I turn 40 this year. I can't believe I just typed that out. For those of you who are thinking that age is nothing but a number, and it's nothing to stress out about, well, it is. For me. Actually, I started stressing before I turned 31 because I didn't plan for life after 30. Not that I had any death wish or premonition or life-threatening illness, I just didn't think of life after 30.
I had my life mapped out at a young age. In high school, I came up with this timeline with the things I needed to accomplish in my life, and the deadline was 30. I was supposed to get married by 25, have my first kid by 28, buy a house, have my own law practice and have a bestselling novel - all by the time I was 30.
I know, pretty intense. I was ambitious. But, having those dreams gave me the drive to be at the library at 11:00 p.m. on a Thursday night, studying, while my friends were partying. Those dreams gave me the energy to be at work at 6:00 a.m., so I can put in a few hours before my 9:00 a.m. class. Those dreams gave me hope when I got my heart broken and just wanted to stay in bed for the whole semester. I was determined to do it all. I wanted the whole American dream - the white picket fence and everything that came with it.
But now, I'm turning 40, and wow, life didn't turn out exactly as I planned. Not the way I imagined. That was the reason I first named this blog Red Picket Fences (you can read about it here). I know I changed the name so abruptly, but I felt it was time. That name was about embracing the life I didn't plan for. I was working towards that. And I worked on it for many years. Acceptance. Now, I'm okay with it. Actually, I'm more than okay. I'm having fun. I'm excited.
I've accepted that there are many things in life we can't plan for. Life throws us punches, curve balls and potholes. And we have to learn to deal. I think that's what growing up, growing older, has taught me: how to handle life's unexpected turns with a little more grace and gratitude.
But, just because life has not and will not always be as planned, it doesn't stop me from making lists of the things I want to do and accomplish. Those lists keep me on my toes. They make me accountable because, really, I'm a homebody at heart. I love comfortable. I seek comfortable. I'm not much of a risk-taker. Although I am a dreamer. And there are many things I want to do. So, here's my "40 before 40" list (I wrote my list in December, so I had to keep in mind that I have 7 months to accomplish all of these):
1. Read the entire Bible.
2. Do a DIY photography project. There are a couple featured in A Beautiful Mess's site that I've been wanting to try out.
3. Write a poem. Because it's been years since I've actually written one.
4. Submit a poem (or a couple) to be published/in a contest. Whether I win or get published, this is the year to just get my work out there. Because as much as this was my dream, I never even tried to submit anything. Anywhere.
5. Complete a short story. It's also time to finish the things I've started.
6. Submit a short story to be published/in a contest.
7. Buy a DSLR and learn how to use it.
8. Frame and hang my diplomas. It's been ten years and my office wall remains bare. It's about time.
9. Create a wall collage/gallery with my photographs.
10. Spend an afternoon at Descanso Gardens. I've lived in Los Angeles for most of my life, and there are many places I've never been to. This is the year to get to know Los Angeles and its surroundings.
11. Volunteer at Ronald McDonald House.
12. Read 12 books I've been meaning to read. I'll list those 12 books at a later time. But I put this on my list because ever since I started practicing law, I haven't been able to read that many books and I just want to go back to reading.
13. Go bike riding in Santa Barbara and indulge in everything sweet in Solvang.
14. Explore and have a cup of coffee in Sausalito.
15. Tour the Venice canal walkways.
16. Hike Solstice Canyon and Sandstone Peak. (Malibu)
17. Run another half marathon and beat my time.
18. Go kayaking around Naples Island.
19. Memorize a poem.
20. Brush up on Spanish/complete the Rosetta Stone Spanish Program.
21. Visit a new city/state I've always wanted to go to.
22. Send a handwritten letter to someone.
23. Take an acting class. Once upon a time, I wanted to be a stage actress.
24. Take a dance class.
25. Take voice lessons
26. Sponsor a child.
27. Learn to swim. I know it's embarrassing but I'm scared of water. I need to overcome that and maybe, just maybe, I can do a triathlon before I'm 50.
28. Hike Echo Mountain and Inspiration Point.
29. Play in the water and watch the sunset at El Matador Beach.
30. Start a new novel.
31. Visit Annenberg Space for Photography.
32. Research my family tree.
33. Do all of the Secret Stairs (Los Angeles) walks/hikes.
34. Attend three new and different meetup events.
35. Face my fear. That is, the one other than water.
36. Redesign my blog.
37. Start playing the piano again. I want to play for church worship again.
38. Have a sit down interview with my grandma. She's told me her life story many times, but I've never asked her any questions. And there's just so much more I want to know.
39. Go on another writing retreat/vacation.
40. Fall in love.
Love this list! I definitely have a few writing-related goals on my list too. It seems like many of your goals are related to stepping out of your comfort zone, which is always a good thing. Congratulations on having the courage to write this all out. It's a scary process to just write down things you want and being courageous enough to put it to paper. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThanks! Writing this list was harder than I thought. And publishing it was scary but I hope it helps keep me accountable. You're right on, too - the key is to step out of my comfort zone. The most difficult part yet!
Delete