*photo by HeyThereItsCassie
A couple of months ago, I posted a blog about "the message." It was after I met up with an old friend who I had not seen or spoken to in three years.
Well, today, I had breakfast with an old friend who I haven't seen or spoken to in five years.
I believe there is something about reacquainting and catching up with old friends that puts life in perspective. Reminds us of who we were and makes us realize how far we've come. How much we've changed. And yet, how much we've stayed the same.
I was a different person five years ago. But at the same time, I haven't changed. The same goes for my friend. So, as we talked about that, I remembered a conversation I had with my former secretary.
A couple of months ago, she came into my office to give me her two-weeks notice. I said, okay, and thought that was the end of our conversation. I was wrong. She sat there looking at me, as if waiting for me to ask her why. It looked like she wanted to talk. Since I was in the middle of writing a brief, I didn't really feel like talking. But she didn't move. So, finally, I asked her why. And she broke down. She told me what I had suspected in the last couple of months - the reasons she had been so distracted and unable to work.
Life after college isn't what she imagined it to be. It's been a difficult adjustment. Paying rent and making ends meet has been tough. Moving to a new city has made it even tougher. She doesn't know whether she still wants to go to grad school. She feels lost. Thinks maybe she should move back home with her parents for awhile. And (the biggest reason) this guy ...
After she told me about the heartache, disappointment, confusion, and more heartache, she asked: How do you do it?
I realized at that moment that she had no idea. So, I told her this: I was exactly where you are ten years ago. I even cried in my boss's office, too, when my ex-boyfriend and I broke up. At that time, I thought I was going to die and the world was going to end. He listened. I didn't die. The world didn't end. Actually, after all of that, my ex and I got back together. But, three years later, we broke up again. That time, I didn't think I was going to die. I didn't think the world was going to end. But I did feel that I didn't want to move from my couch ever again. I just wanted to stay on that couch until that nauseating feeling from the fusion of loss, disappointment, heartbreak and broken dreams was gone. But I also knew I couldn't wait for that. I needed to finish law school. I needed to pass the bar exam. So, I got up from the couch. Hard as it was.
And what I realized is this: with each broken heart, we learn. Life goes on. We grow. Now, I know, that heartache won't kill me. Even when it feels like it. And I know that staying on my couch won't change the circumstances. No matter how comfortable and inviting it is. Will the nauseating feeling still be there? Yes. But, find different ways of moving on, or at least getting through the day, until the things you do don't feel like just "ways" anymore. And remember that mistakes, heartaches and disappointments happen. Don't let them define you. Don't let them decide what you do with your life.
Then, she asked, do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
Yes. I do.
Even this happened for a reason.
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