the secret.

I read a lot.  If that's not already obvious.  I read a lot of blogs, articles, books, ads and even street signs.  I love words.  I love how the same words can be rearranged in a sentence, and can give a completely different message.  But anyhow, that's not the secret. 

The secret is about the idea of letting go.  It's a common theme I've found in blogs (and magazine articles and books and etc.).  It seems that people are always looking for ways to let go.  Or giving encouragement, advice and instructions on how to let go.  I'm a part of that group.  When I started blogging, one of my secret missions was to find a way to finally let go.  For my heart to finally let go of someone that I had loved so dearly because loving him was getting in the way of someone I was falling in love with.  It seems and sounds easy enough, right?  Since there was someone new in my life, why was I holding on to someone who was no longer a part of it?  People always say that the best way to get over someone, to get over a broken heart, is to find someone new.  (Honestly, I don't really subscribe to that theory, but that's for another post.)

But if you've ever been there, it's not that easy.  Meeting someone new doesn't mean we get a brand new heart.  And falling in love with someone new doesn't mean the old love instantly disappears and cease to exist.  Ever.  And if you're like me, I have this habit of holding on to things.  To the things I cherish.  To those that I loved.  Even if they are old, battered, or have already long left me, I treasure them.  Because once I loved, I don't stop loving.  Once someone has made a mark on my heart, they stay there.   

But I understand how that can turn into an issue.  My male best friend told me a long time ago that a man does not want to know that the woman he loves loved someone else.  That the woman he loves was so in love with another man as I was in love with my person.  I didn't get it.  I thought that should make any man (or woman) feel better and secure because they are with a person who was capable of loving another in that way.  But now, I realize why my best friend didn't understand my logic and I didn't understand his. 

It seems that the universal rule is we must completely rid ourselves of all past emotions for another being in able for us to acceptably love someone anew.  It seems that the universal rule is to completely erase all things broken, missing and painful from our memories for us to be completely whole and happy in the present.  I buy into the whole idea of living in the present.  This is what this blog site is all about.  But, I'm also one that has put my past in a treasure chest, and one who likes to look in there once in awhile.  And remember.  And smile.

See, I've never been good about universal rules. 

I still wonder about the boy who I met in the second grade and first broke my heart.  I haven't seen or spoken to him in sixteen years.  I have no idea where he is. 

I still miss my precious dog Sugar.  She's been missing for twelve years. 

I still think of my grandfather everyday.  And he's been gone for seven years.

And whenever I catch a Friends episode, I think of the person I so loved years ago, and it makes me smile.  It makes me smile because I did love him.  It makes me smile because I once knew him and we once shared this secret joke and laugh.  I smile because I am truly happy for him and the life he has chosen.

Then, I think about that someone I was falling in love with.  The someone I did fall in love with.  Everytime I hear someone playing the guitar, I think of him.  I realize that he was the reason things did not work out with the one I so loved.  Even though I met him years after it was over.  And when I think of him, I smile because now I know that there's another reason.  Just waiting to be known.   

I believe the secret is ... we never really let go.  We move on.  Or our feelings change.  Or they grow into something else.  But there is some part of the things we loved that always remains.  I guess, when we think of letting go or finding ways to let go, it's really about finding a way to live our lives without that thing or person we felt we couldn't live without.  Once we realize that life can go on even without them, and once we learn to appreciate that everyday provides the possibility of something or someone new who will have such an impact in our lives and hearts that we'll feel we can't live without them, too, the grieving process for those no longer in our current lives may be a little easier.  It'll never be completely easy because missing someone is hard.  But I've found that there's a comfort in the realization and acceptance that we never really have to forget those we loved (and lost) to make room for new loves. 

*photo via Better Than Fine