2015 Goals to Get My Behind Moving

It's only ten days into the new year so I think it's still okay to talk about resolutions and goals. Although I'm a firm believer that every day is an opportunity for change, for resolve, or to just get off our behinds and do whatever it is that we've always wanted to do, there is something about a new year that strongly inspires that. Even if the inspiration tends to lose its momentum after a few days or weeks, I believe that jolt, aspiration, for a new beginning, a better tomorrow, is a necessary step. And maybe just one day, you will make the physical step towards the life that had been burning inside your heart.

I had always been a resolutions person. During the last week of December, I would usually write down my resolutions, and year after year, by February, those resolutions would be forgotten. Then, in the last couple of years, I decided to do something different. Write out goals instead: goals for the year and goals for each month. At the end, I'm happy to report that I fared much better at accomplishing at least a quarter of my goals. I found that setting monthly goals forced me to focus and the shorter deadlines worked for the procrastinator in me. In the latter half of last year, I decided to start setting weekly goals. Again, I didn't accomplish most of them, most would move to the next week and the next. But, by the end of the month, I saw that the things that mattered or I deemed more important were done, and thus, although I didn't reach perfection, I made progress.

Then, about two months ago, I heard the buzz about Lara Casey's PowerSheets. I started looking into them, and thought, well, that's what I've been doing this last year, writing down my goals, and so, I must be doing something right since everyone on Instagram seemed to be hyped about these PowerSheets. I decided against purchasing them since I'm also on the thrifty side and didn't want to spend money on something I can write out in a $2.00 notebook.

But, two weeks into December, I was still stalking Lara Casey's online shop, and reading up on everyone's comments on Instagram about how wonderful these PowerSheets were. On a slow December workday, I made a hasty decision and ordered them. I was amazed how they arrived in two days, but I still waited more than a week to actually look at them. In fact, aside from buying and putting them into a fancy notebook, I didn't look at the sheets until December 31st, the day I always reserve for reflection and planning.

I went to a cafe I had always been meaning to go to, fell in love with the place, and sat there for three hours working through the PowerSheets. That hasty decision I made a few weeks earlier turned out to be a great one. I know it's too early to say whether I actually accomplish any of the ten goals I set, but whether I do or not, the process that the PowerSheets took me through made me realize why certain goals were important to me, and why I had not accomplished some of the same goals year after year. I learned quite a bit about myself going through those sheets, and thus, even if I don't accomplish half the things I wrote, I know that at the very least my I'm acting and living a life with more intention.

So, how about those goals for this year? Well, here are a few:

1. Saturate myself in Scripture. I kept telling myself every year for the last few that I will read the Bible. And every year, I only opened it when I was in church or Bible study. This year, I started a Bible reading plan to read the entire Bible in a year. And so far, so good. No matter how tired I feel or busy I think I am, I open up my Bible and I read. I've already learned so much in just nine days.

2. Organize my finances and be in a better financial state. This is a work in progress. But, I have been more mindful and intentional with my spending. I'm being more consistent with tracking my profit and loss, and knowing that I can control my finances rather than have it control me feels liberating. I paid off a credit card two days and that felt especially great.

3. Finish and edit my novel / immerse myself in writing consistently.  Another work in progress, but I am writing more. I set a daily goal of writing at least an hour a day - using writing prompts or just journal writing or simply novel scribbling (where I just purge novel scene ideas onto the page). I have yet to reach the hour a day, but I have been writing at least 15-20 minutes, and each time I sit down to write the words seem to flow more easily out of me. I feel that my creative side has come to life. I woke up at 2:00 this morning, and this sentence I thought I should add to my novel just kept nagging at me that I got up, picked up my notebook and pen, and wrote for half an hour. I was so excited that I wanted to keep writing but I had a hike scheduled for 7:00 a.m., so I forced myself to go back to sleep.

4. Organize the back end of my practice. This means filing things away and keeping my desk tidy. The goal is to spend time working and not scrambling for documents and files that are either in the back seat of my car or buried under a stack of mail. I also needed to make sure that I wasn't always overwhelmed with busy work that I didn't take the time to evaluate my business, network to make sure I had consistent work flow coming in, and continue to update myself on the law and learn something new. Those were important things for the growth of my practice. And so, I'm working on being more organized not only with my space but my time.

5. Learn something new every day. This is one of my daily goals each month. I believe it's important to learn something new every day. It not only exercises our brain but for me, it makes me feel more alive and young and fulfilled. Young children are curious and learning every day, so I thought, why not continue to be like that? The other day I learned different chess strategies so that hopefully one day this year, I will beat my nine-year-old nephew. Then, the next day I read up on expungements as a refresher, and I learned something new. The Bible teaches me something new everyday, so this goal has been successful so far.    


What are your goals for 2015? Do you go through a specific ritual of reflecting and goal setting? I'd love to hear your ideas!

2014 insta-moments

I've been thinking about doing a 2014 recap posts for the last couple of weeks, and after looking through my Instagram photos I decided that these photos would be the best way to express what this year has meant to me. These photos are not necessarily my favorite, or the most popular ones, and yes, they don't capture my bad moments because of course, there were many of those, too, but I believe they do encapsulate what this year has meant to me. So, here it goes, starting from top left to right:

1. Books. One of my goals this year was to read more books and that I did. In the beginning of the year, I joined a book club to keep me motivated and accountable. At the same time, I thought it would be nice to meet other women who shared my passion for a good story. In the course of ten months, I did not only read great books that I would not have picked up or known otherwise, but made new friends with some amazing women. For an introvert, joining a book club with strangers, where heated and emotional discussions will most likely take place at some point, was a big move away from my comfort zone. But it was a much needed move that opened my eyes. For one, it taught me that I'm not alone: there are many others out there that talk about book characters like they're old friends to weep and laugh with. I've had so much fun with my book club ladies and I can't wait for all the wonderful books we'll be reading in 2015.

2. Home. For a very long time, I had this love and hate relationship with L.A. (I wrote a post about it here.) I felt disconnected to the city, and as the years went by, it felt less and less like home. But again, I knew I was not going to leave. At least not for good and not any time soon. So, I thought I should once again become reacquainted with the place I grew up in. I took this photo of the fountain in downtown L.A. after taking the train to the courthouse one day in early February. I remember sitting by the fountain, watching men and women in suits engrossed in their cell phones while standing in the long line at Starbucks. It was a chilly morning, but there was a young couple in T-shirts and shorts sprawled by the fountain, taking turns posing for pictures. A few feet away from them, there was a woman in a coat and scarf with her face buried in a book. I just sat there for awhile, taking it all in. And I remember this distinct feeling of affection and gratitude came over me. Affection for this city that not only holds many memories but the people that mean the world to me. And gratitude for this place that grounds me. This place that hasn't given me any reason to leave. Since then, I've done a little more exploring of the city and I realized that sometimes, quality time is what is needed to reconnect an old, strained relationship.

3. Solitude. In late February/early March, I went to Sacramento for a seminar. While there, I visited the capitol museum and something about this room appealed to me. There was not that much traffic while I was there, and I got to enjoy the stillness, the quiet. This year, more than ever, I've appreciated my moments of solitude. The time I had to read, to write and most of all, to fix some of the messy fringes left over from some bad habits and choices. Although I was upset and worried at first when work was slow, that extra time I had did give me time to fix the things in my life that I had neglected, i.e. my finances. I know it seems paradoxical that not having enough work helped me fix my finances, but it did because I finally had the time to look at the big picture. For years I was just working like a madwoman, paying bills on a monthly basis without really looking at my total expenses and debt, and how to manage them so that I can be financially secure later in life. I've learned that although the idea of living in the moment sounds appealing, it can also have its drawbacks especially when it comes to money.

4. Priorities. This year, I spent most of my Monday afternoons with my nephew, and on one such Monday, I took him to his first trip to Ben and Jerry's. One of the things I struggled with in having my own practice was setting a disciplined schedule for myself. I usually found myself working at scattered hours 'round the clock and so, it felt like I was just working all the time. But because of those Monday afternoons with my nephew, I learned to set a schedule for work, and a time to really stop working and just pay attention to what and who was in front of me. Of course, it also helped that work was slow at times, but nonetheless, having someone depend on my time forced me to focus, and reinforced the importance of setting priorities. Mondays became my favorite day of the week because I knew that I'd see my nephew and that I'd learn something new about a book he was reading or a story he was writing. I think kids are so much smarter and wiser these days. My nephew read a birthday poem that I wrote for his dad when I was ten years old and he corrected my grammar on it. He is nine.

5. Surrendering. This photo was taken in Los Olivos on my 40th birthday. My two girlfriends took the day off to celebrate with me. We had a picnic at a winery, and then, went to Solvang for dessert. It was the first time I actually took a day off from work for my birthday, and although it took some convincing, I think I may make it a yearly tradition. I love this photo not only because of the beautiful open road, the cloud patches and that grand tree, but what I remember feeling when I look at it. Surrender. You see, the anticipation of turning 40 was long winded and stressful. I wasn't in the place in my life that I had planned to be. That I had wanted to be. And that often made me feel disappointed. But finally, I realized that I was exactly where God intended me to be. I finally surrendered to God's plans, which are much greater and smarter than my own. Doing that has taken the burden off me. All I have to do is follow. Take His guided steps to get through this amazing gift of life that I had been given.

6. Brave faith. You may be wondering how this picture can mean that. Well, it was the photo with the blog post I shared on Facebook about turning 40. (You can read it here.) Although I've shared a few blog posts on Facebook throughout the years, this was the first time I shared with people I knew without censoring myself. Writing was always personal for me, and for some reason, I was fine sharing my thoughts and heart with strangers who read my blog, but sharing with people I knew was frightening. Then, I turned 40, and it was less scary. I owe it to brave faith.

7. Risks. I'm not much of a risk taker. At least I didn't think so. I tread more on the side of caution, where I'm comfortable. Then, around spring, around the time I was struggling with facing a new decade, I found this opportunity to take a hiking trip to Zion National Park with a group of strangers. And I signed up without really thinking too much about the details. As the date of the trip neared, I started getting anxious about spending a whole weekend in a different state, at a national park, with people I didn't know at all. There were messages going back and forth about carpooling and rooming together. All I could think about was how I hated sharing rooms with people I knew, how much more with people I didn't know. I didn't like being a passenger in a car for hours, and stressed about having to make small talk with people I may not even like. But as all these thoughts went through my head, there was a stronger feeling inside of me that said I needed to go on this trip. That I was going to be okay. So, although the trip had been planned for months, I bought all my equipment and gear only two weeks before. Then, three days before the trip, I was about to cancel. Or just drive out to Utah by myself so I didn't have to sit in a car with strangers. But, of course, I didn't do either. Despite my hesitation, I carpooled with three strangers and roomed with two. And despite my fear of heights, despite cramps and over-a-hundred-degree weather, I hiked to the top of Angels Landing. (You can read my post about that experience here.) It was an experience that taught me that when you draw on faith for courage, you can accomplish the things you set out to do because you're no longer crippled by fear. And that is liberating.

8. Perspective. In September, I participated in this Sunrise/Sunset Challenge, where you simply take a picture of the sunrise and sunset from wherever you are and post it on Facebook. It was to raise money for Paul Walker's organization, ROWW (Reach Out Worldwide). So, on Friday, September 12th, I woke up early in the morning and drove to Runyon Canyon to watch the sunrise. On my way, I stopped at the Mulholland lookout point and watched the city before it woke up. I had passed by that lookout point many, many times but that was the first time I had ever stopped and stepped down to see the view for myself. What I saw was this view of the city, still and quiet, except for the lights and for the sun that was starting to come up. It felt so peaceful up there, and a sense of calmness just settled in my chest. A calmness that has remained. This year has been quite eventful, and such is life, has had its many ups and downs. But with the perspective of distance came peace with the choices I had made. And peace with the knowledge that as long as I choose good, I'll be okay.

9. Writing. This year I wrote. I wrote short stories, an essay and a novel for National Novel Writing Month. Looking back at all of that has made me realize that I was the only hindrance to my dream of writing. Now that I know I can get out of my way, I think know that I'll be writing more. I'm excited for what 2015 will bring now that I finally figured out how to include writing - consistent writing - into my life.


How was your 2014? 

On the real: owning up to it - I'm forty!

One day I woke up and ... can you believe it? I'm forty! How did this happen? Well, of course we all know how it happened: the earth continued to move, night turned into day, day into night, on repeat, and bam! Just like that, a whole decade went by, and I'm not thirty anymore.

But in all honesty, I'm glad I'm not. Thirty, that is. At least not the thirty-year-old that I was: sad, confused, insecure and lost. For my thirtieth birthday, I went to a specific bar (way across town from where I lived) in hopes of running into the guy who just a few weeks back I emailed (because I was such a coward I couldn't do it in person) that it was over between us and I didn't want to see him again. Talk about confused, right?

So, I don't have a problem with not being thirty anymore. But, I still can't grasp the fact that I'm forty because (unfortunately) I had made it a deadline for all the things I didn't accomplish by thirty: marriage, kids, a published novel, house, debt-free. And let's just say that if this deadline was for a school project or some statutory limitation, I failed or I just completely screwed my client.

But, thank God I'm not being graded on completion of my to-do list.

It probably begs the question, however, what had I been doing these last ten years?

Living. Learning.

And one of the great lessons I've learned is that life doesn't always turn out the way I planned. Or the way I even imagined. In fact, no matter how carefully and perfectly I designed my life, it will never turn out exactly like the blueprints. And because of that I can't be so bent out of shape about it.

But, I spent a long time doing exactly that.

Because I thought that as long as I followed the course of college, work, law school, work, date, work, write, work - and add financial independence as well as kindness to the mix - then, everything else would fall into place. I'd have a successful career as a lawyer and writer to pay off my student loans (Yeah, right!), buy a house (in California, are you kidding me?) and I'll meet a nice guy, get married and have kids. It was all supposed to work out that way because I did everything I thought I was supposed to do.

Wrong.

Life doesn't work that way. It's full of variables. I could have gotten married and had kids and been miserable. Or I could be making tons of money, and hate what I do. I could have bought a house but was bombarded with plumbing issues.

Or, I could have gotten married, had kids with a big house, and been extremely happy.

Who knows?

The point is not to discourage anyone in making plans or working towards your goals and dreams whatever they may be. What I'm sharing is the best thing I learned in my forty years: appreciate what I have and how to deal with grace the disappointments and challenges that come my way.

I didn't get everything I wanted in life. And most likely, that will remain true for future desires. But now in hindsight, although at the time I was angry, depressed and discouraged for not getting a specific job or being rejected by someone I was in love with, I'm glad that things didn't work out. The only thing I would've done differently is I wouldn't have spent so much time and energy wallowing over my disappointments. But what was done is done, and I remind myself that as important as it is to look back once in awhile, I need to pay attention to what's in front of me. And honestly, it's not so bad. In fact, I like my life. Even without having all the things on my checklist. On some days, lately on most, I actually love it. I couldn't say that ten years ago.

So, I already have a feeling 40s is going to be great! It has been pretty awesome so far.

Goodbye 2013

Dear 2013,

You have been quite a year. The year when many past lessons were finally put to the test. I'm happy to report that final chapters were closed this year, and many seeds were planted for new beginnings. This was a year of going back to my roots, realizing God's role in my life (how he has always been there for me even when I didn't acknowledge or know Him), finding creativity again, re-establishing my relationship with writing, pushing myself out of my comfort zone, and most of all - forgiveness, gratitude and love. I learned that with forgiveness comes freedom and gratitude, and without the baggage of resentment and anger, there is more room for love.

I'm looking forward to what 2014 will bring. I believe that our lives have seasons, and I believe that a big season in my life just came to a close. I'm ready for the new one. I'm excited to see what will become of the seeds that had been planted.