Believe

I couldn't sleep last night. I went to bed at midnight, woke up at 2:45 a.m., and couldn't go back to sleep. I kept thinking about the inexplicable emotional reaction I was (still am) having over the news of the Ex and his baby. Why the heck do I care? Why does it make me feel ... bad? Like I lost something?

The thing is that it doesn't really matter. I haven't loved him in that way in a long, long time. And even if he did love me then, it would have never worked out. We were too different. I wanted something that he didn't. He wanted the kind of life that I couldn't give. But I want to believe that relationships between two people who love each other do work no matter how tough times can be. I want to believe that when people decide to spend the rest of their lives together, that that decision was seriously thought of and considered. Together. And apart. And it's the best and smartest decision they ever made.

Even if my and the Ex's relationship failed, I want to believe that he's happy now, that he loves her, and he treats her right. I want to believe that it just wasn't meant to be between me and him, but it's meant to be between him and her. And one day, between me and someone special. Someone meant for me.

I guess, no matter how many times I've been hurt and disappointed, deep down inside I never wanted to stop believing that it could work. And hey, maybe it doesn't always work forever, but I'd like to believe it does. I've always said, like the famous lyrics of that popular song, "when I fall in love, it will be forever ..."