clouds + cloud(ed)

I took this picture last Sunday.

It's one out of probably twenty I took of the clouds.

I just love how they fill the sky after the rain.

I wish everyday looked like this.

I've been struggling all afternoon.

After spending all morning in court, I came back into

the office with a dreadful headache.

Not to mention I hurt my neck last night,

and now, I can't turn my head to the right or to the left.

So, instead of working, I've been scrolling through old files, old blog posts,

and old (email) "reminders" I used to send to myself.

I came across this "reminder" I sent on March 30, 2011:

"Just came back from Phoenix.  Remember this: he motivates and inspires me

to be the best possible me.  I love him for that."

I was talking about A, who I've mentioned a couple of times

(though not sure if I've ever referenced him as "A").

But I wrote several posts about him, like here, here, and here. 

A and I are not speaking anymore.

But that has a lot more to do with me than him.

Today, especially after reading the reminders and previous posts,

I wondered why I pushed him out of my life.

Because I miss him everyday.

But, then I read the posts again.

The post about Dexter and Emma (One Day),

and I remembered why I pushed him out of my life.

Self-preservation.

I'm not saying it's right or wrong.

Many days I wish I could take it back.

But, we can't change how we feel.

I can't change mine, and he can't change his.

So, we do what's best for us.

I did what was best for me.

At the time.

I miss him though.

Everyday.