Journal Day: 20/20

They say hindsight is 20/20, and with good reason- looking back at something always gives us a better view. We're often able to really see how our choices and decisions then shaped our today, and examine what we would have done differently given the chance. When looking back though, we often look way back, but for this exercise stay a little closer to present time and look back just 12 months. If you could go back just one year, what would you tell yourself? What advice would you offer about everything you've experienced?

Run the course. That's what I would tell my one-year-ago self. Your goals are attainable. Just keep moving forward and eventually, you will get there. 

A year ago, I didn't think I'd actually run and finish a half marathon. Although it was something I had always wanted to do, I never took any serious steps into training for one. The dedication and discipline frightened me. I didn't think I could do it. But, last July, I committed to running the Rock 'n Roll half marathon that was scheduled for October. At that time, I was only running jogging once every couple of weeks and no more than two or three miles of which I walked half the way. But, something inside of me said I needed to run. I needed to run that half marathon.

So, I set a schedule and started running at my old high school tracks twice a week after work. At first, I struggled to even run two straight laps. I was frustrated and many times, I just wanted to give up. My stride did not feel right. My breathing was wrong. I watched other runners and wished that I could run with the same grace and ease. They looked like they were gliding with the wind.

But, despite my frustration, I stayed the course. Well, actually, I ran the course. And eventually, I increased my number of laps. Next thing I knew, I was running four laps, five laps, six laps. Twenty laps. I went from running/walking for half an hour to straight running for forty-five minutes. Sixty minutes. Ninety-five. When I finally took my running to the streets, I ran six miles in 70 minutes. Then, I was running eight miles. Nine miles. Ten.  

And in October, I ran my first half marathon.

The whole experience was life-changing. At the end, I felt stronger not only physically, but mentally and emotionally. I felt capable, and I believe that's what I needed at that time. To feel capable of making needed changes and great strides in my life.

A year ago, I didn't know I was capable of running a half marathon. I didn't think I'd ever get out of my comfort zone. I didn't think I could listen to the song Someone Like You without feeling a pang in my heart. I didn't think I'd ever watch and be addicted to Grey's Anatomy. The fact that I could watch episode after episode with nothing but pure enjoyment is proof that broken hearts do heal. We can get over it. And when we do, we realize that it really was a blessing that it didn't work out. Because now with the 20/20 clarity of hindsight, he was never deserving of your love.    

He's not the end all, be all.

And knowing that is an awesome feeling. Hold on to the awesome feeling. Keep running.