To the Dexters and Emmas of the world

I'm still reading One Day.  I intend to finish the book before the movie comes out.  It has taken me longer than I thought it would.  You know, been busy with work.  (And a little playtime here and there.) 

Anyhow, last night, I was at the part when Dex told Emma he was getting married.  And I felt this pang ... in my chest.  Somewhere close to my heart.  It made me wonder whether everyone has/have/had a Dex or an Emma.  Meaning, that person that made you smile, just upon hearing their name.  That person you think about when you think of the word crush or like or ... maybe, in love.  But it's also the person that you think about when you hear the word "almost" or "maybe" or "not quite."  The person you wonder about because they're not presently in your daily life, no matter how much they are presently in your daily mind.  And in your heart.  It's that why not person.  That whatever happened to person.  The could've been great but quite don't know person.  If you believe in all of those things.    

And reading the exchange between Dex and Emma upon the news of Dex's engagement made me want to call the Dex in my life.  Tell him to give me fair warning before he gets engaged.  Or married.  Give me fair warning before I lose him.  Again.  I just want to know ahead of time.  

Here's the exchange that made me feel that pang (that feeling that I'm afraid to lose him, but at the same time, I wonder, what am I losing?):

'But you're happy?'

'Yeah?  I think I am.  Are you?'

'Happier.  Happyish.'

'Happyish.  Well, happyish isn't so bad.'

'It's the most we can hope for.'  The fingertips of her left hand passed across the surface of a statute that seemed familiar, and now Emma knew exactly where they were.  Turning right, and then left would bring them out into the rose garden again, back into the party, back to his fiancee and their friends, and there would be no more time to talk.  She suddenly felt a startling sadness, so stopped for a moment, turned and took both of Dexter's hands in her own.

'Can I say something?  Before we go back to the party?'

'Go on.'

'I'm a little drunk.'

'Me too.  That's okay.'

'Just ... I missed you, you know.'

'I missed you too.'

'But so, so much, Dexter.  There were so many things I wanted to talk to you about, and you weren't there -'

'Same here.'

'And I feel a little guilty, sort of running away like that.'

'Did you?  I didn't blame you.  There were times when I was being a little ... obnoxious.'

'More than a little, you were bloody awful -'

'I know -'

'Selfish, and stuck-up and boring actually -'

'Yes, you've made that point -'

'But even so.  I should have stuck it out a bit, what with your mum and everything -'

'That's no excuse though.'

'Well, no, but it was bound to give you a knock.'

'I've still got that letter you wrote.  It's a very beautiful letter, I appreciated it.'

'But still, I should have tried harder to get in touch.  You're meant to stick by your friends aren't you?  Take the blow?'

'I don't blame you -'

'But even so.' To her embarrassment, she found that there were tears in her eyes.

'Hey, hey, what's up, Em?'

'I'm sorry, drunk too much is all ...'

'Come here.'  He put his arm around her, his face against the bare skin of her neck, smelling shampoo and damp silk, and she breathed into his neck, his aftershave and sweat and alcohol, the smell of his suit, and they stood like this for a while until she caught her breath and spoke.

'I tell you what it is.  It's ... when I didn't see you, I thought about you every day, I mean every day in some way or another -'

'Same here -'

' - even if it was just "I wish Dexter could see this" or "where's Dexter now?" or "Christ, that Dexter, what an idiot", you know what I mean, and seeing you today, well, I thought I'd got you back - my best friend.  And now all this, the wedding, the baby - I'm so, so happy for you, Dex.  But it feels like I've lost you again.'

(One Day by David Nicholls)

       

I think I would cry, too, the day he tells me he's getting married.  I wonder if he'd feel the same way should it be I who gets married first.

I know that the Dexters and Emmas are difficult to understand.  At least, my circle of friends don't.  Although they make great fictional characters and their stories are what romance movies are made of - people don't get them.  In real life.  Maybe, I don't either.  But, I get the feeling.  Those are real.

My cousin posted this short story "Long Walk to Forever" by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. on her site.  Reminds me of another Dex and Emma.  (I'm just not sure whether they have the same ending.)  But, it's a great short story.  Check it out: http://www.angelfire.com/or/grace/longwalk.html. 

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