always good to be found even if they're not always that way or didn't start out that way.  There's always good.

Hello, September!

I can't believe it's September already.  I think I say that every month, but this year is really just breezing by way too fast.  Anyhow, sorry for the short absence, but after my weekend work-marathon, I just felt exhausted - mentally.  So, writing was the last thing I wanted to do at the end of the day.  But, I'll be participating in Jenni's Blogtember challenge, so I'm hoping to get in some good blog time this month.  For those of you who are interested in joining, the link is on the side of my page and below.  Now, here are the daily topics (we have weekends off for this challenge):      

Tuesday, Sept. 3: Describe where or what you come from. The people, the places, and/or the factors that make up who you are.

Wednesday, September 4: If you could take three months off from your current life and do anything in the world, what would you do? (bonus points for fun photos from Pinterest, but don't forget to cite the source!)

Thursday, September 5: Pass on some useful advice or information you learned and always remembered. 

Friday, September 6: A story about a time you were very afraid.

Monday, September 9: Take this short personality test and respond to your results. (at the end, find the detailed profile of your personality account - click "click to view" under "You" and "self awareness and personal growth." You can even google your type and find more info on it!)

Tuesday, September 10: Describe a distinct moment when your life took a turn.

Wednesday, September 11: Share links to your favorite online shops, preferably with a few photos of your favorite items in each shop.

Thursday, September 12: Discuss ways that blogging or social media has changed you.

Friday, September 13: A self portrait

Monday, September 16: Write a public love letter to someone in your life. (It doesn't necessarily need to be romantic.)

Tuesday, September 17: A memory you would love to relive.

Wednesday, September 18: Only photos

Thursday, September 19: Creative writing day: write a (very short) fictional story that starts with this sentence: "To say I was dreading the dinner party would be the understatement of the century."

The story does not necessarily need to have a conclusion - you can leave your readers wishing for more!

Friday, September 20: React to this term: comfort. 

Monday, September 23: A "life lately" post. What you're up to, how you're feeling, how you're doing on your goals, etc. Bonus points for great photos!

Tuesday, September 24: Review a book, place, or product.

Wednesday, September 25: Write about a time you screwed up - a mistake you made. 

Thursday, September 26: Go to a coffee shop. Order a favorite drink. Write about what makes you happy and what makes you sad. Or write about anything you'd like! Bonus points for including a photo from the coffee shop. (I recommend downloading Ommwriter and bringing headphones along!) *if you can't make it to a coffee shop, at least leave your usual space and write someplace new.

Friday, September 27: An anonymous letter to your Facebook friends. Be as snarky as you'd like. (but don't include people's real names.) 

Monday, September 30: Share a photo of something old. Maybe something that has personal history for you, that was passed down to you, and that has special meaning to you. Tell us about it and why it's special.

 

Well, I'll see you all on Tuesday!  Hope you are having a wonderful Labor Day weekend!  

It doesn't take much to make me happy ...

As I alluded to in my last post, I had a crazy busy week (and weekend) ahead of me, when I wrote the post because now, it's behind me, but oh well .... I apologize in advance if this becomes a rambling mess of a post, but I should really be sleeping right now because I literally worked 28 hours this weekend.  Is that even possible?  Well, I've proven that it is.  But, I guess, other people probably work more than that (for example, doctors), and I've actually worked more than that when I first started practicing ... but I haven't in a really long time, so I'm giving myself some kudos for doing so.  On a beautiful weekend, too, when friends were relaxing out in the sun.

But anyhow, I learned a lot this weekend (other than legal concepts, that is).  One, it doesn't take much to make me happy (thus, the title of my post).  Because despite being stuck indoors in front of the computer, reading and typing away, analyzing case law and statutes and all those good stuff, I felt happy.  Again, is that possible?  Happy working my (bleep) off?  Again, I've proven (to myself) that it is.

Here's my last few days in a nutshell ... it may give you an idea of just how much I enjoyed all of this stuff.  Maybe my friends will be just as jealous as I was a tad bit whenever I took a few seconds (ahem) to check on Facebook and live vicariously through them.  I know, jealousy is not a good trait to have but no worries, I really don't have a strong jealousy gene (past boyfriends actually complained about this - crazy, I know!).  So, before I digress again, here was my weekend in a (picture) nutshell:

Remember my makeshift office space?  Remember how neat it was a few days ago?

Well, by Saturday morning, it looked like this.  Notice the sunlight in this picture, too.

And the Jamba Juice by my laptop (side).

Fourteen (14) hours later, I was still there.  No sunshine, but still with Jamba Juice by my side.

       Then, on Sunday, I moved to my actual office.  This is actually how it looked this morning.

Again, this may make me sound a little nuts, but looking at this makes me happy.

Because that FedEx box you see there?  That means I finished.  

And it was sent to be filed.  Yay!

This I saw when I pulled into a parking space at Staples (the office store).  I know, it's not as exciting as going to watch a basketball game or a Coldplay concert (at the Staples Center), but seeing this as I pulled in really made me happy.  Doesn't it look lovely?  Just puts a smile on my face.

After I sent the briefs off to be filed (and made sure it was not rejected), 

I took care of a few administrative office stuff, then, went home early.  

But, before actually going home, I had to stop by Jamba Juice for their 

Back-to-School special sale.  You see a pattern here?  

Yes, I love Jamba Juice!  And my favorite is what is probably 

their most fattening smoothie: the Peanut Butter Moo'd.

I know I can make the smoothie at home, 

but nothing like someone else making it for me.

And for $2?  I'll take it!

(Again, I was very happy!)

  

I didn't plan on running today because I just felt exhausted.  Even with the smoothie and all that sugar,

my energy level was at a negative zero.  But, after half an hour of lounging on my couch, I

decided to watch Flashdance.  (You see, I wanted to be Jennifer Beals when I was a kid.  I used to

dance around and try to copy her popular dance routine.  Of course, I didn't know that

her character was also a stripper in the movie (I didn't know what a stripper was), but, anyhow,

I watched Flashdance.  And afterwards, I wanted to dance.  But, instead, I went out for a run.

And I'm glad I did because just look at that gorgeous sky!  

Again, I'm obsessed with the sky.  I'm one of those camera-happy people that pulls out their cell phone 

(if I don't have my camera) every time I see something that excites me (which is probably every five seconds).  Here I am pulling out my cell phone in the middle of a run.

But, just beautiful, huh?

This picture (and my amateur photography skills) doesn't do it justice.

But again, just looking at this made me very happy.

It was a happy day.

Hope you had a happy Monday, too!

how to be productive when working from home (esp. when you have a deadline)

1.  Setting up the work space is really important, especially if you don't have a separate in-home office like me.  My kitchen table has become my makeshift office, so it's where I set up all my essentials to set the mood for productivity.  Soft lighting, scented candles, and Enya are conducive to effective writing for me.  

2.  Before I get started with a major task, I usually try to get tempting distractions out of the way.  I review emails, check Facebook, and read blogs or my favorite on-line magazine.  I've also found that once I've satisfied my creative appetite, I'm more apt to work efficiently on the more tedious tasks (like work).

3.  And of course, breakfast is important because otherwise, I wouldn't have the energy to tackle my to-do-list and that brief I should have started on and finished last week.  So, I usually multi-task between reading emails and eating.  I've been addicted to bagels and lox lately (so bad for me!).  

4.  Then, when my motivation starts running low, I have these reminders around to keep me going.

Learn not to procrastinate.  Write the brief today.  And hope that it's done by tomorrow.

Then, sometimes, I just get straight to the point.

5.  All work and no play can make me really cranky, so I allow myself some outdoors time.  I need fresh air, too, so it's actually beneficial to my health.

6.  These days, play time for me means running.  It also allows me to clear my head, so not only does it do my body good but it's essential for my sanity, as well.    

7.  And running outdoors provides me with the opportunity to enjoy the beautiful night, and actually see the gorgeous moon.

 8.  I'm obsessed with this moon.

9.  Then, once I had some play time, got to clear my head, eat a big dinner (because running makes me really hungry), and take a nice warm shower, I have renewed energy to burn the midnight oil and work for a couple more hours. 

Yes, back at it again.

nostalgic spell

Ten years ago today, I was strolling around Spain, perhaps Barcelona, and well, in that case, I was probably not walking around the city but partying with some really hot Dutch men in some hole-in-the-wall bar.  It seems like a lifetime ago.  I don't even remember that person anymore - the ten-years-ago-me.  I remember the Dutch guy very well, except his name.  I don't know if I ever got his name.  Okay, I've digressed ...

I've been reminiscing.  Maybe because of my Friday-night-that-turned-into-Saturday-morning outing.  I had not done that in a very long time.  Stayed out until 4:00 a.m.  I was very tired on Saturday.  I actually slept in.  All morning.  But, I had to go out again all afternoon.  And then, worked until midnight.  I wasn't very kind to myself.

Anyhow, I just wanted to post this sunset picture I took in Ibiza during my European adventure ten years ago.  It's not very clear because I had to scan it, but I think you get the idea - of just how beautiful that sunset was.  That was taken on our last night in Ibiza, when we stayed out all night (again) - watched the sun set and rise.  Then, had to rush to the airport for our flight to Rome.  We passed out in the plane.  Those were great younger years.  I think if I tried to do a 30-day European adventure now, where I hardly slept and was on the go to a different city every three days, it would take me two months to recover.  I guess, that's what our youths are for.  To have those wonderful, crazy adventures.  (Not to say we can't do it when we're older ... I just think it becomes a tad more tamed.)        

Okay, I better go to bed early ... I need to be productive tomorrow!

Love yourself

Just had to re-post this quote that Anna posted:

And kid, you’ve got to love yourself.  You’ve got wake up at four in the morning, brew black coffee, and stare at the birds drowning in the darkness of the dawn.  You’ve got to sit next to the man at the train station who’s reading your favorite book and start a conversation.  You’ve got to come home after a bad day and burn your skin from a shower.  Then you’ve got to wash all your sheets until they smell of lemon detergent you bought for four dollars at the local grocery store.  You’ve got to stop taking everything so damn personally.  You are not the moon kissing the black sky.  You’ve got to compliment someones crooked brows at an art fair and tell them that their eyes remind you of green swimming pools in mid July.  You’ve got to stop letting yourself get upset about things that won’t matter in two years.  Sleep in on Saturday mornings and wake yourself up early on Sunday.  You’ve got to stop worrying about what you’re going to tell her when she finds out.  You’ve got to stop over thinking why he stopped caring about you over six months ago.  You’ve got to stop asking everyone for their opinions.  F--- it.  Love yourself, kiddo.  You’ve got to love yourself.

Unknown via Writer's Vineyard

I had quite a busy weekend.  And hardly any sleep.  So, once I recover, I may or may not write about it.  In short (just in case I don't write about it), I had a great time!  ;)  Hope you all had a great weekend, too!  And a fabulous week ahead.

on repeat

This song seriously gives me chills. 

Still so in love with it.

I've been feeling good all day.

Just excited and happy.

About what?  I don't know.

Just because.

It's Wednesday.

What better reason could there be!

But, seriously, if I didn't have to sit in my office,

reading and typing away on some legal memorandum,

I'd be dancing and singing around at some inconspicuous dive bar.

Wait, I think that's what I'm doing tonight!

Okay, save the dancing and singing and inconspicuous dive bar part.

But, I am going out.

On a school work night.

My friends will be proud.

Hey, I'm proud of myself.

Will let you know how I do.

Happy Wednesday!

writing through frustration

Thought I'd share this short video because well, I saw it today and it made me feel better.  It made me feel less alone and freakish as I go through the challenges and frustrations in writing this novel.  The goal, of course, is to tell the story and in the process, hopefully become a better writer.  But, achieving that goal can be darn difficult.

Writing is not always easy.  In fact, I don't think it's ever really easy, which makes me wonder why I love it so much.  Sometimes, I think I'm just a glutton for punishment.  But, then, last night, as I was working on the umpteenth draft of the same scene, I had this feeling come over me - a giddy happy feeling that there was nothing else I would rather do at that moment but be frustrated with what I was doing.  In that case, flailing my arms around while I acted out the scene of my story.  (I gave up writing in coffee shops because I usually speak while I write.  I need to hear the words spoken aloud from the page, and in doing that, I end up acting out the scene.  I'd be mistaken as a crazy woman if anyone witnessed my writing system, so I prefer to do it in the privacy of my own home.)  Anyhow, I couldn't be such a glutton for punishment if what I'm doing makes me happy, right?

I ended up changing the same scene again tonight.  I know, I told myself I wouldn't do that because otherwise, I'll be working on the same scene for another six years!  But, I am pretty happy with the new changes, so I promise to move on tomorrow.

And the goal is to finish a draft of the novel this year.  No more excuses, I told myself.  I know I've been saying this for the last couple of years, and I'm just tired of repeating myself.  So, I'm going to use this blog to document my journey through this novel writing.  Keep me accountable.  Tomorrow, I'm going to write about juggling a career (with my own business) and trying to fulfill another dream (writing my novel).  With both, time is my best friend and worst enemy.  But, working with time is the only way to do both.  It's a process that is constantly changing, so, I have found that it's important to be flexible and forgiving.  Check back with you tomorrow.  I have some Glee-watching before going to bed!
 
(Here's a free writing tip: If all else fails, sing!)

falling into place

This morning, this flower was closed.  Like a bud.  Amazing what a few hours can do.

I had a great weekend.  Last night, I got to see an old high school friend who I haven't seen in a few years.  I met up with her at Malibu Wines, and it was just nice to hang out, relax and catch up.  Our lives have gone on two completely different paths, but that's the special thing about friendship - it doesn't matter.  Once you share that bond, you'll always have it.  And talking to old friends always humbles me.  Gives me back the perspective that I, sometimes, lose.

I was reminded: Everything happens for a reason.  Life is not so bad, not at all.  Enjoy it!

And I will.  As much as I can.  I will.

Now, on a somewhat different note, I've been thinking a lot about this blog and what direction I want to take it.  What role it plays in my life.  I'm not quite sure right now, but I've decided that no matter what, I'll keep writing until I figure it out.  Things eventually fall into place.  The place that they should be.  So, let's see where this takes me.

on writing + passion and love

What my evenings look like.

I've come to realize that heartache is my muse.

Not a great muse, but my muse nonetheless.

I'm determined to finish this novel.

It is taking much too long, but it has been an insightful journey.

I've learned a lot about myself in this process.

And I know that there are still much more to be learned.

Our passions don't ever die.

They may become dormant for awhile,

but they are there waiting to be awakened.

That's love.

You can't give up on it

Because no matter how dim it has become,

you know it's there.  It's in you.

You just have to realize it.

birthday celebration begins

Spent a relaxing Sunday afternoon reading and enjoying a delicious frozen

hot chocolate drink.  Of course, it would have been nice if

I was at the JT and Jay-Z concert, but having dinner 

with friends was a wonderful second (first) best.

After dinner, we walked over to Piccomolo for gelato.

Delish!

Now, I've been thinking a lot about time and age.  Getting older.

At first, I was really dreading it.  Well, okay, I still dread it a little

(maybe a lot on some days).  But, after last night, I realized, I

really wouldn't want to be that young again ... meaning, high school

or even college or law school in my mid-twenties.  

I guess, for me, it was stressful times in my life.

Not to say that I don't get stressed out now or 

my difficulties have become less.  Just different.  

How I feel and handle the stresses in my life

are different.  And it has a lot to do 

with age and experience.

At sixteen, I thought having a boyfriend was the key to happiness, and

at eighteen, I thought heartbreak would kill me and be the end of the world.

At twenty-one, I thought that acceptance was being a part of a social group, 

and success was achieving the road most taken.

At twenty-five, I thought that if I wanted to go to law school, 

I needed to let go of being a writer. 

And at thirty, I thought that being a lawyer meant actually acting like one

(what the heck does that mean, right?).

But, with age, I've learned that ...

being in a relationship doesn't guarantee happiness,

and heartbreak doesn't kill you even if it feels like it.

It may feel like the end of the world, but it's not.

And being a part of a group doesn't mean I actually belong.

Acceptance has nothing to do with what others

think of me, but with how I feel about myself.

And success does not mean achieving what society thinks I should be,

it's becoming the person God has planned for me to be.

Going to law school didn't mean I needed to let go of being a writer,

and being a lawyer didn't mean I was no longer me.

Anyhow, I was inspired by Tahnie's 30 acts of kindness project

that she's doing for her birthday.  (Read about it here.)

So, I thought, what do I want?  What is something that I want

to change in this new year in my life?

Love.

Act with love.

Show love.

Speak love.

I struggle with it.

But, I've been working on it.

And for my birthday, that's what I want.

So, on Tuesday (July 30), which is my birthday, I challenge all of you

to celebrate love.  Show love to others around you.  Extend an act of love to a stranger

or to someone you may have neglected for awhile.  Maybe call your best friend, who

you haven't spoken to in awhile and tell her you love her.  It's simple really.

Anyhow, celebrate love however you do.  I challenge you to spend

the day with the intent of love in all of your actions.

If you join me, email or comment to let me know.

If you decide to capture your celebration of love on Instagram,

use #lovealwayswins hashtag.

Hope you had a beautiful weekend!

what's awesome?

Running towards the wind 

and feeling it collide against your face. 

Your feet touching the familiar asphalt.

Legs and body moving faster and faster

in perfect synchrony with the wind.

As you move forward

the tracks begin to open,

wider and wider.

The feeling of possibility

suddenly fills you and 

as it bursts into a smile

that perfect song comes on -

you're defying gravity.

When you finally realize that

nothing and no one can stop you,

collapsing on the green grass

becomes a happy celebration.

Because lying there and looking up

at the night blue sky with 

the grayish white clouds that

designed your childhood

you are reminded 

just how beautiful your life is.

Sometimes all it takes is looking at it 

from a different point of view.

I didn't get a chance to take a picture of the sky tonight,

but imagine lying on this field and looking up at this sky.

It'll give you a good idea of what I saw, and perhaps, what I felt.

Grateful and blessed.

| photo: from train en route to Sevilla, Spain |