the nearness of you

After an intense two-and-a-half-day seminar, I am in legal information overload. But, I love the practice of law more than ever.

And during my flight back, my mind (almost naturally) shifted to thoughts of J. Perhaps it was the comradeship that I felt in the last couple of days that brought back memories of him. Being in my element with like-minded lawyers, I felt understood. By a roomful of strangers. And J always made me feel understood.

I remembered how we used to sit and study for hours, comfortably, without saying a word. And I remembered how safe I felt at that time. Safe in the knowledge that no matter how stressful or daunting the task was in front of me, it was bearable and doable because he was there. Near me. He was my anchor, my pillar, my silent supporter. I felt it whenever he'd look up at me over his laptop, and smile. He seemed to know when I needed a lift, a smile of encouragement.

So, I couldn't help but remember him.

I'll always believe that the best part of our relationship was the fact that we were around each other. That we knew each other. And that we made each other laugh. We kept each other company during those lonesome days and nights because the study of law, like the practice of law, can be a lonely experience.

So, in the midst of intense legal training during the last couple of days, I felt the nearness of him. And I believe that no matter where I am, whenever I think back during those supposedly dark days of law school and the impending Bar exam, I will remember, as I did yesterday and today, how once upon a time ... there was him. And how the nearness of him made the impossible disappear.