Blue

Our family dog, Blue, passed away today.

My brother said that my mom was more frantic about Blue's death than she was when my stepdad passed away.  I told him that only means she really loved Blue, and that he had become a part of her everyday life for the last thirteen years.  He had become a constant, a companion, through many challenges and losses in her life.  Including the loss of my stepdad.  And now, another constant is gone. 

Although my brothers and I always had a dog growing up, we never had one dog for too long since we moved around a lot.  The dogs we had either got lost in the new neighborhood (or they were taken), or we had to give them away, or they died at an early age.  Blue, however, stuck around.  For thirteen years.  He was a part of our family for thirteen years.  And although he's technically my youngest brother's dog, and my family adopted him when I was already out of the house, he became a constant in my life, too.  No matter what, I always knew Blue was there, in his corner in the backyard, and somehow, knowing that made me feel safe.  Reassured me that my family was safe.  Complete.

Blue will be missed.  Terribly.  Missed.

Blue lost a lot of weight in the last couple of weeks that he had been sick.

A moment between man (my baby brother) and his best friend.  Priceless.

no other

When I woke up this morning, I wondered how long I could go through the day without breaking down.  I was doing pretty well.  Until my brother's email. 

My brothers have a way of making me break down.  Because when their hearts are breaking, my heart breaks, too.  Double.  Triple. 

Needless to say, my brothers are the loves of my life.  And my brother's email paying tribute to my stepdad on the one year marking his death just broke my heart.  Because like my brother said, there is no one like my stepdad. 

My stepdad was the kindest and most loving man.  And I truly believe he was a gift from God.  He changed my mom's life.  He changed my brothers' lives.  And he changed mine.  Although I will never understand why he was brought to our lives only to be taken so soon, I am and will always be thankful that he was a part of our lives.  He will forever be missed and loved.  Because there is truly no one like him.

And his death made me realize that we must love the ones we love.  Every single day.  We must seize every opportunity to let the ones we love know how truly loved they are.  Because we never know when they'll be gone.  

I miss my stepdad.  I miss our conversations.  I miss his smile.  And I miss his presence by my mom's side.

But I also know that he will always live on in our hearts.  With love. 

photo: monsieur nounou      

balloons and a whole lotta love

I said it was going to be a balloons kinda month.  Well, now I say, let's make it a balloons and a whole lotta love kind of month.  I read my post from last year, and you know, funny because I said I was going to make this month (last year) a month of challenges.  (Hmmm ... Didn't I just say I disliked this month because that's what it always gave me?)  Well, I guess, that's where it hasn't failed me.  Because I got that.  It was a month of challenges. 

But I also said I was going to make it a month of daring to become everything I dreamt of.  A month of resolutions.  I think I did that, too.  And I remember, that month, I also dared to approach everything with love.  To believe in love.  I think that's what got me through that month.  Last year.  I believed in love.  As I watched my stepdad slip further and further in his illness, his life slipping away, as my heart was being ripped out of me, and as I watched my family heartbroken and beaten, I felt more love than I ever did.  We were together.  And we held each other up through it all.  No words needed to be said.  We loved.  A lot.   

And that's something I will always be grateful for.  The love I have around me.  My wonderful friends.  My loving family.  We've all been through a lot of rainstorms together.  We've been through trials that would tear some relationships apart.  But, we stay.  We love.  No matter how difficult it is sometimes.

So, in celebration of all of that, I'm making this a month of love (and balloons!).  A month of recognizing love.  All around me.

For starters, I love my brothers!  I have the best brothers.   

photo: Caiti Borruso

experience.

"Experience is a brutal teacher.  But you learn - my God, do you learn."

-- C.S. Lewis                              

There are people we lose and will always miss.

I've lost people I still think about everyday.

*photo via weheartit