on making the imagined life real + the songs that transport me

2011 was a great year. 

Then, it wasn't.

November came, and my heart broke to pieces.

But, after two days of crying every five minutes (and thus, having to work with my office door shut because I didn't want everyone to see me in tears), after questioning the things I thought to be real, and after questioning myself and my ability to recognize truth versus my own made-up fantasy of a certain relationship or situation, I woke up. 

And I realized, then, that perhaps, I needed to find myself completely broken (again) to pick up the pieces.  I guess, at that point, I had no other choice but to do that.  I mean, I can wallow, feel sorry for myself, but what good would it do?  So, I vowed to make 2012 the year of doing things. 

This year, I am going to live the life I had imagined.

Make it real.

And to report on my progress, it's been a pretty good start.

* * * 

Now, on a completely different note, it's Thursday.  Time for music of the week.  But this time, I decided to make it about music that transports me in time.  Because songs have a tendency to do that.  They are like time machines.  

Wild Horses by The Sundays

Brings me back to afternoons at my desk, when I was working as a legal assistant,

pre-law school, but just wanting so much to be a writer.  So, during my breaks,

I read screenplays for the producer I worked as a reader for,

and feeling, this is the best job ever!

The Reason by Hoobastank

Sitting in the car with someone I loved so dearly, and just wanting so badly to freeze time,

or fast-forward it to when I was ready to be with him.  Again.  For good.

Don't Know Why by Norah Jones

That year of firsts.  First year in my very own place, when I couldn't afford a

coffee table, and dinner picnics on the living room floor was the best part of my day.

Hands by Jewel

Sitting at the park, up the hill from where I used to live.  And writing.  Searching.

I knew what I wanted, but I didn't quite know that I could have it.
That I could be it.

I know it has taken me a very long time.  Sometimes, it takes me awhile

to realize things, but now, I can see it. 

And I could. 

I will.