"We accept the love we think we deserve."
-- Perks of Being a Wallflower, Stephen Chbosky
It was like a movie. Or a scene from a chick-lit novel.
Late one night, while she lay in bed with her cell phone next to her, expecting a call from her best friend whose father was in the hospital, she got a call from the man she loved many, many years ago. A man she had not had a conversation with in over fifteen years. He wanted to see her, talk to her.
In the middle of the night? she asked.
Yes, he said.
We don't always get the chance to say the things we wanted to say. Sometimes, so much time has passed and so many things has happened and people have moved on, that we can't imagine the other person would care to hear our apology or explanation of the reasons why we broke their hearts.
But, fifteen years later, there he was on her couch asking her, why? Why did she always choose to be with the person who only broke her heart?
Hindsight is always clearer. Time and distance has a way of pushing fear away.
He was familiar. And what I thought I deserved.
You never saw it, did you? he asked. If only you can see yourself from my eyes ...
He loved her. And although she never acknowledged it, she knew. She kept his love close to her heart.
* * *
Getting your heart broken sucks. When relationships end, it sucks. But everything happens for a reason, and I've come to realize that I'm a better person than I was a year ago or five years ago or ten years ago, because I've had my heart broken.
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