a look back: crossroads

I'm sitting here trying to write a query/pitch letter for my book as an assignment for class.  But I feel stuck.  I don't know what to write.  So, I started browsing through old blog posts, and I came across this post I wrote on August 22, 2010 - almost two years ago.  I think it's poignant for what I've been going through lately, so, I thought I'd re-post it.  Birthdays have a way of making me nostalgic, and sometimes, question the decisions I've made.  But, reading this, I realized, that the choices we make shouldn't confine us.  They don't confine us.  Because we are always at a crossroads.  We will always be faced with choices, where we have to make a decision - one or the other.  Or maybe later.  But, that's the exciting thing about life, I think.  We don't really know what is behind Door A or Door B, until we go through one.  Or the other.

crossroads

The other day, my friend asked me if I regret going to law school. She asked if I could go back in time, would I do it all over again?

We were talking about writing at that time. She is one of the few people in my life with whom I share my passion for writing.

So, I told her the truth. Yes. I would. I would still go to law school. Even knowing how difficult law school was (is), and how that first year was miserable, I would still do it all over again.

Because the thing is, even though I constantly write (here) about how I just want to be a writer, well, I also wanted to be a lawyer. And glad that I am.

Ten years ago, I made the decision to go to law school. But it was not a decision I made hastily. I really thought about it. A lot. I took two years off after college to think about it. And by thinking about it, I did the two things I loved. I worked in a law office doing the only area of law I really wanted to practice. And I wrote. I took screenwriting classes, worked as a reader for a producer, and I wrote. At the end of the two years, I chose law school.

I shared with my friend how the summer before I started school, the producer I was working for told me that he set up a meeting with someone (another producer) who was interested in hearing about the screenplay I was writing. Talk about decisions. Opportunities. Crossroads. But well, being 25 and a little immature for my age (not to mention intimidated and scared), I made the decision not to go. I didn't even finish the screenplay. And for a long time after I wondered what would have happened if this producer had read my screenplay, liked it, and made something (ah, a movie) out of it. Would I have still gone to law school?

And the answer I always came up with was yes.* Because I love the practice of law. Although my grandma often tells me how she doesn't like the profession I chose (because of course, I don't get to spend as much time with her as I would like, as well), I love what I do. I believe in what I do. Yes, I work a lot. Do I feel that I oftentimes miss out on parties and dinners and special occasions? Of course. Do I feel bad? Absolutely. But I also know that a part of life is taking responsibility for our choices. Being an attorney is taking responsibility for my cases - my clients. And if that means having to work even when I'd rather be doing anything other than that, I have to. (And who is to say that I would not be as busy if I chose a career in writing?)

Life is a constant decision. Some decisions are small. Some big. Some life-changing. I think back at my 25 year old self, and although I still think I was quite immature for my age, I also think that even in my immature state, I knew that just because I chose one (law school) did (does) not mean I can't one day pursue the other (writing). Maybe a meeting with a producer would not come as easily now as it did then. But again, who knows? Maybe a better opportunity awaits me later. Whatever my reasons, I just knew that I needed to be a lawyer first. That going to law school and being a lawyer was something I needed to do. Then. And now. So, I don't regret my decision. Not at all.

*So, I know that the decision not to meet with the producer was more because I just wasn't ready to be a writer then. But I think I am now.