reason, season, and lifetime ...

I spent the weekend bonding with my girlfriends.  Reflecting on 2012 and talking about goals we have for this year.  Discussing lessons we've learned and the changes that we're hoping to make.  Our talks reminded me of this post I wrote on my old mayandante blog.  It pretty much sums up the many conversations that passed through three different tables this weekend.   

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. 
When you figure out which one it is, 
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, 
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. 
They have come to assist you through a difficulty; 
to provide you with guidance and support; 
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. 
They may seem like a godsend, and they are. 
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, 
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. 
Sometimes they die.  Sometimes they walk away. 
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. 
What we must realize is that our need has been met, 
our desire fulfilled; their work is done. 
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, 
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. 
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. 
They may teach you something you have never done. 
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.  
Believe it.  It is real.  But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; 
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. 
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, 
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. 
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.— Unknown

Excerpt from mayandante: "your reason, our season and my lifetime"

Dear Dante, 

I don't know if this letter will ever get to you, but last night while I was out having dinner, I thought of you.  I was sitting between Lanie and Dave in this suspiciously dark Sushi restaurant, and after several rounds of Sake shots, they got into their usual heated arguments. This time it was about the TV show "Alias" (our favorite). Dave argued that it was not possible Sydney and Vaughn could ever be truly happy because Sydney didn't even know Vaughn's real identity, and who was to say that Sydney was really Sydney?  Yes, Dave was doing his typical script re-writes.  Lanie, however, used the love argument and said that it didn't matter what Vaughn's real name was because even if he and Sydney changed their identities (aliases), their hearts still loved each other.

Anyhow, in the height of their argument, I remembered this one talk that we had when you asked me to run away with you to Europe.  You had this master plan about pretending our own deaths, obtaining new identities so that we can start anew and just leave everything behind.  The funny thing is that your big concern was our student loans, and how you wanted to make sure that even though we had new identities, when financially equipped in our new lives, we were going to pay those loans off.  I remember listening to you and smiling so much that my face hurt.  I didn't want to say a word because I didn't want to somehow interrupt the energy and excitement in your voice.  I remember thinking I could listen to that ecstatic voice forever.  You seemed so happy.  I just wanted to hug you, hold you and never let go.

Then, I thought about the last time I saw you.  You looked lost, confused and hurt, and I didn't know what to do.  I just wanted to hear that same jubilant and excited voice that asked me to run away with him.  I remember reaching out for your hand, and you couldn't look at me. But you squeezed my hand and held on to it as if any minute someone was going to pull me away, and you didn't want them to take me.  What you didn't realize was that someone had already pulled you away.  And maybe I didn't believe at the time that I deserved you or that I could make you happy, and so I easily let you go.  Perhaps, I didn't think I could give you what you needed or what I thought you needed.  Perhaps, I was just afraid that eventually you were going to let go of my hand so I let go of yours first.  Maybe all that is true.  I questioned myself this last year you haven't been in my life, and I could never really give myself one clear answer.  But one thing I never questioned was that I wanted to be with you, and how I couldn't stand to be away from you.  I couldn't stand not having you in my life.  But I also couldn't stand hurting you and disappointing you.  I think we've overused the saying that "timing was just not right."

Ian told me that you're happy, and ever since he told me that, I just felt this sense of relief and peace.  I realized that I can let you go now.  I no longer have to worry that the voice I loved who always had fantastic stories had disappeared. Life does have a way of working out even though it beats us up once in awhile, breaks us down and tests our faith and our love.

And you can let me go, too, because you no longer have to worry about me settling for anything less than wonderful. You taught me that.

Love, 
Maya

P.S. My wish for you is that your heart and dreams will always have that same childlike innocence and wonder that you had the day you asked me to run away with you to Europe ... and I wish her a lifetime of the kind of happiness I felt that day.